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A Silent Howl

Every teen goes through it, the feeling that nothing is reachable. I've been there, personally, I live there. Everyday is a struggle against myself, friends, teachers, parents. My friends think I'm in control, always saying what's on my mind. Truth is, I'm a coward, I can't bring myself to tell anyone about my struggle with undiagnosed depression.
I guess you could say it really hit hard when 4 of my friends committed suicide in less then a year.
I've been plagued with nightmares,panic attacks, and flashbacks that have wound me up in hospitals and sometimes with the inability to go to class.
Teachers have been told to watch over me, pry at the little crack I call a fault line.
Sometimes, when they ask to speak with me after the bell, I just want to yell out "I'm depressed, that's the answer your looking for" but it chooses to stay in my throat. Why I'm unable to say it? I don't know. Maybe it's the fact that I wouldn't be able to face my parents, who have told me my whole life that it's foolishness and a lack of motivation.
Could I face that?
Could I face having someone else come to my rescue when I have been told all my life that you are yourself and you make your own path?
Could I, one day be able to say it?
Could I?

For now, my silent howl is unheard, for now, I choose to write about it, because I'm one who can give good advice but can't take her own.

To every teen who's scared of facing there parents or friends, find an intermediate such as a teacher, coach, friend and let the silence be broken.

As my teacher would say "Just do it"





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