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My experience through pregnancy.

By
My boyfriend (Andy) and I have been dating for the past 3 years. We have had our ups and downs just
like any regular relationship. As you can see nothing in this world is perfect. I will start my life
story from the very beginning until this very day. I've been through a lot and I believe it's
time to let others know what most women go through and the pain they have to deal with during
pregnancy. They say that every pregnancy is different, but they can be very similar.



My normal day before heading for school is to shower, get dressed and comb my hair, but this day
felt different for some reason. I felt as though I didn't want to get dressed or go to school. For
the past few days I've been bleeding on and off, I figured my period was on its way but also
thought this isn't normal because this had never occurred to me before. For those few days Andy
had been saying that I was pregnant but as stubborn as I am, I kept saying no and just figured he
was playing around. November 9, 2007 I woke up with blood all on my pajamas. I got up and quickly
went to take a shower. I thought to myself that my best friend of the month had arrived but didn't
understand why I was having intense abdominal pain. I walked up to my room, my sister asked me if I
was ok because I didn't look myself. I paid no attention and told her to leave me alone and mind
her business. I walked up to the mirror and started to do my hair but for some reason as I raised my
arms to comb my hair I had gotten real dizzy. I quickly put my hair in a bun and sat on the bed to
put on my shoes. When I was done I grabbed my book bag and my school ID. I ran downstairs to explain
to my mom how I was feeling and asked her if she could take me to the hospital after she got out of
work. She agreed and rushed me out the door so she can drop me off at school. While in school I had
a difficult paying attention to everything and anything the teacher said. I dozed off wondering what
the pain I had was. During my computer applications class I e-mailed my mother and sent text
messages to Andy's phone. My mother told me not to worry about it and that I will get through the
day. While Andy on the other hand would say 'baby I'm sorry I can't tell you what's wrong
but you're pregnant I know you are.' All I could say was no. After school I went straight to
Andy's job and sat in a chair that was in the back with my feet up in a fetal position. That was
the only way I was able to bear the pain. Before my mother arrived I asked Andy if I could borrow a
pair of jeans so I could take a shower at his house because I had began to bleed again and didn't
have anymore pads. Since he lived with his sister, I thought she would be able to give me a pad. He
agreed and gave me the keys to enter the apartment. My mother arrived around 4:30 p.m. As I left,
Andy told me he would meet me at the hospital as soon as he got out of work. We arrived at the
emergency room in Robin Wood Johnson and they quickly called me in to ask me some questions. They
gave me a cup for a urine test and within 5 to 10 minutes they called me in to put me in a room. It
took a while before the doctor came in, but when he finally did he asked me questions to get more
information about what was going on. He explained to me that I was pregnant and needed an emergency
ultrasound. He and a male nurse took me down to the ultrasound room. I was so shocked by the news I
didn't hear anything else he said after that. When they rolled me into the ultrasound room the
lady looked at me with a hesitant look. As she went on to check me she asked me if I knew that I was
pregnant. I told her no, but for some reason my boyfriend thought I was. She giggled and said
'well you are 6 weeks and 5 days pregnant.' I was so stunned by the news but thought to myself
why was I bleeding so much? When she was done she called for someone to come down to send me back to
the room I was in. I was so out of it I didn't even know the guy had come to get me. As he rolled
the bed back to the room I thought to myself how could this have happened I mean obviously you have
to have sex to get pregnant but I remembered using protection. As they put me in the room my mother
saw the look I had on my face but didn't say a word. The doctor came in with some papers and of
course the news of my pregnancy. He unfolded the papers and told my mother I was 6 weeks and 5 days
pregnant when Andy had walked in asking if everything was alright. The doctor asked if he was the
father of my baby. Andy looks at me smiles and says yes I am the father while sitting on the bed
next to me. 'We need to make an appointment two weeks from now with the OBGYN because the
ultrasound tech was not able to see or hear the baby's heart beat and the bleeding may cause a
miscarriage' the doctor said. He told me to rest and not to lift heavy objects. On the way home I
was quiet. My mother asked me if I was ok. That's when I opened up and told her that I was going
to tell daddy that I was pregnant and I didn't know how he would take it. I admitted being scared
and I didn't know how my dad was going to react to the situation. Andy and I have been together
for 3 years, but my dad didn't know that. He thought we had gotten together the day that he had
met him, which was not even 3 weeks before I had found out I was pregnant. I also told her that the
bleeding may have been my fault because I was lifting up heavy boxes at work every weekend. I
didn't want to go to my dads but I had no choice. So I asked my mom if Andy could spend the night
the following weekend. With the news of my possible miscarriage, I felt as though I wanted him
closer, I wanted to ask him questions. The next morning I had to tell my father. When he first read
the notes the doctor had written he thought I had a miscarriage. When I explained to him the truth
he was furious. He gave me a whole speech about how he knew I was going to drop out of school and
how he knew Andy wasn't going to be the man he needed to be to support me and my child. He
basically turned his back on me, I really didn't have no support from him at all unlike my mother.
