Recycling Overload

December 4, 2009
Custom User Avatar
More by this author
Do people really care about recycling, or is it just something that people do because every one else is doing it? Do they really want to do it, or are they doing it because some man gave them a bin and told them to?
About a year ago, people everywhere started the biggest recycling movement of the century. Bins have been passed out. Schools are having competitions to see which class can collect the most.
Sara W. tells us: “I have never recycled before in my life, but I am now finding myself yelling at people who put a plastic container in a trash can.” We asked her about her feud with the neighbors and she had this to say: “Us and the P.'s use to be best friends, but then one day Susie P. was over playing with my little Katie, and she didn’t recycle her soda can. I gave her a long talk and a spankin. Well after she ran home in tears Mrs. P. called me over and asked me why I did that. I told her about how strongly our family feels about recycling and we had a long argument about it. We have been enemies ever since.” Our reporter asked her if this was before or after the solar powered electric fence. She told us that it was after that they had it installed.
We then went and talked to the P. family and asked some questions. “Susie is three,” said Mrs. Peterson, “she had no idea what she was doing. We don’t much recycle in our family, not in our nature. If our ancestors had no need to recycle, then why the dickens would we need to. We’ve been doing fine with Gods green earth and we’re gonna be fine with it tomorrow. Ya’ll need to take a step back and realize it aint helpin’ nothin’ and we’ll be fine.” Mrs. W. then came outside and started yelling so we had to escort her off the premises. We then had to send Mr. P. back in the house after he came out with a riffle.
We asked The Onion what corporations said they were going to do to help the economy. Chevron clamed they were putting a stack of pamphlets explaining the benefits of carpooling on the receptionist’s desk. Wal-Mart is getting in on it by having they’re cashiers making the “boop” sound with their mouths when scanning items. Panasonic say they have a new TV screen that saves energy by eliminating red from its color spectrum. Toys R Us is going to recycle gently used toys and resell them for full price. Half of the money will go towards them going solar powered. Kleenex has decided to make their boxes out of metal so they don’t waste cardboard anymore. Many other companies are changing drastically to help the earth.
We then met up with Timmy J. He’s literally gone green. “Well I feel so much love for this earth and going green for her that I had my skin died green. I use only candles to light up my house. I have a fireplace with firewood to keep my house warm. I have a large backyard full of plants. There are trees of all sorts filling the world with oxygen. I have my own garden and a farm and that’s where I get my food.” He told us how he promotes recycling by using recycled paper to put up posters about it. Then he showed us how he recycles his plumbing, but we’ve decided to leave that part out.
We asked Dr. Nancy Pepper her thoughts on the matter. “Well, the average American individual consumes 120 pounds of natural resources every day, and throws away 3 and ½ pounds of trash a day. That’s a lot of trash. So we’ve decided down at the Recycling Head Quarters that we are going to start making everything recyclable. Recycling everything from nail polish to hair. Right now our specialists are trying to figure out how to recycle Facebook. Recent studies have shown that things such as Facebook and Myspace are killing the ozone layers. We’ve noticed that they give off rays of communication. Too much communication in one area can let of a ray called C1M1. This is a ray that does more harm then just killing the ozone layer. We believe that it also has a ray that controls teenagers. We’re not sure how it works yet, but we’re still doing research.” She had some other theories about different rays and different ways to go green. You can find her book It’s Not Easy Being Green where she explains more in depth about these theories.
Over the past years we have been learning more and more about the earth and how to help it be a better place to live. So go plant a tree and recycle everything you can. By going green and recycling we will be able to save the earth in no time.

Post a Comment

Be the first to comment on this article!

Site Feedback