What do you see when you look at me? Do you see a girl who is shorter but average? what if i tell you i dated a freshman in seventh grade? Has it changed your point of view yet? If it hasn't, why? Even people who have known me for years upon years points of views changed. I started to get bullied by the people i thought were my closest friends. For the most part it didn't bother me, until one of my friends Jenna called me a slut. It hurt. A lot. and I was glad that after this day was over so could go see my boyfriend at the time. I walked up the stairs at the school and walked into drama club like nothing was wrong but inside I was dying. How could she say that? She knew everything about me. She even defended me against heather when she would talk about me behind my back. So why was she saying this about me. So as i walked in Jenna stopped me and was like is everything okay and being the sad sap I was that day i walked past her, sat next to Ken, layer my head in his lap, and cried. I cried my eyes out. One of our friends actually shouted "Hey guys stop the shenanigans." Well lets just say the teacher in charge of the drama club said " Okay you two break it up. we have a play to work on." Well, Ken told Mr.M that I was crying and Mr.M said to bring me outside, down the stairs and to talk to me. so that what he did. and I sat and cried and talked and cried some more for about 20 to 30 minutes. It was terrible. I remember feeling like there was no need to date him anymore if one people were going to spread visious rumors about me and two I just didn't like him anymore. he was nice and all but was cold. So I go to school the next day and I'm waiting to go to homeroom when my religion teacher Mrs.Shay-Shay stopped me and said " look I know what they are saying is getting to you. do you think you are a slut?" thats when I told her no and she told me she didn't think I was either. That I need to hold my head high and keep walking straight because people talk and if its not true don't worry, and if it is try to change for the better. Know how you want to live. I will never forget these words because they were the turning point for me. I realized that what they were saying wasn't true. So a few weeks passed and it was the night of the drama play. I was super nervous and I needed support. Someone to tell me I would be fine out there. And who do I go to, Ken, who else. I can't really remember what he did but I was so angry at him that I couldn't stand to be around him so I told him leave me alone and that was that. About a week and a half later i broke up with him. News spread and well everyone stopped talking about me. They stopped hating and spreading rumors. but what they had said had changed my mind forever. I now hate my body, I have to worry about what I say around who I talk to, and worse of it all is I hate myself. Now not as much as I did then but I'm still in progress. The whole purpose of this was to share my story and to say that words will always affect the way a woman sees herself. She will never forget that one day you were in a bad mood and said that your a female dog pretty much. That will stay in her mind forever. I just think that after all of this happened I have learned that no one can push me around anymore. I was born to resist, not to be abused. So if someone is bullying you, just know. It ends, and life goes on. Just please don't give up. I was there before. I lightly burned and cut myself. I have tried suicide. Its stupid way out. I realized I had so many dreams in life that would only happen if I kept fighting. So please, do not give up. You are worth everything.
June 15, 2013