She was very upset but things happen for a reason and in life that is what you have to deal with. My
father actually went to Andy's job and threatened him I was ashamed and embarrassed. After that
had happened Andy did not want to speak to me at all. Then that's when I blamed myself for
everything that crossed my path. The rest of the weekend I felt really uncomfortable. My dad really
didn't speak to me so I just stayed to myself. I was able to speak to Andy that night when
everything was calm and better off. I just wanted to go home. That Monday I went to school feeling
miserable and just blaming myself for what had happened. I wasn't bleeding as much as I was before
and thought I just needed some rest and to take my mind off of everything. I was still dealing with
pain but felt better to proceed with attending school. As the weeks went by everything around me
slowly started to change. I felt as though everything about me was different even though I looked
and acted the same. Finally I made it to the two week appointment where they did another ultrasound
and still found nothing. Andy wondered why this was happening and so was I. The doctor that
examined me made me another 2 week appointment but at a different place in the building. Hearing
this made me feel alone and stressed. I blamed everything on myself because it was the only thing I
knew how to do. I was and still am young but at the time I didn't understand what was going on. My
moods then started to change. I was always depressed and mad at the world when the world had nothing
to do with what was happening to me and my baby. I felt lost, why did I have to go through all this
pain and misery? Andy then felt bad to come see me when he got out of work because he didn't want
to see me down and hurt. He hated to hear me so miserable he told me I was never like that. The two
weeks until my next appointment felt so long. I was anxious and prayed that everything would go fine
at this appointment. I thought I was going to die if they gave me more bad news, but I wanted to
walk in with a positive attitude. The next few days I didn't pay attention to anything I had
heard. I just wanted to be happy. I was having an unexpected pregnancy but I knew my child was going
to be happy with me as her mother, my mother as her grandmother, and Andy as her father. The day of
the appointment had finally arrived. On the way to the hospital all I thought about was listening to
my baby's heart beat. As soon as we walk in the lady walked over and said 'Diceny, we have been
waiting for you.' As I followed her to the room I played with a string that hung from my sweat
pants. When we arrived in the room the nurse told me everything was going to be ok and to just
relax. I laid back inhaled and exhaled deeply. The nurse was really nice and spoke to me the whole
time which made me feel less and less tense. As I looked over at the screen I saw my baby moving all
over I brought my hands up to my mouth in excitement. I was so happy tears just streamed out my
eyes. It was the happiest moment of my life as she turned on the speakers so I could hear her heart
beat. As I heard the thumping sound I knew it had to be her heart. The nurse knew a burden just rose
off my shoulder so she showed me where the baby's heart was. I kept crying with excitement. Seeing
my baby's heart beat and seeing it jump everywhere like it was dancing I knew then and there my
life was beginning to change for the best. When we were done I quickly called Andy to tell him the
good news. He wasn't able to go with me because he had to work. He said he couldn't wait to see
me and when I arrived home to go straight to his job to see him. For the next couple of days the
pain started to go away slowly and I started to feel a little bit better. I then went to my normal
appointment where the doctor just checked if he could hear the baby's heart beat and how fast it
was beating. As the days past and my belly grew I believed I was going to have a boy. I wanted to
have a boy. When I asked Andy what he wanted he would look at me, smile and say what ever god gives
us I will love, care about, and cherish for the rest of his life. At that point I thought maybe
everything was going to be ok, maybe everything was going to be how it should be. Since the day we
had found out I was pregnant, he has wanted me to finish school and not drop out and I really
appreciate that of him. I believe that if we stick together we can accomplish anything. After a
couple of appointments Andy wasn't able to go with me anymore because of his job so my mom came
with me instead. When I was 3 months pregnant I went for my usual blood test screening. The week
after the screening my mother received a phone call from a genetic counselor asking if we can come
in to have a talk. My mother asked what it was about and so the counselor told her. I didn't know
what was going on. All I knew was that I had an appointment and Andy was asked to come along, I
didn't think anything of it. We got in the car and headed for the doctors. When we arrived I sat
nervously because I had never been there and no one wanted to tell me what I was there for. My
mother signed me in and filled out all the information for me. A little while later the genetics
counselor came out and called my name. We all got up and followed her to a room. There we were told
to sit down and asked if we had any questions concerning the situation. I looked over at Andy and
my mother and asked them what situation was she talking about. She looked at my mother and said
'Oh, so you didn't tell her.' I began to get frustrated and said 'tell me what?' The
counselor told me to relax; I sat back and asked her to tell me what was going on. She opened a book
and said 'before I tell you anything I would like for you to know that your blood results came in
and there is a possibility your child may have down syndrome.' As the words Down syndrome echoed
in my ear, I asked her how was that possible. She sat back and said well first, I would like you and
your boyfriend's family history and we will see from there. We told her all we knew about each
others background. She then explained to us another way or cause of Down syndrome. 'Trisomy 21'
she exclaimed. This is when an extra chromosome from the male's sperm or female's sperm does not
split up evenly, meaning a sperm or egg with an abnormal number of chromosomes merges with a normal
mate, the resulting fertilized egg will have an abnormal number of chromosomes. In Down syndrome,
95% of all cases are caused by this event: one cell has two 21st chromosomes instead of one, so the
resulting fertilized egg has three 21st chromosomes. Hence the scientific name, Trisomy 21. She then
showed me the picture below to give a better explanation. The arrow points to the three 21st
chromosomes.






The counselor then said that there was one more way of making sure that these results are true or
false and that is by something called Amniocentesis, I gave her a questioning look so she started to
explain. Amniocentesis is when amniotic fluid is removed from the uterus for testing or treatment.
Amniotic fluid is the fluid that surrounds and protects a baby during pregnancy. This fluid contains
fetal cells and various chemicals produced by the baby. With genetic amniocentesis, a sample of
amniotic fluid is tested for certain abnormalities such as Down syndrome and spina bifida, but in
doing so, there were high risk. Because I was already three months pregnant, I could have a
miscarriage and If it didn't heal properly it can leak amniotic fluid leaving my baby to an early
labor. I already had high risk of miscarriage and couldn't afford to have a scare and so I decided
not to go along with the amniocentesis.


