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Fighting Back This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine.


   I knew that my life would be altered from the moment he looked at me. Oh sure, hestill looked dignified and professional, just like a doctor should, but his eyesrevealed the truth. They gave it all away.

Over the last five months some"symptoms" had been showing up: I began to drink water incessantly -never pop, juice or milk, just water. It got to the point where I couldn't evenremember the last time that I didn't have to get up three or four times a nightto use the bathroom. I knew something was wrong, but I refused to think about it.I couldn't see anything wrong, so I believed nothing was.

But I wasn'teven fooling myself. I was being drained of all my energy and would come homefrom school every day and fall asleep on the couch until bedtime. Then I'd go tomy room and sleep all night, but I'd still be exhausted the next day.

Atvolleyball practice, I had no strength to do the drills and was too tired toconcentrate. I was also losing weight, dropping four sizes in four months eventhough I never stopped eating.

After sharing my concerns with myboyfriend, he became increasingly insistent that I consult a doctor. Finding outwhat was wrong with me would be great, but I needed more persuasion. When myfather agreed with him, I made an appointment.

Obviously, going to thedoctor was the right decision. The whole time I think I knew that whatever myproblem was, it would be bad. When the doctor said I had diabetes, though, mywhole world fell apart.

I didn't know what to do, or say. My only thoughtwas that I'd be sick for the rest of my life. My mind couldn't comprehend whatwas happening, or why. Finding no justification or reason for my diagnosis, I wasthoroughly confused. I've always been healthy and active. And I was only 17; Ithought diabetes occurred in older people. They must have made a mistake. Ifought to keep my composure, but eventually I crumbled into the arms of thedoctor. He tried to console me, but knew nothing he could say wouldhelp.

The doctor told me I had done nothing to cause this and that mydiabetes was genetic. I stopped crying and tried to pull myself together. I knewit was imperative that I be strong. My mother had been called and was on her way.This news would be absolutely devastating for her.

People don't realizeit when they look at me, but I have changed. Life, love, decisions, plans - Ilook at my life differently now. The doctors say I can lead a normal life, and Iguess it's possible, but only by getting through a few disappointments such asnever eating when I want or what I want, drastically cutting sugar intake, takinginsulin every time I eat, and again every night.

What I resent most abouthaving diabetes is being totally dependent on insulin. I've never been totallydependent on anything, and it's difficult for me to embrace it. Though I've onlybeen diagnosed for a year now, I'm positive that if I make good choices andfollow the rules, one day I'll be able to love the hand I'm dealt. Or at leastlive with it.

My life has been drastically altered. Oh sure, I still actlike a normal teen, but if you look into my eyes, you can see that I'm different.I'm a fighter now, and if you look closely, you'll see that I fight every day ofmy life.

This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. This piece has been published in Teen Ink’s monthly print magazine.






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practicerandomkindness said...
Jun. 25, 2009 at 7:19 pm
i know u think its bad right now, but u have to believe that it will get better.
 
Kokibabi14 said...
Mar. 14, 2009 at 4:43 pm
touching
 
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