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The River Runs Deep

By , Farmington, NM
Everything was still. Silent.
I was trying to calm myself down. Everything inside of me was boiling, on the verge of spilling over. I was hearing something between screaming silence ringing in my ears.
I had just been made fun of. Over text. By my one and only guy friend.
I had asked if maybe his best friend liked me, and then I contradicted myself. He went off on me.

OF COURSE HE DOESN'T LIKE YOU.

WHY WOULD ANYONE GO OUT WITH YOU?

GO HANG OUT WITH YOUR LITTLE NERD FRIENDS.

I said every word aloud, and felt the pain like a blade, opening a crevice in my heart. That crevice spread, and my heart stopped, and a river of lies, and insults, and hurt flowed. And everything I had ever hoped was a lie.
Was this my friend?
This boy, who had just confirmed my worst fears?
No, said The River.
The River in my heart told me that I hated him. That river ran deep, and it was full of hate.
But, also, deep down, it was full of sadness. At the very bottom, if you traveled deep, there was tired. There lay a girl who wanted to love, but was not being loved back. She was being kicked down.
In fact, this girl had been kicked so many times, that she had drowned in her river.

She has to wake up. Swim to the top. Remember to push through.

People like to hurt others. It gives them confidence, gives them control. If that's what they want, then give it to them. But don't take the blows. Or you'll drown. Don't fight back either. Or you'll drown.

I know it's hard. Because I drowned. For a while. But if you look up, there is a blue sky. And the world is so small. And you are so small. And your problems...are nothing. Gone. You just have to think about it. If they want you to hurt, then why would you ever listen? Because they have probably been hurt plenty, and they want to drag you down with them.

Don't kick them back, but don't let them beat you up either. Help them up. Help them swim. Don't let them drown, too. You know what it feels like to drown. But no one deserves to have that happen. Not even the cowards, or the bullies.

Because The River may be wide,
and no one may cross,
or it may be a stream,
that you may step over.
But no matter,
if the length is small,
or tiny,
or big,
or huge...
because The River Runs Deep,
and it will try and take all.

But you can help conquer it.



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