When we left all I did was cry, I mean who wouldn't. I was very sentimental and after hearing that
news I was completely lost. I didn't know what to do or think, I didn't know how to react to the
news and on top of that I felt alone and depressed. When my father had found out of my pregnancy
neither he nor his family really spoke to me just because I was the first in the family to get
pregnant at a young age. All my other cousins were pregnant but they were 19, 20, and 23 year olds
so I felt as though they were treating me differently. I mean things happen for a reason. God made
this for a reason.

I was the talk of the family. All I had was my mother and my boyfriend. Yes my boyfriend and I had
our ups and downs just like any regular teen relationship but we figured how to handle everything
together. Alone you will never accomplish anything. We've been together for too long to let
everything fall apart. The weeks went by with no problem what so ever. I went to all my doctors'
appointments to hear the baby's heart beat and make sure everything else was going well. 3 days
before I turned 5 months I had an ultrasound appointment. As I walked, I prayed for the doctor to
tell me what the gender of the baby growing inside me. Whether you believe it or not the past five
months I had gotten real attached to my baby especially because I knew it may have a diagnosis I
didn't want to believe. When they called me in to see the doctor I got real excited, I was praying
for it to be a boy. She put the cold blue yucky gel on my belly as she did I felt the baby move and
so I giggled. She tried to measure the baby to see how big it was, but the baby wouldn't let her,
it kept moving and jumping everywhere. 'It's a girl' were the next words that came out her
mouth after saying the baby was stubborn. I looked at my mom with a surprised look on my face
because I expected a boy. I wanted to cry but I was still happy because something so wonderful was
growing inside me. The doctor said we had to return in one week because the baby did not let her see
the heart. Andy wasn't able to go with me because he had to work so I called him and gave him the
exciting news, he was so happy. I noticed Andy starting to get a little closer to me ever since I
had given him the news that we were having a baby girl, his baby girl. It wasn't as close as I
expected or wanted but it was enough to show some concern. The time came for my next appointment and
I was so nervous to go because I didn't know what was going to be said. As the doctor called my
name, my mother walked in behind me. They sat me in a room and told me the doctor would be in any
minute. I laid on the bed and waited for her to walk in. When she arrived she lifted up my shirt to
my chest and put the cold blue gel on my belly. She measured the baby's head, bones, and counted
her toes and fingers. When she finally got to the heart she had measured both sides but I didn't
like the look on her face. She looked at me and said one side measures bigger than the other. She
kept looking and after a while showed me something they call a blank spot. She explained to me that
a blank spot is when the doctors see a white or clear dot in someone's heart, mostly in infects
with defects such as Down syndrome or spina bifida. It didn't bother me at first because I was
only concentrating on what my daughter was doing. She would put her hand in front of her face and
then put her thumb in her mouth and just by seeing her do something silly made me love her even
more. In my mind and heart I knew whether or not she had down syndrome she was going to be something
very special to me and her father. The doctor then told me that she will be sending me to Cooper
Plaza in Hamilton to make sure she wasn't mistaken. As we left the hospital my mom saw that I was
tearing, she asked me what was wrong and so I told her that every time I had a doctor's
appointment I felt they would always find something wrong, but as I looked at the photo I just saw a
helpless unborn child that can't do absolutely anything about what was being said. I felt that
what they were saying was wrong and that my daughter was going to come out good and healthy, but
there was a side of me that had doubts. Just to remind you, I was still attending school and making
sure I was getting everything I needed out of my classes. I went to school when I had and didn't
have pain. I took doctors notes to make sure I didn't lose any credits. All my appointments from
the 1st month to the 6th month I had appointments every 4 weeks to make sure everything was going
well. After six months I had to go every two weeks until my due date. The next few days I went to
school acting as if nothing was wrong, as if everything the doctors would tell me filled my heart
with joy. I didn't want anyone else to know the truth. To know what was really bothering me.
It's not that I was ashamed to say my daughter may have down syndrome, but for the simple fact
that they would make it as a big deal and I wasn't ready to be the talk of the school. I was going
through enough to worry about what people thought or said about me in school and I sure didn't
want anyone feeling sorry for me, there was no need. During my pregnancy I began to get close to a
couple of teachers. Not that they let me get away with things, but the way they understood how far I
could go with my work even though I work hard to get what I deserve. In my eyes they helped me in
many ways. I didn't take advantage of them by asking to use the bathroom all the time like most
girls that were pregnant in my class. I respected my privileges as best I could. I thank and
appreciate those teachers for pushing me to do things I know I could do, I was pregnant not
impaired. Mr. W... who was my computer applications teacher, Ms. P... who was my Honors Lit
teacher, and last but not least Mrs. H... who had been my math teacher since freshman year. I thank
all of my other teachers too, but these teachers are the teachers with whom I really spent my
pregnancy time. Mrs. L... I didn't forget about you, she gave a lot of work but she was
my Honors History teacher so I should have expected a lot. I only spent the first couple of days of
my pregnancy in her class but she also showed me that nothing in life is easy and that you have to
work hard to achieve your goal. The work she gave was not hard; we were just too lazy to do it. I
didn't get the grade I wanted but I got the grade I deserved. Faithfully I went to my next
appointment with my mother by my side. The doctor did an ultrasound and noticed that she thrust her
tongue a lot and said that was also a sign or symbol of Down syndrome. They also noticed that I had
excess fluid meaning I had extra amniotic fluid which can cause preterm labor. I felt so wrong.
