What Nobody Knows

May 24, 2012
By christinadragon12 BRONZE, The Woodlands, Texas
christinadragon12 BRONZE, The Woodlands, Texas
1 article 0 photos 0 comments

She cries in the bathroom
Over those looks;
Those words that can’t be unsaid
That drum in her head with every breath she takes.
“Worthless.”
But maybe they’re not lying,
She thinks
Because.of.them.

She worships food.
Counting and counting,
The less she eats the emptier she feels.
But more means guilt upon guilt and hate and tears and pounds and pounds of regret
And wanting to go back 20 pounds.
And why does she feel this way –
Like she wants to starve until she’s invisible because then maybe the pain in her heart will disappear too?
All of this
Because.of.him.

She dwells on her best friend’s betrayal –
Hurt by the one she had let past her web of lies.
Whispering over reruns became
Cold stares
Like daggers of fire and ice (the pains of both all rolled together)
Sure to start the tears flowing again until they can’t be stopped.
A piece of her heart killed that she didn’t know was still beating
After all this time.
Maybe learning that she never really cared at all hurt the most.
Silent sobs in the dark of night
Because.of.her.

If she wasn’t perfect enough for them,
Or skinny enough for him,
Or normal enough for her,
Will she be good enough for anyone?

For herself?


The author's comments:
Bullying is a very widespread issue in America today. While our society is beginning to come to terms with the seriousness of the problem, it still promotes several misconceptions. In my opinion, the most serious oversight with regards to bullying is the false idea that all bullying is physical and blatantly obvious to outsiders. In the realm of bullying, these “traditional” bullies are merely the tip of the iceberg, with a large, hidden portion lying beneath the surface, largely unknown and incredibly misunderstood. Bullies aren’t just the boys who beat up kids for their lunch money or play dirty at recess. Ironically, they can often be the people teenagers turn to when they are their most vulnerable – best friends who gossip behind their backs, classmates who criticize their appearance, teachers who demean their intelligence, or parents who demand perfection. These bullies can be so stealthy that the degradation of their victim’s self-worth is utterly imperceptible. Sometimes, they don’t even have to speak. This secret, subtle bullying is the subject of the following autobiographical poem, entitled “What Nobody Knows.”

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