Secrets of an Anorexic.

By , corpus christi, TX
The day begins normally. We wake up, like anyone else. We go to school and or work, like every other person. We sleep, talk, do work, everything. But we don't eat. Who is this we? People like me. People, who hate food, and see themselves different. We don't eat, we hardly drink anything fattening. And, we see ourselves as if, we're 100 pounds more, than we really are.
I'm the lucky one. I beat it, however much someone can. It is true what they say; it is a disease. And yes, it can be cured, beaten, but eating is like a burden to us. And people saying things while we walk down the halls does not help. Too skinny, too fat, not fat enough, not skinny enough. The pressures of the world are so ridiculous.
And people wonder why we end up like this. It's because of those people. Want to know how it happens, and how to beat it?

It's a decision. One day, you don't just decide to skip breakfast, and then keeping doing it. No. You'll see yourself, and see all this fat hanging from your legs. Hanging from your arms and belly. And you'll feel disgusted. You'll look at the food for dinner, or snacks, and turn it away. You'll start to excersise, but not eat. And you'll feel fatter each day. Either you're not "loosing the weight" or you're "gaining." And it can go for years. You're ashamed, but you can't stop. You can't help it, it's become a normal thing. It's like breathing, you don't even think about it anymore.
And thats when the moods start. It's crazy. You get hot or cold very easily, and begin to yell and cry for no reason, or the smallest. And when you're called a name, or accused of being anorexic, you break. Someone tries to help you, but you push them away. Your ribs will poke you, but your fat with stop you from feeling anything. Your spine could be outside of your body, but you can't see it. Your fat is covering the structure. And when you finally get help, it's not over. You still eat little by little, and you almost burst to tears from eating.
You hate food, it's your enemy. But you know what you have to do. And it never leaves you. You eat but sometimes, the feeling comes back. That "I'm way overweight" feeling. You see your fat poking out of the top of your jeans.
The truth is, that isn't your fat. It's your bones, your insides falling out. Then you see it. You finally see it. The hollowed face, and boney body. And you cry....I cried...we've all cried.


And it's still there. But we can't go back. We have to stay strong. Be okay with who we are. And all you stupid people wonder why people end up this way? Because people make a big deal over almost nothing. What was it for me? Well, I had a little pudge folding over my pants, and my dad, told me to loose some weight. And before I hadn't noticed. And I became obsessed. Obsessed. It's a disease, that comes from obsessity, that comes from words, just words. And those words come form the stupidest mouths.





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This article has 3 comments. Post your own now!

musicgirl757 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Oct. 8, 2009 at 1:25 pm
I feel your pain, I feel your pain.
 
RealPam1992 said...
Aug. 8, 2009 at 8:42 pm
Your story was so intense and so true, i'm really glad that you've gotten help though. You're a really good writer
 
katiemiladie said...
Aug. 8, 2009 at 3:13 am
Touching story. Loved it. I would love it if you take a look at some of my work and comment. Nice job!
 
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