Since this day I hated going to my appointments. Every time I went, I received bad news. I would end
up going home disappointed, stressed, and frustrated. I understood what the doctors were telling me
and why this stuff was going on, but I just didn't want to listen. I then began to notice that my
personality and train of thought is what kept me going. My personality made me who I am and my train
of thought just gave me hope. On the outside I was always smiling, but on the inside I felt but so
small and frustrated with myself. At this point I began to blame myself for everything that was
going on with my daughter. In my perspective I don't think anyone should blame
themselves for anything that happens. Things happen for a reason and I think we should just live by
it. I don't think we suffer any consequences I just believe that god gives us things we cry over
because he knows we can handle it. God will never send you or lead you towards anything you can not
handle. I didn't believe in myself and I don't think anyone should think this way. You should
just keep your head up high and think positive because the one that's up above looking down on
everyone knows what he is doing. Finally I reached 7 months, I felt as though I was 6
months for ever after all that I went through I didn't know what to think anymore. My mind was in
another stage by this stage and I didn't know what to think anymore. I was lost and I felt alone.
All I wanted to do was lock myself in my room and cry all day. I hated going to the doctors; by this
time I didn't even want to go to the doctors. The only one that was supporting me since the day we
had found out I was pregnant was my mother. She took me to the doctors she gave me what I wanted and
the love and support I needed. She didn't care about what anyone had to say. I was closer to
having my child and that was the only thing I was looking forward to. I went to my appointment
knowing that something was going to go wrong. My conscious ended up being right they told me
everything looked good until they reached her heart. They started to tell me that one of the sides
of her heart was going to be bigger than the other and that she was going to have a hard time
breathing if this was true. They needed to schedule another appointment to make sure. I went home
upset and believing something was really wrong with me. When my mother and I got in the car my tears
just started flowing, I was hurt and confused. Andy and I were always arguing over stupid things
and the pain I was having was unbearable. These two things in my mind couldn't mix. I felt sick
and uncomfortable. Andy he's a nice person in his own way. He does what he has to do but always
has a comment to say about it. He was helpful at times but there were just certain things that
bothered me. Of course I love him, it's just at times he' to make a long story short he acts
like we are married. It's not that I wouldn't like to be his wife; it's just he over reacts to
certain things. That's life and if I would like to make things work I would need to express myself
to him and explain to him how I feel instead of keeping it to myself. I thought Andy was the only
person for me. I believed he was the only person I was ever going to love; I thought I was no one
without him. I love him and I would love to stay with him. I have no regrets of being with him, but
word of advice for the ladies who are going through this feeling. We are women and we are strong
physically and mentally. We can do what ever we put our mind to and what ever our heart desire. We
defiantly do not need a man to do it for us. Without us men wouldn't survive, they wouldn't have
the beautiful children we carry around for nine months. It took a bad relationship and a beautiful
baby girl to figure this out and now I know being with him was worth it. It wasn't a waste of my
time, it was a lesson well learned. Even though he has put me through a lot I don't think I would
have survived with some one else. He put a lot of love and effort in showing me he can do better.
It's tough, but I believe him, but this will not make me seem lower than others. It will not make
my woman-hood seem weak or stupid. This will just make me a stronger person than I am today. Towards
the middle of my 7th month everything went wrong. I was depressed, stressed and in pain. The pain
wasn't as bad as it was at first but it still felt like someone was stabbing me. I was depressed
because of all the news about my daughter, and stressed because I didn't know what will be coming
next. My father then started talking to me again, which at that point really didn't matter
anymore. I was tired of everyone telling me what I should and shouldn't do with my child and my
relationship. I didn't want to eat or socialize with anyone; my life revolved around anger and
sometimes still does. With my father I felt as though I completely lost him. When my
father found out I was pregnant I thought he was going to kill me but instead he gave me something
worse, a father daughter speech. He spoke his mind and heart. It hurt more than any beating, even
though he has never hit me before. It hurt because it wasn't like I planned or intended to get
pregnant. It seemed the more he talked the more he made it seem like I had. After his talk it was
pure silence which made me feel awkward. Every other weekend I would go to his house and be even
more depressed. The rest of my family didn't really talk to me until I was about five months but
they did speak about me. They did get me some things for the baby but I felt as if though it was out
of sarcasm or they just felt sorry for me. By my 7th month I noticed my dad trying to talk to me
more but not as much so I didn't pay no mind to it. When I hit my 34th weeks (8 months)
of pregnancy I decided to get the amino it wasn't as bad as I thought it would have been, but it
did hurt a little. When the doctor was taking out the amniotic fluid I felt as though my stomach got
tighter. Even though I was far along, this can still cause early labor, when I left I was ok but
felt a little nauseous. Two days later I couldn't take the pain it was unbearable, so my father
took me to the hospital. It was a Friday, and I was with him that weekend so it didn't matter.
When we arrived at the hospital, the nurse put me on the monitor and did some other
things. I looked at the monitor to see how it's supposed to work. I knew the heart sign was for
the baby's heart so I figured the other was the contractions. As the contractions read
45'50'60 and back to 50, I tried my best to keep as still as possible to make the pain go away.
