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To Shoot A Gun

on the trigger side of the rifle
her shifting elbows
leave the lollipop sights
but after squinting both eyes
she fires.
In her delighted fingertips
is mind
she, too, can touch.

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Midnight_Hum This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Mar. 8, 2011 at 4:19 pm


I really liked this.

However the last part

"In her delighted fingertips

is mind

she, too, can touch"

seemed a little off.

Especially the 'is mind'.  I don't know if you were going for 'mine' instead or if you actually meant 'mind' as in brain or conscious.  If that's so, then I think 'is a mind' flows a lot better.

But that is just me :)

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