To my family, | Teen Ink

To my family,

April 2, 2013
By Lisas.Smile GOLD, London, Other
Lisas.Smile GOLD, London, Other
15 articles 57 photos 21 comments

Favorite Quote:
“You've gotta dance like there's nobody watching,
Love like you'll never be hurt,
Sing like there's nobody listening,
And live like it's heaven on earth.”
― William W. Purkey

I also like this quote by Gnarls Barkley:
"You are the best. You are the worst. You are average. Your love is a part of you. You try to give it away because you cannot bear its radiance, but you cannot separate it from yourself. To understand your fellow humans, you must understand why you give them your love. You must realize that hate is but a crime-ridden subdivision of love. You must reclaim what you never lost. You must take leave of your sanity, and yet be fully responsible for your actions." -Gnarls Barkley, in a letter to the legendary rock critic Lester Bangs

I’m sorry, sorry for everything I’m putting you through. I know you weren’t expecting this. I guess you thought I was alright. I‘m not alright, I’m nowhere near it. I don’t think I ever was.
Every day’s the same. I wake up at the same time. Eat the same breakfast. Walk the same route to school. Dodge glares on the way to homeroom. I shimmy through the corridors in between periods: head down clutching books I don’t even needed like a sheet of aluminium deflecting the whispers.
And at lunch, I sit by myself on my own little table, dropping my food on the floor for the rats. I don’t deserve food. The same thing happened the days before, and after. My so called ‘friends’ don’t want to be seen with me, it’s bad for their “reputations”, they told me themselves.
When I get home, I cut. I can control the razor. How deep it pierces my flesh. How much blood oozes from my skin. The pain. I guess it’s kind of like an addiction. An addiction to the realise of tensions building up inside. And after a while, it became part of ‘the routine’.
Today when I woke up, I don’t see the point of getting up, in living anymore; it’s never getting better than this. I told you I was sick, I had a flue, a stomach ace. That was a lie. I waited till you were all gone, to work and school. After mum looked the door, I slipped out of bed. Found the pen and paper to write this letter to my family. I know how I’ll do it, with my razor.
I want you to know It’s not your fault, none of this was.
I’m sorry, Mia

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