While the doctor came in to check my blood pressure and cervix my dad's wife stayed in the room
with me. With all the back pain I was having I just wanted to have the baby, but the doctor told me
I couldn't have her because she was still too small to get the surgery she needed for her blocked
abdomen. Instead they gave me pills I had to take every four hours to try and slow down the
contractions. The pills worked from the moment I left the hospital until the moment I went home to
go to sleep. The next day they wasn't helping me at all, the pain felt more intense then ever. I
was to the point where I wanted to cry every time I felt uncomfortable. I ended up going back to the
hospital Sunday morning for the same thing. The doctor again sent me home with one centimeter
dilated and I had to take two pills every four hours instead of one. That night I arrived back at my
mother's house, I ate the little bit that I could so I wouldn't throw up. I stopped taking the
pills later on that night because they was not helping me at all and I was getting aggravated waking
up in the middle of the night. This week I turned 35 weeks, I felt good and wasn't having as much
pain as I was before. I had a doctor's appointment at the OBGYN that Friday in Camden. My mother
and I took the river line which stops across the street from the hospital. When we arrived I thought
everything was going to go well I was feeling well and had my bottle of water by my side. When the
nurse called me in she weighed me and put me in a room. The nurse then came in again and said she
was going to check my blood pressure and my heart rate. I wasn't worried about any of that I just
wanted the cheese steak that was waiting for me at the store. I noticed she check both of my arms
which they have never done to me before. She looked at me and said 'I'll be right back I have to
call the doctor and tell her to come in fast'. She came back in and told me the doctor would be
right in, but she also explained to me that my blood pressure was extremely high. When the doctor
arrived in the room, the nurse explained to her what the occasion was. The doctor turned around and
said we also found a lot of protein in your urine. She then asked me to lie down to see how dilated
I was. As she checked she told me I was one centimeter, but really thin. She took off her gloves and
said she had to send me to the hospital to take a 24 hour urine sample. I hated the fact that I had
to stay the night. My mother stayed with me until 3 o'clock to get my brother and sister from
school. My father arrived about an hour after my mother had left. He asked me what the doctors had
told me and so I explained to him what my OBGYN doctor had told me and why I had to stay for 24
hours on a urine test. He decided to stay until 8 or 9 o'clock. After he left the nurse came to
check my blood pressure. At the moment I told her I was having bad back pains. The nurse put me on
the monitor and checked my cervix. She told me that everything seemed fine and that I was almost 2
centimeters. When the nurse had left I started feeling real depressed Andy hadn't called me he
knew I was in the in the hospital because my mother had told him. Andy and I had been fighting but
when it comes to his daughter I didn't think our little kitty fight mattered. Through out the rest
of the night I couldn't sleep I just kept tossing and turning. I couldn't talk on the phone
because I didn't have my charger with me, I felt alone and depressed. No one was able to stay with
me because there was another female in the same room. Morning arrived and I was anxious to leave. My
mother arrived around 11 o'clock a.m. She brought me some clothes, my toothbrush, and a brush to
fix my hair. The funny thing is I had gotten my hair done on Friday to go take my pregnancy pictures
and ended up staying in the hospital with my hair done but no pictures. After a while my father and
his wife walked in the room. We really didn't talk, we just watched TV and waited for the nurse to
come in and tell us what time I was able to go home. Shortly after, my aunt arrived with her three
kids. I felt better having a lot of company, I appreciated it, but it just wasn't the company I
was looking for. After a while of chit chat my aunt left because she had to get ready for church. My
father then started to get impatient waiting for the nurse to come in the room so he left with his
wife. My mother was the last person to stay with me of course I had to get home some how. We waited
and waited for at least two or more hours for the nurse to arrive. When she finally arrived to tell
me I was able to go home at five o'clock, which was only an hour away. I got up as quick as I
could to take a nice warm bath before leaving. After I came out of the shower I had to wait again
for the nurse to bring me my release papers and take off my IV. While waiting for the nurse to come
I started to feel some pain in my lower back and so I sat down. When the nurse walked in she asked
me was I ok. I explained to her how I was having strong back pain. She told me everything was going
to be fine they were probably just Braxton hicks or false labor. I knew something was wrong but I
wasn't to sure of what it was. On the ride back I was in extreme pain I just wanted to sleep. When
we arrived at the house my cousin was waiting for me on my porch so I sat next to him as he asked me
if I was ok and why was I away for so long. I gave him little details but clear facts about what was
going on. He helped me off the porch told me to get some sleep and to let him know if anything
happens. I walked inside to see my happy crying dog trying to jump on me. I sat on the couch so he
can lie on my lap but instead he tried to lick my face. I grabbed him and placed him next to me as
he did his natural routine of placing his two front paws and head on my belly as I rubbed his head.
He felt that I wasn't acting myself and started crying. I began to feel a little sleepy and so I
put him on the floor and walked up the stairs. I laid on the bed and closed my eyes but I just
couldn't sleep. I turned on my back or my side but how ever I laid felt uncomfortable and severe
back pain. I got up used the bath room and got back in bed. I felt a constant stabbing sensation on
my lower back. I sat up watched my dog turn over in his bed to get comfortable. I looked for the
control and turned on the TV to see if the pain will go away long enough so I could go back to
sleep. I left the TV on laid on my back and began playing with my little brother's DS. I still
couldn't stop the pain, it just got worse and worse. For the rest of the night lights were going
on and off in the house as I called my mom back and fourth to help me. The sun rose to shine on a
new beautiful and sunny morning. My little brother and sister woke up to eat breakfast. My mother
and I were already awake. My mother was upset because she had a lot of things to do that day and
didn't get any sleep the night before. I didn't want to do anything I was in so much pain but my
mother still made me tag along with her. I walked and roamed the stores in my pajamas. When we
arrived at the house I quickly got out of the car and went inside the house leaving everything in
the car. I laid on the couch and complained for the rest of the day. I turned and turned on the
