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Tattler

I walked aimlessly down the hall. I had no idea where I was going, but I knew why.

The words “Please send at 9:40” were written on a yellow piece of paper my Spanish teacher had handed me. I knew right away what it was about.

I walked as slowly as I could. When I passed a security guard or teacher, I pretended I knew where I was headed. I held the yellow pass so they could see and kept on my way.

But my mind was elsewhere. I stared out windows and into classrooms as I passed. I wanted more than anything to tear the pass in half and throw it on the ground. All I wanted to do was run.

Ever since school had begun several weeks ago, I had dreaded this moment. I knew that some day my friend would spill our little secret, and I would be the one who would suffer. Or, maybe, so she could join in the fun … I should make her suffer.

She had told, hadn’t she? I asked myself over and over as I searched for my destination. I trusted her with my secret and she had told. But I’d known that some day she would. Maybe that was why I had told her.

Deep down, I was tired of struggling. I was tired of the tears and pain that seemed to take over my life. But I didn’t want to admit it, and I never would – not in a ­million years would I admit that I didn’t want to be like this anymore.

Finally I turned a corner and saw a number on a door that matched the room number on the pass. I opened it with a shaking hand and stepped inside, terrified, overwhelmed by loneliness, and burning with hatred for the one who had tattled on me.

I felt like a small child, lost and unsure where to go. I probably looked like one too. No hint of confidence was on my face and I knew it. And I didn’t care if my fear and anger showed.

The room was dark – just a small lamp in the corner and the light from the social worker’s computer screen. I shut the door, as she instructed, and sat in a chair. All I wanted to do was walk away … even more so when she began to speak. It started out as a “getting to know each other” talk. She asked me simple questions and I answered. But still my mind and heart were not in that room. All I could think about was why I was here. What had I gotten myself into?

Then the conversation took a sharp turn, so sharp that I felt as if she was stabbing me in the heart. Her questions brought tears to my eyes, but I refused to set them free. I had learned how to hide my emotions, and I used my “skills” to keep from breaking down.

I answered with nods and shakes of my head. When I did speak, my words were only whispers. I could feel my voice begin to shake but still – still, I did not show her my feelings.

My heart beat rapidly as her words began to sink in. It wasn’t that they were changing me, but they were becoming more real to me. They were somehow cutting through my denial and causing me to open up to myself. Somehow, I felt a flicker of hope spark in me.

I walked out of her office 20 long minutes later, still physically and emotionally tired from battling an eating disorder. But I also walked out of that office knowing something about my friend – that she had cared enough to tell.

And that was all I needed to know.



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This article has 25 comments. Post your own!

nerdyfish said...
today at 10:40 am:
When I first started reading this I thought that you did something wrong. Then I thought that you had an abusive relationship. When I found out it was an eating disorder I was relieved that the problem was solved. I loved how at first the you were mad that your friend told, but in the end you were proud to have a friend who cares. This article kept me interested and brought awareness to eating disorders in a way that shows that teens are not alone and they have support in their battle. Great rea... (more »)
 
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SpringRayynThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Dec. 31, 2010 at 11:00 pm:
I get that. I understand what you mean, I connected most with the part about when you talked about telling your friend because you thought you anted to tell someone, but were to scared to yourself and then not admitting that you wanted it. Well, yeah, I can relate to this peice a lot.
 
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AAD602 said...
Oct. 26, 2010 at 2:16 pm:
This article speaks strongly about my views on this subject. I dislike tattletales  because it shows others that the person tattling cannot be trusted. However, in certain cases, such as this one, it is necessary to tell someone about it. My favorite line is "she had cared enough to tell." I like to think that if I had a serious problem one of my friends would care enough to tell.
 
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apocalyptigirl said...
Sept. 12, 2010 at 5:49 pm:
yay thank you for writing this!!!
 
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Coop123 said...
Jul. 30, 2010 at 8:48 pm:
That was so awesome. My freind had an issue with something and i told a teacher... but its fixed now and we are still best freinds!
 
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omgshoes said...
May 24, 2010 at 2:02 pm:
This was just heartbreaking. Excellent. I feel for you.
 
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PurpleMidnight said...
Nov. 8, 2009 at 11:23 am:
This is tremendous. From right where it started to the very end, I related completly. My friend did the same thing for me and that's when you know you have a true friend, when they do something like that, even when you were against it. Great piece, I hope you are better or recovering. I know excactly how you feel. Never give up and never stop writing. <3
 
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This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Oct. 17, 2009 at 10:24 pm:
This is excellent. I liked how you waited until the last second to tell what the secret was. It's a very good example of real friendship. I know if I had a secret like that, I would want one of my friends to tell, because I wouldn't have the courage to do it on my own. I would tell someone if my friend revealed a secret like that. This is great, and I hope you're healthy now.
 
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pinksage33 said...
Aug. 7, 2009 at 3:31 pm:
This is great!!!
 
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practicerandomkindness said...
Jul. 14, 2009 at 8:10 pm:
very detailed, very well written. hope you are healthy now!
 
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ckalani said...
Mar. 29, 2009 at 1:23 am:
GREAT JUB!!!!!!!!!!! WOW just WOW. That was very discreptive. I love how you write it like the girl is angry with her bestfriend but then she realizes that her bestfriend cared enough to tell someone.You are very good! Tell me what you think of some of my work.
 
Allie97 replied...
Jul. 8, 2010 at 4:28 pm :
great jub?? lol....great article...it similar to when i told my mom/guidance counselor about my friend cutting herself...great job...hope u r better!! :)
 
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Sweetencute96 said...
Feb. 19, 2009 at 2:23 pm:
I loved this story. it was very interesting. i am using it for my UIL Competition. it is very nice to have a suspence story. IDK watt to say....
 
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poet89 said...
Feb. 4, 2009 at 7:40 pm:
I loved it. It makes you want to read more and more. I wish for your health. I know what you have been through. keep on writing.
love, poet89
 
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rcs<33 said...
Feb. 1, 2009 at 5:45 pm:
Wow is really all I can say. A pleasure to read and re-read, please keep on writing.
Love.
 
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keabby said...
Jan. 28, 2009 at 3:49 am:
i deff. lovedd it?!!!
 
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sladesunshine said...
Jan. 27, 2009 at 5:28 pm:
BEST STORY EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
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Katie123 said...
Jan. 27, 2009 at 5:26 pm:
This was a very well written story. It was very descriptive. Good job
 
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lollygager101 said...
Jan. 24, 2009 at 2:52 am:
I like it, it has deep emotion and a good description. It was so good I can alomst feel my heart ache.
 
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agp1995 said...
Jan. 25, 2009 at 8:38 pm:
I just want to read more thats how and why i got in this site i hoped it would just keep going wow im a big reader and that was just AWESOME!
 
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