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That's So Coral

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Twenty-two percent of the Great Barrier Reef has been killed by coral bleaching. This statistic is commonly used by environmentalists and “coral-huggers” to argue against innovation. They want us to believe that water pollution from our productive businesses and companies is bad for us. Well I say, maybe we do not pollute enough. Maybe we should pollute even more. Humankind releasing millions of tons of “pollution” into the ocean every year is always painted in a bad light, but there are definite benefits to increasing the amount of material thrown into the ocean.


For starters, decreasing water pollution would put a strain on Australia’s economy. Many of the companies that would be affected by legislation protecting the reef are natural gas and coal companies. Both have proven to be essential to powering the power homes, business, and transportation. And coal enabled the industrial revolution. It is a true icon of the past. Why would we ever want to get rid of it? These exports are a huge part of the Australian economy, so let’s increase this wealth. Of course this means we will have to go through some pesky reefs, but this destruction will be worth it to see the land down under rise in economic prominence.


Thankfully, many coal companies have recognized their importance to Australia and formed special interest groups to lobby the government. Due to this lobbying, many politicians now back these companies and have plans to vote for legislation allowing them to mine closer and closer to the reef. The Commonwealth of Australia finally recognized the importance of these businesses and their ability to move Australia forward. Money may not be able to buy you happiness, but it damn sure can buy you political allies.

Now with all of this pollution we can tackle another issue, dangerous aquatic animals. Australia has one of the highest shark attack frequencies in the world, but there is even more dangerous animals lurking off Australia’s shores. In the Australian waters there are many other dangerous animals, such as the cone snail and stonefish. The Great Barrier reef is truly terrifying, and Australia doesn’t need any help with terror. They have dinner plate sized spiders, numerous highly-venomous snakes, a giant bird capable of killing a person with a single kick, and the ever menacing dropbear. Do they really need any help from the water to strike fear in anyone’s heart?

Some may be taken aback, and say it’s not ethical to just let all of the thousands of species of fish, mammals, birds, mollusks, and arthropods die out. Bleh, they’ve only been around for 500,000 years, who cares? They are simply in the way of innovation. It’s time for a human touch. When has that ever backfired? They have had their fun for far too long.


Hopefully someday Australia will just get rid of the reef all together. It has been nothing but trouble. All those dangerous animals. And blocking the country from its natural energy resources? What does it think it is? The Reef needs to take a lesson from coal: dark, brooding, full of energy, and one hundred percent without drawbacks. Who needs all of that “natural beauty” when you can have a bunch of expensive black rocks?




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