To be in love, or to think you are, comes with a rollercoaster of emotions. The only thing stronger than the feeling of love, is that of heartbreak. In my seventeen years of life, I’m grateful to have only experienced this once, although I know there will be more in the future. However, I would consider heartbreak to be both a blessing and a curse.
My story goes as follows - best friends for three years, together for eight months, dumped because he “fell out of love.” The best part? It was via text message.
I remember the way it felt to read that message, the way I fell to the floor. The room starting spinning and I remember crying so hard I was choking for air. My friends ripping the phone out of my hands, reading it for themselves. I remember it all so vividly. I was upset and angry but above all, I was confused. I didn’t understand how he could throw everything away - all the memories we shared, all the plans we had made, it was like it never meant a thing. It was almost as if I was in a state of shock, and I just remember repeating things like “What are you saying,” and “So this is it?” But it was. That was it. In an instant, everything was over.
I was a mess. Every little thing that went wrong set me off - dropping a bowl on the floor, not finding the shirt I wanted to wear, everything. My friends were my rock, they knew how much I was hurting, no matter how hard I tried to keep it in. They sat and held me while I cried, telling me he wasn’t worth the tears I was shedding. Of course at the time I didn’t listen, I was too broken to do anything other than replay that godforsaken conversation in my head. That’s what I did for days - wake up, cry, reread every message we had exchanged, sleep, repeat. I racked my brain trying to come up with ways to start another conversation with him. I tried to figure out how I messed up, and where things went so wrong. I was driving myself crazy, I knew that then and I know it now. That constant state of sadness did nothing but amplify the heartache. I didn’t want to do anything, nothing felt the same as it did before. I realize now that I was probably being over-dramatic, but at the time that was how I felt. I didn’t want to hang out with my friends, didn’t want to play sports, hell, I didn’t even want to eat. I was perfectly content with drowning myself in self-pity. I was so tired of putting on a fake smile every time I left the house. It was killing me to pretend everything was fine. So, I stopped pretending.
I decided to make a change. This was not for anyone else, but for myself. I needed to move on with my life, and find joy in things again. I decided to be happy. Honestly, it was a hard decision. I was constantly checking social media to see what he was doing, to see if he still had our pictures on his page, to see if he missed me. When it dawned on me that he was living his life, I knew I had to do the same. It was the best decision I’ve made in a long while. I’m happier than ever. I’ve been spending more times with my friends, smiling more often, making more friends, and learning to love myself. I found that while in the relationship, I was often holding myself back, and putting him before myself. I don’t have to do that anymore. I can do everything I want to do, with my friends supporting me. I feel like a new person.
That’s the blessing part of this emotion we call heartbreak. It’s a rebirth, a time to discover a new you. So, if you are in, or ever find yourself to be in an encounter with heartbreak, please, remember this - it gets better. It may seem like the end, but there are so many wonderful things in the world that you can’t enjoy by sitting in your room and moping. Trust me. It hurts like hell, but you come out of it better than ever. You have to make the decision for yourself.
Please, decide to be happy.