Abusive Relationships

January 30, 2012
By Anonymous

That cold feeling inside you when a fist hits you that belong to the guy you thought you loved. The emotions you feel when he curses at you and puts you down. Dating violence is actual or threatened harm between a former partner in a period that is risky (Connolly). Between twenty percent and fifty percent of adolescents been in an aggressive relationship (Connolly). Many men and women have to go through this tragedy in their life. Abusive relationships can damage a life, both physically and mentally, leaving the victims unaware of when to walk away.

Countless amounts of men and women who become victims experience two forms of abuse relationships. Emotional abuse is a less known kind because many people believe that it is important enough to count. Emotional abuse is basically another word for verbal abuse. If a partner talks negatively to the victim putting them down, it counts as abusive. The abuser normally tries to embarrass the victim and always tries to be in control over the victim. The abuser’s main tactic is to try to separate the victim from their family and friends. All of these examples involve emotional abuse. The other type abusive relationship is physical abuse which more people expect in an abusive relationship. The abuser uses violence to generally solve the arguments between their partners. Physical violence is when the abuser slaps, punches, kicks, or harms the victim. If the victim becomes bruised, the partner used physical violence. In Dreamland, Caitlin got punched in the face by her boyfriend not wanting to leave the car because she was afraid to but before the punch, he cursed her out with verbal abuse. Usually, emotional and verbal abuse comes first then ends in physical abuse (Reece). Knowing these two types of abuse is needed to realize whether your partner is treating you correctly or incorrectly.

Victims are not able to realize who is abusive by first appearances because it can be anyone. People figure that only the bad boys can be abusive but that is far from the truth. Abusers can people the class clown, nerd, or even the popular guy; it is a person who people normally don’t expect. “It’s not something you can tell by how someone looks, where they come from, where they grew up, how they grew up, or what they wear” (Reece). An abuser is like the saying, “Don’t judge a book by its cover”. They can be really charming but that’s a trick that many use. There are still warning signs though that can be shown before anything serious happens.

Many young teenagers do not know when to walk away but there are many warning signs that can help prevent serious damage. Isolation is definitely a major sign to comprehend whether the person is abusive or not. The guy usually tries to separate the victim from their friends and family so the victim will feel alone running back to the abuser (Dessen). The victim then stops doing activities that they like to do to spend more time with their partner. The abuser also tries to be in control by explaining what to wear, not any revealing clothing, and demanding sexual attention twenty-four seven (Aydt). More warning signs are when the relationship goes to fast, having moody behaviors, and being abusive in the past. The partner tries to change the abuser but it ends badly. Having a partner who is extremely jealous is another sign especially when the partner gets angry when the victim talks to another guy who is just a friend.

When the relationship becomes abusive, it’s a clear sign to get help immediately trying to then end the relationship with the abuser. “A relationship is never going to just be all sunshine and happiness. Arguments do happen, but in positive and healthy relationships neither party should ever use physical force to get what they want” (Reece). Healthy relationships involve mutual respect in contrast to unhealthy relationships when the abuser uses violence to solve every problem. In a healthy relationship, the family members and friends like the partner and the relationship has more cheerful memories than upsetting ones. Feeling unhappy, stressed, or fearful when you are with your partner is an unhealthy relationship. Once the abuser first lays his or her hands on their partner that is when the relationship gets risky and the partner should get help.

Getting help and realizing that this problem is serious is a main step to recovery making the victim to feel safer. First, it is important to find someone to talk to so the victim can release the anger and confusion tucked inside their head. It is crucial to find an adult that is open and will not judge whatever the situation the victim went through. The victim needs to trust this person so they would feel more comfortable opening up. Then the adult can get help for the victim so the victim can try to move on. The book, Dreamland, had Caitlin’s mom finding Caitlin getting abused and the adult helped Caitlin by taking the victim to a help center to heal. There are many places to go to get help to then recover. In addition, there are laws that were created to protect victims from domestic violence. Many schools are now obligated to teach students about warning signs and how to gain help. The Lindsay Anne Burke Act requires every school in Rhode Island to educate students in grades seven to twelve about dating violence which is a start to help prevent abuse (Aydt). States have a law to arrest the man or woman accused of domestic violence urging the victim to get a restraining order (“Domestic Violence”). It is difficult to get help, but when the victim does, it assists the victim to move on with their lives.

Although walking away can unquestionably benefit, there will still be a possibility that long-term problems will occur. When the victims have children, it greatly affects the child’s life because it is difficult for the victim to support and nurture the child (“Domestic Violence”). Most likely the child would have a difficult life to live with their parent traumatized. Since the child would probably be ignored by their parent feeling lonely, the child has a good chance of becoming an abuser later on in life. The victim is most likely to develop an eating disorder and abuse alcohol and drugs (“Domestic Violence”). They basically develop mental and physical health problems not being able to function well in society. About half of the homeless women and children are homeless because of domestic violence (“Domestic Violence”). Problems involving abuse will never go away but it is greatly necessary to try to make the situation better.

Being abused is never the victim’s fault but always the abuser’s fault. A lot of girls or guys in an abusive relationship don’t walk away and that is normally. Many people stay in an abusive relationship because they think their partner will follow up their threats. The abuser creates threats because they don’t want the victim to walk away. They also stay because of isolation thinking that their friends and family wouldn’t want them anymore. Being afraid is a common emotion victim’s feel but they will rarely be alone because at least one person will always still care about them.

Abusive relationships do in fact damage a life in a physical and emotional way leaving the victims unaware of when to walk away from their partner. One in three teens will experience physical, verbal, sexual, or emotional abuse in a dating relationship (Reece). Most of these teens don’t even know what to do. This situation just became more realistic when singer, Chris Brown, abused his girlfriend, Rihanna but the truth is this has been going on way too long. Domestic violence in the United States results in about one thousand three hundred deaths and two million in injuries annually (“Domestic Violence”). Mostly women are abused and are at higher risk around sixteen to twenty-four (“Domestic Violence”). Although women are mostly abused, men can be abused too. Most of the time you are not alone although you feel as though you are and this needs to constantly be reminded.

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