Marked.

June 10, 2009
By Anonymous

This is something that should not happen to teenagers. To children, to adults, to anyone.
Depression should not happen.

I was eight when I learned about suicide. I went to Church Camp when I was twelve- that's where I learned about cutting.

I was thirteen when I had my first taste of dispair. I was fourteen when I gave in to the emotional pain, and let it out through physical. It was only a paper clip, only two small scratches on my arm.
It was only the beginning.

I spent that next year cutting quietly with a Biq Razer I'd broken in half. My mother found it, and my intense, secret, hateful feelings on life. And she did absolutely nothing.

I stole two of my mother's prescribed pain killers when I was fifteen. I spent those next twelve hours throwing up my burning insides.
I had a headache, yes. But the pain inside of me was hushed, if only for a while.

The next week, I stole only one.

Today, I am sixteen. I am still depressed, I am still giving in every once and a while, and I still have not found help.
"Help" in my opinion, is the written word.
"Help" is knowing that I'm not alone... all the time.
"Help" may not be Jesus, or meds, or my mom, or my best friend- who by the way, can't stand me or my sadness any longer.
"Help" is knowing that someday, I won't be completely whole, but I will be almost as perfect as even you.

I will spend the rest of my life with those firey, red marks on my thighs... but you know what?

What I didn't kill myself with made me stronger.


The author's comments:
"What I didn't kill myself with made me stronger." If you are depressed, take those words and remember them. Suicide is an answer, it really is. But so is life, and help, and love. Be stronger than your emotions. Be stronger than who your peers and family think you are.

Be who you KNOW you are.

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This article has 14 comments.


on Oct. 19 2010 at 8:52 pm
mhmmalright BRONZE, Fresno, California
4 articles 1 photo 5 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The snow drifts into our zombie mouths crawling with grease and curses and tobacco flakes and cavities and boyfriend/girlfriend juice, the stain of lies. For one moment we are not failed tests and broken condoms and cheating on essays; we are cray

I love this

VarsityRider said...
on Jun. 7 2010 at 2:42 pm
VarsityRider, Milledgeville, Georgia
0 articles 2 photos 81 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Give every man thy ear, but few thy voice." - W. Shakespeare.
"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in getting up every time we do." - Confucius

Thats an amazing article :).One of my best friends has really bad depression and this reminds me of her .

on Dec. 6 2009 at 4:35 pm
ma.cherie2 BRONZE, West Plains, Missouri
4 articles 0 photos 13 comments
the last comment I wrote at the top is directed at everyone who reads this, but was meant to be a reply at your last comment. :)

please read it.

on Dec. 6 2009 at 4:32 pm
ma.cherie2 BRONZE, West Plains, Missouri
4 articles 0 photos 13 comments
Right now, I'm having a relapse of sorts, and I'm trying to remind myself that I AM strong, because if I weren't, I'd be dead.

The same is for you, what ever your circumstances are.

I am writing something right now; I'm so glad and humbled to find that this simple article has helped or related to people. :) I want to help even more.

on Dec. 5 2009 at 9:24 pm
KiraKira PLATINUM, Cardiff By The Sea, California
35 articles 0 photos 217 comments

Favorite Quote:
Do not pity the dead, Harry. Pity the living, and above all, pity those who live without love -Albus Dumbledore

I tell myself averyday 'what doesn't kill me makes me stronger', and everyday I hope that it's true. Please write more. I think you can help so many people. Including me.

on Dec. 5 2009 at 2:42 pm
ma.cherie2 BRONZE, West Plains, Missouri
4 articles 0 photos 13 comments
i am SO glad i could help. really.

on Dec. 5 2009 at 2:40 pm
ma.cherie2 BRONZE, West Plains, Missouri
4 articles 0 photos 13 comments
oh, it's fine. i understood what shaddie was saying.

she wasn't trying to be negative; she was expressing what she felt about stealing prescription drugs and cutting, as she's experienced both. she wasn't rude. :]

Pompom94 said...
on Nov. 30 2009 at 8:42 pm
Pompom94, Lubbock, Texas
0 articles 0 photos 6 comments
ok, come on shaddie. youre so rude. if youve gone through the same thing, dont act like its wrong. she was shielding herself from pain.

on Oct. 28 2009 at 8:59 pm
KiraKira PLATINUM, Cardiff By The Sea, California
35 articles 0 photos 217 comments

Favorite Quote:
Do not pity the dead, Harry. Pity the living, and above all, pity those who live without love -Albus Dumbledore

Reading this made me realize that I shouldn't hurt myself to let out emotional pain. Thank you, Anonymous! You are an amazing writer!

on Oct. 28 2009 at 7:20 pm
EmilyMarie BRONZE, Cave Creek, Arizona
1 article 0 photos 8 comments
this article is amazing and really brang back memories of my own experiences.. good luck hun

on Oct. 14 2009 at 5:00 pm
ma.cherie2 BRONZE, West Plains, Missouri
4 articles 0 photos 13 comments
thank you so much! i'm so glad i could gelp! :]

IRBFGW DIAMOND said...
on Oct. 13 2009 at 5:14 pm
IRBFGW DIAMOND, Cincinnati, Ohio
53 articles 1 photo 223 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Hey, assbutt!" Supernatural, Castiel.

Oh. My. Gosh. This is awesome! It made me reflect on my experience. I sometimes have problems reading stories about cutting cuz it brings back painful memories, but this was beautiful and accually made me feel better. Weird. Oh well, nice!

Shaddie SILVER said...
on Oct. 9 2009 at 7:38 pm
Shaddie SILVER, Mattawan, Michigan
8 articles 1 photo 4 comments
cutting, stealing mother's prescriptions...an addiction that you KNOW is wrong, but can't seem to stop

i would know..i've done them both..

teenroses said...
on Sep. 15 2009 at 9:00 pm
teenroses, Lubbock, Texas
0 articles 0 photos 12 comments
For most, cutting is like a drug.

Starting off lightly at first,

then your thirst drives it deeper and deeper each time.

I wish I could get help. But there are untold things that are going to stay that way.

Good luck, hon. (:


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