couch because I was so uncomfortable but I couldn't even walk up the stairs. If I was able to get
comfortable it would be no longer then 10 minutes when I would start complaining of back pain. I
began to get aggravated because all I wanted was to get some sleep as the pain started getting worse
and worse. I knew something was wrong but I didn't exactly know what it was. My mom gave me a warm
cloth but it only worked for a certain amount of time. That night I wasn't able to lie down, sit
down or kneel down. This made me feel so uncomfortable. I thought I wasn't going to make it at the
rate I was going. I would walk around the house and use the bathroom every 5 to 10 minutes. Walking
helped a little, but all I wanted was to get some sleep. My mom would try her best to ignore my
calling her but I would call her on the phone with a blocked number, and when she answered I would
say 'Mom don't you hear me calling you'. At about 3 or 4 in the morning I couldn't take it,
I went to the bathroom and called my mom from the bathroom. When she came in the bathroom I told her
as soon as she took the kids to school I wanted to go to the hospital. When the clock stroke 7:00
a.m. I woke the kids up and told them to get ready for school. I was so aggravated I started rushing
people out the door. They arrived at school about 7:50 a.m. and from there my mom and I headed
towards Camden. I fell asleep because of the soothing car ride but woke up every so often because of
the pain. We arrived at the hospital at exactly 9:00. The security guard sent us upstairs to the
second floor where the neonatal was located. They immediately laid me on the bed but took forever to
figure out my paper work. They had me on the monitor but I just couldn't sit still with all the
pain. Waiting on the doctor to check if I was dilated was horrible, she took forever. I understood
that she had to check my stats and everything but the pain was unbearable. When she was finally able
to check my cervix she told me I was 6 ' centimeters. As they began giving me my IVs my mom called
my dad to tell him I was in labor. She tried calling Andy but I didn't think he was going to make
it on time anyway. When we got to the delivery room they had to put some fluids through my IV. One
of them felt as if it was burning me through the inside. After a few minutes they called for an
epidural for the simple fact that I had a high risk pregnancy since the first day I found out I was
pregnant. It kind of hurt when they first put it but then after a second or two, everything seemed
fine. The nurse helped me lay down as I felt my legs start to tingle. I couldn't feel anything
from the waist down and every time I tried to go to sleep some one would walk in so I would wake up
again. Everything seemed as if it was going by so fast. About an hour or two later the doctor came
in and said I was almost 9 centimeters. I couldn't wait to see my daughter even though I knew she
wasn't going to be able to be with me. When everything had calmed down my mom called Andy to see
if he was on his way and to tell him our daughter was on her way to being born. I felt so exhausted
and just thought about sleeping. Around 1:58 the doctor came in, checked me and told me I could
start pushing. The nurse and my mom helped me while the doctor went to get prepared and get the NICU
doctors. I felt sort of uncomfortable because my dad was their, but at the time I just wanted to get
the baby out. The doctor came in and did what she had to do in order for me to get the baby out. The
nurse had to let me know when to push because I couldn't feel the contractions. My dad then
started to make fun of me saying 'you're doing well, she sees the light you can do it.' I
started laughing so hard my daughter literally came out flying. My dad cut the umbilical cord
because Andy hadn't arrived, but it felt kind of weird that he did it. I will never forget all of
the water that came out after my daughter was out. My dad called it the Niagara Falls; it was so
much water it soaked the nurses and the doctor from chest to toe. After she was out I felt as though
my belly dropped when she had come out, but I felt so relieved at the same time. I felt as though I
lost a hundred pounds. All I heard was that one baby cry and I started crying myself. They cleaned
her up and showed her to me for about five seconds then took her to the NICU to get her set up. I
hated the fact that they took her and I wasn't able to hold her or talk to her for the first time.
For a moment I felt as though they took her away because I was a bad person even though I knew the
real reason why they took her. I was still numb from the epidural but I was happy that she was
healthy. All she had was down syndrome and surgery she had to get through. After delivering I had to
wait one more minute to push out the placenta. I felt as though I lost a couple more pounds. My
daughter was born at exactly 2:06 p.m. and weighed 5 lbs. and 7 oz. I thought it was going to be
hard but it was ok. I felt good and proud that I was a mother. I knew I was young and had a big
responsibility on my shoulders but I knew I was ready for what ever God put in my path. When I
started to get the feeling in my legs, they rolled me down to the other room. On the way down they
showed me how to get into the NICU room and what I had to do while going in. After washing my hands
and putting on some hand sanitizer they rolled me to the room my baby girl was in. My mother and my
grandmother went in with me. When I saw her they explained to me that the tube she had through her
mouth was to empty out her stomach since she wasn't able to poop. They also told me the stick on's
on her chest were to keep track of her heart rate because she was premature. I felt so bad and
wrong; I just wanted to hold my daughter like any mother would. I started to get sentimental and had
to leave. As the tears rolled down my cheeks my mother tried to comfort me. We arrived in the room
and the nurse helped me on the bed. She told me that when I was ready and able to walk better I
could go to see my daughter anytime of day. I had no cloths to change into so I had to wait until
the next day for my mom to bring my bag. I looked at mom and said that was better then I thought it
would be. With a fake smile on my face and broken heart in my chest I opened the door for those
coming to see me. Andy was one of them. My dad, his wife and my grandmother had already left. So it
was just my mother, Andy, and me. At this moment I was mad I didn't want Andy to be there. All I
thought about was that I had a child by a man that never had time to go to any of my doctors
appointments. I understood why but I just didn't want to understand. He wasn't able to go
through any of the phases with me and he wasn't there for my daughter's birth. I never
understood why I stayed with someone that I felt showed no emotion or love towards me. He was just
so good at toying with my emotions. I felt as though I loved someone that didn't love me and was
with other people while being with me' We basically argued the whole time he was there because of
something that had occurred earlier that week. I was so mad at him that he decided to leave. I kept
thinking about the situation not even the TV had my attention. The nurse came in to check my blood
