Everyone has had done something that they were not proud of or couldn't fix until it was too late. Everyone has been addicted to something that they didn't know that they were addicted to until people would point it out. My problem was anorexia. I didn't know I was going trough it until it was too late. I would go days without eating. It first started with not eating at school because the lines would be too long, I mean come on why stay in line for food when you could laugh and hang out with friends? I didn't eat breakfast anyway so what would a few days without lunch do? Life was great I would laugh and hangout with friends and lose some weight in the process. Dinner was another story at first i would eat every bite then over time the next I knew all I could handle was 2 bites before I would get full.I went on like that for MONTHS. I thought nothing of it, at first, the first people who noticed was my boyfriend. He didn't say anything just kept to himself and was planning on leaving me but I broke up with him first before he could. Then my parents started to noticed my dramatic weight loss. They start to observe my eating habits and wait at the table till I was done eating. When I wouldn't finish they would force me to finish my meal. I would beg for them to let me go, telling them that I wasn't hungry but they wouldn't budge on their decision. I would always feel so fat after, I would imagine all that food inside of me turning me into a pig. In truth, I loved the feeling of not eating, the feeling of being skinny. The emptiness that lied in the pit of my stomach. Finally after my parents "method" of making me normal again for 2 months I started to eat normally again. I would eat lunch at school and snack when I got home AND finish all of my meals at dinnertime everyday. If I didn't eat lunch at school I would make me lunch at home when I got out of school. I'm not moody anymore from the lack of food and I am happily in a relationship. Am I ashamed of my decisions I made to lead to my problem? yes, I knowingly neglected and damaged my body and relationships with friends but what I am not ashamed of is who I am and everything I went through to recover. During the process I learned to love myself and my body more than I ever did, even more than I did before I went through my anorexia problem. I guess you can say that I am happy as a clam now.
No One's Perfect :)
August 14, 2009