My problems

January 6, 2010
By , Mooresville, NC
I have had this problem for over a year now, maybe longer, but i didnt care so much then. I gourge, binge like crazy and it happens so fast that i sometimes forget to stop eating. Its like a crave someting but i can not find it in food. I could eat lightly all day but stuff my body with thousands of calories at might, the worst must admit. I last year dieted and lost forty pounds. Now i gained almost all of it bakc, and it hasnt been a year, just a summer, fall and half a witer. I feel so guilty afterwards, but during my binge, it can fell so good, all the flavors and sweets and such, then i look on the scale and cry. I feel disgusting. I am trying to get in under control, but its a bad habit that keeps coming back and i forget i can still have it. My hormones have become out of whack so i someties think i can eat all this food, but i cant. I cant even eat a bite. I dont want ot be over two hundred pounds or heavier. I see celebrities weight battles and i want to be a success story, not a failure. No Christy Brinkle please. A Kate Moss would be nice though.
To the factof matter is that i hate being a size twleve now, amost a fourteen. Only pigs should really be this sizr, or pregnanat ladies.
I write this to release the depression, the anxiety, the binge act and the misery. I am done with this shit and i dont want to have this be a part of me. I want to be in fashion, be a model, be a goddess,not a chunky chick. I have learned that i must stop, because the feeling of just having that secret to yuorself doesnt exist for me anymore. Everyone in my house knows and are very disappointed in me. Even my youngest brother is scared for me. He cried about me dieing, though i never saw it myself. Still, it hurts to hear that and I am ready to change. I am ready to refill my resolution on january 6, 2010. I resolutionize to be thin, healthly and happy by the time of summer and make everyday and lean healthly day filled with love happiness and accomplishments, no regrets, little sorrows and of course, no binging.





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