I am Okay

May 24, 2012
I am okay… and that would me lying to you. That is where it started. I defiantly am not a person you would ever think to be bullied, but being me, I seemed to be the one that was.
Now, I wasn’t one of those people that got bullied physically, I had the other half… mentally. For me, it was when I moved to Texas, going from private to public school, friends to no friends. Me? The moment I entered my first week of middle school I wanted to leave and never come back. No one there wanted me and they showed it by making fun of me, even laughing when I walked by. My math teacher even laughed at me, when I told her I didn’t understand anything she was teaching. She thought I was kidding and proceeded to call me to answer questions I couldn’t answer, the whole class laughed at me.
It’s defiantly not the hardcore bullying, but trust me when I say that I know what you are felling. My soccer team in sixth grade didn’t want me; neither did my seventh grade basketball team. Funny thing is, is that they were the same situations. For basketball we had to do a drill; we were partnered passing the ball back and forth across the court… I was last to go because we had an uneven amount of people. The coach asked if someone would come down and pass with me, no one came. Not one of them moved an inch, all you heard was silence. All I wanted to do was disappear and cry because everyone starred at me. Just like when I was in soccer the year before, we were practicing drills and they did that look… With. That. Same. Stare.
Do you know that stare? No?
Let me tell you. It’s a stare that is telling you ‘why the heck are you here when we already have the people we need, you are not our friend, you are just a nuisance that no one wants here, you freak.’
Nobody said anything to me, they didn’t have to, it’s just a stare that if looks could kill, I would be ten feet under. Cold looks with nothing in them, no emotion, just anger towards me because they had to be the one that comes down to help the worthless being … me.
I stopped playing soccer that year and when I tried out for basketball team in 8th grade… I made myself not make the team, just so I wouldn’t have to deal with it anymore. I cried myself to sleep for a week.
In high school I finally stopped everything. I couldn’t take the bullying, I stopped caring and I put my foot down… a friend of mine committed suicide to stop her bullying. I didn’t even know she was being bullied, she looked happy.
Like how I was when I was bullied, but I was faking those smiles. Like how she was too.

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