pressure and if my feet were still swollen. While doing this she started a conversation with me
trying to be nice, when she told me that my blood pressure was really high. She told me I had to
relax and had to stay away from stress. I told her I would but I didn't listen. When she left I
was stressing about what happened earlier between me and Andy. I loved him but at the same time I
hated him. He had done so many things to me that I didn't think when he said he loved me, it was
true. I wasn't able to sleep. The clock read 12:30 a.m. I got up put on my slippers and walked
over to the NICU. I washed my hands to the elbow and put hand sanitizer on and kept walking. When I
got to her room I saw this little beautiful baby girl in an incubator with so many ugly things
attached to her. She looked so snug and tender to the touch. I felt my eyes getting watery as a
nurse came to me and introduced herself. She told me that she was going to be my daughters nurse for
the night and explained to me about some of the things that they were going to be doing. She looked
at all the numbers on the machines my daughter was connected to and wrote them in a book as I stared
at my daughter wish I could just hold her and take her home the day I would leave. She turned around
and saw the tears come down my cheek, walked close to me and asked me if I wanted to hold her. I
turned and looked at her and said I would love to but that I was scared to. She told me not to worry
about it that she would help me. She walked away to get me a rocking chair to sit in. The closer she
got the more nervous I got. When she arrived to where I was she said I could sit down and she would
hand her to me. I sat down and waited patiently as the tears ran down my cheeks. She slowly passed
me this little bundle of joy. She was tiny, beautiful and yet so fragile. I've held babies before
but the feeling of holding your own baby is not the same feeling. She was mine, my beautiful baby
girl, suddenly my tears of sadness and fear turned into joy and overwhelming warmth of love. I never
knew or understood the feeling of having a child until my little Andy was born. I believed and
still do believe that she was sent from above. God gave her to me for a reason and is putting her
through the things she has for a reason, and I cherish every moment of it. I don't regret anything
I have done or said. In my eyes my daughter was perfect in everyway. I finally had something I was
able to call my own. Even though she was perfect in my eyes, she wasn't to doctors. As I said
before she had Down syndrome and needed surgery for her double bubble other wise known as duodenal
atresia. Duodenal atresia is a condition in which the first part of the small bowel (the duodenum)
has not developed properly resulting in a blockage between the stomach and the bowel. This defect is
identified by sonography due to the presence of polyhydramnios and the "double-bubble" (fluid-filled
stomach and duodenum). This defect is present in approximately 1 in 5,000 pregnancies, and
approximately 30% of these fetuses have trisomy 21. Therefore amniocentesis might be beneficial.
Also, other anomalies are present in approximately 50% of these cases. The prognosis of these
fetuses depends on the presence of other anomalies. I hated the fact that she had to get surgery and
the fact that she had to stay in the hospital, but it was for her good and I understood that. I was
upset because I didn't know how long she would be in the hospital. I wasn't able to hold her
anymore with all these thoughts running through my head, it was too hard for me emotionally. I
couldn't see my daughter with all the plugs and needles on her. I called the nurse over to me and
told her I had to go back to the room for a minute. She took the baby as I gave her a kiss on the
cheek; I pushed the chair back and walked out the room. I felt miserable as I left the room. I just
wanted to take my daughter with me but I understood that if I wanted her to get better she had to
stay under intensive care. I knew they were going to take good care of her but I felt as though I
was a missing the biggest part of my daughters life. I felt as though the nurses were doing my job.
I closed the door behind me as I entered my room and sat on the bed I looked at my phone and noticed
my mom had called. I ignored the missed call and ended up putting myself to sleep but woke up as
soon as I heard the nurse came in to check up on me. She smiled at me and said ok lets check your
blood pressure now. It had gotten lower than what it was the first time she had came in. When she
left I got up and walked into the bathroom to do my personals. When I was done I went to go see my
daughter. Andy, my mother and I had decided to call her Neydi. I felt a little
better but just wanted Andy to be with me for us to stop arguing and for him to be by my side. As I
walked in the NICU room I saw some doctors testing her to see where or what she was ready to do
next. I told them I would be back later on and went back to the room to see if my mother had arrived
with my bag of clothes. I walked into the room to hear my phone ring. I walked over to answer it. It
was my mother telling me she was on her way up and that Andy was on his way to the hospital. I sat
on the bed and waited for her to bring my bag up. When she arrived I had to wait to shower because
the nurse had to come in to take the IV off. As I waited Andy entered the room, we hugged and he
gave me a kiss on the cheek. The nurse shortly came in to un-plug everything but she left the needle
in my hand. When she was done I rushed to take a warm bath that I felt I needed. Shortly after I had
gotten out of the shower my father and the rest of the family had walked in the room. I felt a
little uncomfortable because I knew my father did not like Andy and neither did the rest of my
family thanks to my father. They quickly judge Andy before they really got to know him. My grandma
looked at me and told me to take my grandfather to see the baby. I hesitated looking at Andy and
said ok. We went quickly over there and came back fast, everything seemed ok. To tell the truth I
really didn't even want my family to be there. I appreciated there company but they made me feel
uncomfortable because I knew something bad was going to happen. I love my family on my dad's side
but they get into business I don't think they need to be in. Andy had said hi to my grandparents
when they had walked in but they just ignored him and treated him so disrespectfully. I didn't
understand why they treated him this way but then said they wanted to see my daughter and said how
beautiful she looked and everything, but what they don't see is that if it wasn't for him they
wouldn't be seeing no daughter from me or any kid what so ever. While they sweated me and my
daughter that's all that crossed my mind. My mom had left because she had to get my little brother
and sister and she really didn't conversate with my family any way. I asked my cousin to go with
me to see the baby and had taken Andys phone with me to take a picture of the baby. While I was
gone I don't know what had happened that Andy went into the NICU angry and frustrated. I knew I
should have never left him alone in the room with my family, but I didn't listen to my conscience.
