I Am Not Disturbed by Anonymous, DEFrom earliest childhood, I have been a dreamer and a visionary. I dwell apart from the visible world and today I purposely did not take my medication. I do this occasionally to force myself into believing that I really have been miraculously cured by the many psychologists.In my drug-induced, sedated existence, I feel content and under complete control. Without sporadic prescriptions of Valium, Stelazine or Haldol, I would suffer the endless tortures of brief schizo-affective disorder and obsessive-compulsive anxiety attacks.Many people do not understand the mind plagued with these disorders. I like to convince myself that I am privileged, one of the psychologically sensitive few who experience visions that the prosaic majority condemns as madness.Who am I really kidding? I suffer from insomnia, delusions, and paranoia. I feel as if I will slip at any time, spending my life confined in a refuge for the demented. If that torment is my fate, I think I'll be a good girl and take my medicine.In all seriousness, I'd like to assure others - and reassure myself - that we are not disturbed. I am of a broader intellect; I may have no distinction between the real and the unreal, but I know they only appear by virtue of the mental media in which we are made conscious of them. Does that statement confirm the cruel slanders about my intellect I sometimes overhear in whispers?Mental disorders are very commonly misunderstood. I would just like people to understand that I am no different. I am not insane, nor am I the stereotypical, incoherent schizophrenic. And most of all, I am not alone. I am an artist, a dreamer of dreams, a visionary - these things make me what I am and, if given the chance, I wouldn't change. tf
This piece has been published in Teen Ink’s monthly print magazine.