The pain in chest won’t go away. It’s not exactly a pain, like a rising of something I don’t want to come out of my mouth. I don’t want to cry; I don’t want to let the overwhelming feelings I have overcome me. I don’t want to look weak, I am always weak. I want to be strong. Someone very close to me once said that I was a great actress. I played pretend like no one else could. At that moment I took it as an insult but now I see it as a gift. If I can play the part of a wonderfully happy girl, then I will be a greater actress than any women in Hollywood. Sometimes though, like now my mask is flawed and the tears fall, and I am crumpling when I least want to. Even the greatest actresses make mistakes.
June 23, 2009