He didn't want to tell me what had happened he was just telling me he wanted his phone back
because he was leaving. I knew there was something wrong because he had never really talked to me in
the manner that he had talked to me that day. I just gave him the phone and as he walked away my
cousin and I had walked out the NICU right behind him. As he turned towards the exit I wanted to
follow him to ask him what had happened but I just let him be. When I walked in everyone knew
something had happened because I was mad and had tears in my eyes. I stayed quiet while everyone
talked amongst themselves about who was going next to see the baby. For some reason they knew I
wasn't going to take anyone else and my dad wasn't going to take everyone else because he
couldn't it's only two people allowed at a time. When they left I tried calling Andy to see if
he was ok and to see if he would tell me what had happened while he was here but he didn't want to
answer my phone call. So I called my mom and asked her if she knew what was going on. She said she
didn't know but that she will call Andy to see what had happened earlier. At this point I was
already crying because I knew something bad had happened between my family that was there and Andy.
I was angry my family had done or said something to the person who fathered my child. My mother
called me back after a couple minutes of hanging up with her. She told me that they had called him
names in his face expecting him to do or say something but I think he did the right thing to walk
away. I felt bad because he left when I wanted him to stay. Know that I had found out that they had
said something that offended him I knew why he had left. I waited a while until he had calmed down
and was able to talk to me. When I finally called him, I asked him if he was ok and to explain to me
what had really happened. He began to tell me how he felt and that he felt like leaving me because
of my family. Hearing this hurt me deeply. To calm him down I told him that I didn't care what
they said bout me him or both of us and that they was never going to change my mind about being with
him or the way I feel for him. He understood where I was coming from but he was still mad at the
fact that they had said hurtful things to him. Things they should have not said. We hung up but
before we did he apologized for the way he had treated me. I told him he didn't need to apologize
because he didn't intend to treat me the way he did. He was just hurt and upset. After hanging up
I still cried because I didn't believe they had said something to hurt someone they barely know.
Since I cried for almost the entire day my blood pressure had gone up again. I began to feel light
headed, when the nurse walked in and quickly put the strap on my arm to check my blood pressure. I
had gone out for a little while and she helped me stay up. She told me that my blood pressure was
way too high and that I had to try and stay calm. She asked me if I would like to talk to her and
tell her what was going on. So I told her from the beginning. She was so sweet and so helpful for
taking the time to listen to me. I felt a little better because I felt as though I had someone I
could actually speak to. As she left she said she would be back in an hour to see how everything was
going. Two days later I was out of the hospital but my daughter had to stay. I felt so bad that she
had to stay in the NICU while I went home without her. So one of the DYFS workers insisted I stay at
the Ronald McDonald and that she will call so they can save me a room. The only thing was that I had
to find an adult to stay with me. So I called my aunt. I was able to go in and out when ever I
wanted to go see Neydi. The NICU was open 24 hours so I was able to go at what ever time I wanted.
My aunt agreed to stay the night with me but that we had to get on the train by 6 a.m. so she could
get to work on time. I waited for her at the Ronald McDonald and while I waited I read a book on
children with Down syndrome that the genetics doctors had given me. When my aunt arrived we paid the
lady so we can receive the room and the house key. We walked up to the room to put our stuff away.
Then we walked over to the hospital to go see my daughter for a little while. When we came back we
had a little snack before going up to the room. We sat at a table next to the window and spoke about
what was going on with me, Andy, and the family. When we were done we went up to the room to hang
out. Sadly there are no TV's in the rooms. So we entertained ourselves by playing games on our
phones. After a while we decided it was time to go to bed. I went to take a shower to try and accept
that my daughter was here for her good. While I got ready for bed my aunt went and took a shower.
The Ronald McDonald House was an awesome place. They had a play room for big kids little
kids and babies. They had a family room and a quiet room where you can sit to relax and read books
if you wanted. They had an elevator to go up to the rooms. And on the second floor where I was, they
had a TV room, a computer and book room and in the back of that room was the laundry room. This
place looked so small on the outside but is so big on the inside. They also had the biggest kitchen
I have ever seen with so many things to eat. They dinning room was also big they had a lot of tables
and a lot of space to move around. If I lived there I think I would love it. We woke up at
5 a.m. to get on the river line by 6 a.m. We each took a shower got dressed and headed for the
train. We arrived just on time in Trenton. I walked to my house and my aunt walked to her house to
catch a ride with my grandfather before he left. I walked my little brother and sister to their
summer camp program which was only 15 minutes away from my house. When I got home I changed clothes,
and walked to the corner store to buy a bottle of water and headed back to the river line to go to
Camden. I did this for the 3 weeks that she was in the hospital $1.35 everyday even on the weekends.
Everyday was something different sometimes it was good news and sometimes bad news. Two days after
Neydi being born they noticed she had jaundice so she had to be on blue lights. Happily they took
her off after a week and a half of having them on her. June 27 of 2008 Neydi was released from the
NICU and she was finally able to go home with me. I was finally able to pick her up with out all the
wires on her and beeping all the time. She was beautiful and so tiny as I dressed her to go home.
Andy slept over that weekend to help me with her and it felt good. For the first time in my life I
felt I had someone to love and that I know would grow to love me back. My daughter is now 8 months
big, bad and healthy. She is a very happy and joyful baby. She was unexpected but welcomed in every
way. Andy and I are still together. We still have our ups and downs but that's the way normal
relationships work. Andy has purposed to me and I am now engaged I know I am young but I am very
happy where I stand. Just for my daughter to know 'I am your mother but the very first to call
your best friend.' 'I love you no matter what happens you are my daughter and I love you in
every which way.'

Neydi 5lbs. 7oz. and 18 3/4in. She is now 14lbs. 6oz. and very energetic.





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SwissMiss said...
Mar. 11, 2012 at 2:22 pm
Wow, that is an amazing story and I cannot believe how strong you were through it all. I never would have been able to live through that and I congratulate you on your new baby Neydi! I thought it was really inspiring how you kept your head up and kept going! :)
 
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