I am not my Depression

By , Norwell, MA
Depression. That one ten letter word. That word takes not even a second to say but the word represents so much. The affects on a person can last so long. I learned that the hard way through experience. Depression does not mean I am lazy, ungrateful, or weak. I believed that for years. When people say I’m ungrateful it’s degrading. When people say I’m lazy it’s insulting. However when people say I’m weak, that’s the worst. I feel weak in spirit and physically. However, I myself am not weak. I try my hardest to maintain relationships with my teachers, family, friends etc, I try my hardest to get good grades and nothing comes out of it. I as a person am very, very outgoing and energetic person, but my condition has been taking that person away. The affects haunt me. When doctors diagnosed me with it, I knew it would be a long and painful journey. They told me the basics. It was too late for the basics. I knew because I have already tried to take my own life three times and was in the emergency room. I knew it was late but I’d give my best effort.

People who are depressed and people who are affected by someone who have Depression need to be aware that they are not the Depression. Depression is a serious illness, not a description of one’s personality. People lack the ability to recognize that. Outgoing, quiet, shy, loving, lovable, caring, charismatic, intelligent, humorous etc. are characteristics of someone’s personality. Depression can be an intense feeling/illness, not a quality of a person. I have been treated like that I am my Depression. I do my best to show others my true qualities but a lot of the time people can only see the Depression, not me. They notice that I’m less social, and that I’m in bed a lot of the time, and that I am not the person I used to be. Luckily there are people out there who know me…. The real me. They know that I do community service, tutor people and help others with their problems. They know I’m the one who cracks hysterical jokes in class. They know that I’m forgiving and they know I go to church and take friends to fun places. They know I’ve been through so much and that I’m strong. They remember me….they know me. I feel like I’ve died in spirit but I will resurrect into a new light when I get better. I’ll do my best to help others who are suffering from it and show them that they are not the illness…they are themselves a human with a great personality who can, with support, travel on the road to recovery. I can do my best to take others out of the darkness as well help myself to pull myself out of this awful time.

Depression is like a mask. One that is firm and tight. Beneath the mask is a person who has an amazing personality that’s struggling to brake through the mask and shine. This can happen with correct treatment. Someone’s personality is powerful. It has the power to glow and break through the darkness of this evil mask. Dealing with Depression is like a battle in war. It’s a war inside someone. It’s a battle that requires strength and courage but with support and correct treatment the enemy can be defeated. It will be a rewarding victory. My other problems are there but they do not identify me as a person. They can be treated and that gives me hope. It will come someday, however bravery and patience is the key. People need to recognize that I am not my Depression. I am not my Bipolar disorder. I am not my Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. I am not my learning disability. I am not my traumatizing experiences. I am me… a humorous, outgoing, caring person willing to help others and take on a challenge. I will be there for others to lead us to victory. Out of the dark pit and into a new shining light.





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Kwstar said...
Jul. 14, 2009 at 5:23 am
I love your article I hope people can see that we aren't our depression too someday. You just have to keep going. Good luck.
 
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