When Venus Battled Mars

August 22, 2010
By Caroline_Albanese BRONZE, Syosset, New York
Caroline_Albanese BRONZE, Syosset, New York
4 articles 0 photos 0 comments

Relationship consultant John Gray wrote the wildly popular book, "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus", and the title of the novel sums up the typical view of the gender differences of men and women. The origin of the battle of the sexes runs deeper than the obvious genital differences. With such complicated factors such as behavior, sexuality and gender identity, it has been shown time and time again that the similarities between men and women lie solely in the fact that both are human beings.

On average, at the tender ages of thirteen, girls begin to shed their childish antics and blossom into young ladies. They menstruate for the first time, usually at the worst possible time, symbolizing their first shove into the painful and unfair world of adulthood. Boys, on the other hand, are still burning ants with magnifying glasses and giving each other Indian Burns during lunch. This is why middle school and high school romances rarely work. A teenage girl gets enough pain once a month from Mother Nature; she does not need to tolerate her boyfriend playing "Punch-Buggy" as his mother drives them to a movie.

However, sooner or later the blessed day will come when the boy will become a man. One day he will wake up to see that there is something on his face that was not there the night before, three whiskers. These chin hairs are sacred to teenage boys and will rarely be shaven. This is due to the fact that what seems like only a few stray hairs to any rational person, is a full fledged goatee to a teenage boy. And they feel like complete studs for it. Meanwhile, on the opposite end of the gender pole, any stray hair that is on a woman's body that is not on her head or part of her perfectly arched eyebrows will be plucked, shaven and waxed immediately.

The art of leaving the house also illustrates a major difference between men and women. When a man says he is ready to go out, it means he has the keys in his hand, and about to walk out the front door. They are usually dressed in old sneakers, a pair of jeans and the one shirt he owns that doesn't have a mysterious stain on it. Meanwhile, when a woman says she is ready to go out, it means she will be ready to go out as soon as she irons the perfect black dress that doesn't make her butt look too big, slips on her stockings, and rushes around looking her favorite heels. And even though she is completely clothed, she cannot even think of leaving her bedroom without carefully putting on an inch of makeup in the bathroom for fifteen to thirty minutes.

Somehow, against all conceivable odds, men and women usually still manage to kindle a romantic relationship between one another. However, how the genders perceive their relationship are two completely different points of views. A woman thinks of her time with a boyfriend as being "together" with him and sharing intimate romantic experiences. A man usually will not think of his relationship with a woman in such a flowery sense, but more along the lines of being able to have sexual intercourse with a woman without the always awkward "walk of shame" the next morning.

While on the sensitive topic of sexual intercourse, it can be observed that the way men and women talk about their sexual experiences are extremely different. When a woman discusses her sexual relationships with her boyfriend, it is usually told giddily to her girlfriends in elaborate, dreamy details over coffee or a sappy romance movie staring Jennifer Aniston. A man will tell his friends that he got "laid", his friends will cheer, and they will high-five.

Unfortunately though, sometimes men and women in relationships find themselves in irresolvable differences, and break up. When a relationship ends, a woman will usually cry and pour her heart out to her girlfriends over ice cream while, once again, watching a sappy Jennifer Aniston movie. She will then go out of her way to look better than she ever did while dating her ex-boyfriend and whoever even thinks of dating him will be considered dead to her forever.

A man, on the other hand, usually has a little more trouble letting go of a serious relationship. He will not tell any of his friends his troubles, though. In the male mind, showing any signs of remorse will result in him having strange sensations called "emotions", which will undeniably sever his masculinity. Instead, he will pretend to move on, but around six months after the break-up, at three in the morning on a Saturday night, he will call his ex-girlfriend in a drunken rage, "I just wanted to let you know you're a crazy bitch and I hate you and I'm so much happier without you. But if you ever wanted to get back together that'll be cool." This is known as the "Drunken Phone Call", and every women who receives one of these calls feels instantly empowered.

It is often claimed that opposites attract, and this seems to hold true even for the overwhelming differences between men and women. Humanity has managed to survive on this Earth for millions of years, regardless of gender differences. Countless couples fall in love, get married and spend the rest of their lives together in a life of pleasant companionship. However, even though many people can happily work together with the opposite sex, there is still a battle for superiority between the genders. Perhaps instead of constantly claiming that one gender is better than the other, there should be an understanding of the differences between sexes, and use these differences in a more productive way. Men and women working together on a problem provides not just one, but two different points of view and perhaps the meshing of these thoughts is the simple solution that has been overlooked for so long. Then again, this may be a difficult task to accomplish, since everyone knows that men can be so stubborn when asking for help, and if there's one thing a woman loves to say to a man it's, "I told you so,".

The author's comments:
A ridiculous essay I wrote for my writing class. None of the claims made in this essay are meant to be true, they are simply meant to be funny.

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This article has 5 comments.

nitesh kumar said...
on May. 21 2014 at 10:02 am
i think, it has expressed in practical way                             really, great article   

Cory2writer said...
on Sep. 7 2010 at 8:53 pm
Wow..love the humor!  Keep writing!

kaeleighgirl said...
on Sep. 7 2010 at 5:56 pm
I loved this article.  Ms. Albanese is a very talented and sightful author.

KERRYA12 said...
on Sep. 7 2010 at 4:28 pm
0 articles 0 photos 4 comments
My professor was just talking about this!! You are more insightful than he is!  Really, great article!

kellyc said...
on Sep. 7 2010 at 3:50 pm

This is sooo true!!!!!! and I luv ur writing and insight



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