Addicted This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine.

     The first time I got high I was 12 and I thought it was the best thing that had ever happened to me. My addiction progressed quickly and I started selling drugs in eighth grade to support my habit. I was at a special school to get help for my dyslexia but was eventually kicked out for drugs.

That was just the beginning. When weed and booze weren’t enough, I moved on to hash, opium, ecstasy, cocaine, mushrooms and pills. I was doing so many kinds of pills, I declared myself a pharmacist. I really got into selling drugs the summer of ninth grade when I would walk around town with thousands of dollars and loads of drugs.

One major turning point for me was when I ran away to a Phish festival because I’d heard about all the drugs that would be there. Well, the rumors were true and I went on a five-day binge, though the festival only lasted two. My mom had had enough by then and I came home to discover she had placed a CHINS (Child In Need of Services) order on me. I took it as a joke and violated it every day, and every day she called my probation officer and social worker.

I rebelled even more and became more arrogant. I grew 40 plants of weed and started robbing people, taking hundreds of dollars. Due to this, I was jumped. One kid came at me with a pair of scissors. At 15, I got a girl pregnant, but she had a miscarriage.

During my using I saw kids die. One time I was at a club and rolling on ecstasy in the techno room. My boys and I went outside and I sparked up a blunt. It went around several times. Next thing I know I see this kid on the ground convulsing. I was pissed that this kid ruined my high. We called an ambulance and booked it. The next time I went there I found out he died.

I’ve had six friends die. One burned to death in a car crash; he was driving drunk. Another was anorexic, bulimic, and a coke addict; she choked to death on her own blood. Another committed suicide. One overdosed from taking too many oxycontins. The other two died with a needle in their arms.

Drugs took me to places I never wanted to go. I always said, “Oh, I won’t get caught.” I saw a sign at a Boston police station that said, “Control yourself or we will,” and I just laughed. Then I was arrested four times within two months for weed, booze, domestic violence and intent to distribute. I was put on probation but even that didn’t change me. I sold drugs to pay for my drug test, failed drug tests, didn’t come home for days, got kicked out of programs, and did a lot of other things.

I was sent to rehab but was kicked out on day 13 because I was smoking weed every day. Then, I went to a detox place for five days. When I got out, I was still using and because of that my court date was pulled a month ahead. That was the last day I got high. I went into court high and drunk as usual, only this time I wasn’t allowed to go home. I was sent to a shelter for 45 days.

The day I got out I was sent to a rehab place called The Road Back for 302 days. There, I learned how to live without drugs or alcohol. I went there full of hate, resentment, anger and fear. I would even try to justify my actions. I tried to mask it all, but everyone saw through me. Eventually I got honest with myself and started working with the people who were trying to help me.

I started feeling better physically, mentally and spiritually. I was introduced to Alcoholics and Narcotics Anonymous. We went to meeting every night. There were groups daily. We even did commitments at local high schools. I got a sponsor and joined a group. They provided me with everything. The most important thing I found was myself. That’s where my foundation started. I graduated from the program last January 20 at 5:18 p.m. I knew the only thing I could do to stay sober was to apply the knowledge, so I go to meetings every day. Most importantly, I still keep in touch with my higher power which I choose to call the solar system. I can live life on life’s terms.

Growing up in my family was interesting; my mother was an alcoholic and there was no communication between us. There still isn’t. I talk to my father once a year and have only seen him twice - when I was born and when I was five. I have 26 half-brothers and sisters on my father’s side.

I used to have a lawn-mowing business and a music career going for me, I was really talented. But I gave it all up for drugs. I won’t graduate with my class because of all the school I missed. Trying to stay sober is hard but I’m focused on getting my diploma. I will be homeless on my eighteenth birthday but I’m not worried. My life is good today. I keep things simple and take it one day at a time.

This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. This piece has been published in Teen Ink’s monthly print magazine.

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Lily">This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jan. 10 at 7:40 am
i love this so much!
Express-- This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 28, 2011 at 11:14 am
You are an incedible person. Keep it up.
DevinQuin said...
Dec. 12, 2010 at 4:46 pm
Your story is one of the few that could prevent kids from making a terrible mistake. Please never stop telling it.
Dragonscribe said...
Oct. 16, 2010 at 4:38 pm
If I met someone like you on the street (before the rehab) I would think, what an evil, awful person. But really, you made an awful mistake, got addicted, and are recovering. You've repented - now you should try to move one. I'm so sorry these things happened to you, and it's a miracle you're still alive. Please speak to others like you who are not attempting to recover or are struggling to, I think you would be a real help to them. God bless you, and I hope you and your family can works things out.
morethanunusual replied...
Jul. 20, 2011 at 10:53 am
amen, brother.
Dragonscribe replied...
Jul. 21, 2011 at 7:34 pm
sister, but thanks.
Ame23 said...
Oct. 7, 2010 at 6:49 pm
wow. that's really a terrible experience expressed in a beautiful way. good for you about getting off drugs! :-)
luv2write4ever said...
Jul. 14, 2010 at 7:54 pm
Wow, this is very inspiring. It's great you're staying sober. Nicely written article.
Chinita said...
Jul. 14, 2010 at 2:39 pm
i understand how addictinq weed &` alcohol is ; cloud 9 is so qreat but thats not all there is to life &` i think itrs qreat ur makinq ah chanqe for tha better :-)
queenshanaynay said...
Jan. 21, 2010 at 10:45 am
wow ! im glad you are cleaning up your life :) my younger brother was going through many of the same things as you and he is struggling to recover now too and its really sad to see how much he has changed because of all the things he has done. i hope it all works out for you !
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