A Proposal to Consume the "Skinny Gene"

July 6, 2012
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Obesity is on the rise, a force that appears indomitable at the moment. Less can see their knees, let alone their toes, and more need pants three sizes larger. This next epidemic could be a result of insatiable taste buds, water-mouthing treats, and overconsumption – an epidemic none like one before.

For decades, women have obsessed over the idea of the “perfect” body – the elongated and slim figure with plastic-like faces and skin. There is no sympathy or compassion for the plump, full, and jiggly core. Yet, laziness runs bone deep. We dread the commitment, pain, and sacrifice that come with disciplined exercise and abstemious diets.

Working for that body is hard, unless you’re among the lucky few to have the “skinny” gene, or adipose. Surprisingly, all organisms contain adipose, but cells with more efficient adipose tend to control fat development with ease. The majority of women only have a few copies of the gene, so unrestricted indulgence and scanty exercise still render themselves unacceptable.

Yet, what if restricted food intake and heavy exercise proved unnecessary? In order to combat obesity and facilitate the process of acquiring slim body figures for women, I propose the consumption of adipose-injected meals. These meals would allow consumers to achieve their desired body shape by simply eating, making exercise completely unnecessary. Furthermore, the results would be immediate, noticeable, and satisfactory. They get us that dream body.

Scientists throughout the nation would prepare for a yearly convention in which they extract samples of DNA from all women considered genetically skinny. Females must satisfy these measurements to qualify: fourteen centimeter waist, sixteen centimeter hip, and three centimeter wrists. Furthermore, these women must pass a bikini screen in which their ribs must be clearly apparent. Scientists would gather seventeen hair strands, ten cheek cells, and three standard tubes of blood from each of these naturally fit women to extract adipose. Then, food companies and restaurants would purchase these genes from scientists and inject them into every dish and edible product. To ensure optimal results, food companies and restaurants must inject five milliliters of adipose per serving. If women follow a regimen of eating two-thousand calories daily, they should lose exactly five percent of the total body fat each week. Digestion of the genes would eventually eliminate obesity, end an obsession, and provide women the hollow and skeletal figure previously yearned for decades.

The best part is that the taste stays the same. The only difference would lie in the microscopic yet life-changing content within the meals. Everything from Big Macs to caviar to Martinelli’s apple juice could remove those unwanted molecules of fat. How about escargot or honey roasted peanuts? Fine! As long as adipose is pre-injected, feast on! Of course, consumers have the option to refuse the gene-infused meals. However, why would one irrationally reject the chance to lose up to two-hundred pounds annually? Adipose could potentially eliminate obesity and beautify all participating women within two years. Such opportunity can finally bring women across the nation stunning beach bodies, with Barbie-like figures and nothing but bone and skin! Fat will be a thing of the past – no more in the cheeks, abdomens, and rears!

Furthermore, as soon as adipose enters the national market, it would create a mega-billion dollar industry that would undoubtedly benefit the economy. Demand for adipose would soar as everyone from housewives to chefs to owners of food companies compete for a limited supply of genes. Soon, it would be as ubiquitous as automobiles or televisions. It would also soon be responsible for the dramatic rise in professional geneticists, food consumption, and marketing strategies.

Adipose-infused meals present the fastest way to phase out obesity and transform the image of our nation’s females. There are no shorter cuts to beating this epidemic. After all, adipose-injected meals require no mental willpower, strength, determination, perseverance, work, or strenuous effort. Instead, all it takes is a good appetite!

I, along with thousands of women, share the common struggle of striving for the perfect image. I speak from the bottom of my heart, hoping that my suggestions will aid not only my personal endeavors, but also those of the vast majority of women in America.

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