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Do I Stand Alone With My Remorse?

Tell me, do you want me like I want you? Do you need me like I need you? Will you forsake me like everyone else, or will you stand by my side when the world comes crashing down around us?

I know I f***ed up. I know I betrayed you. It brings tears to my eyes when I think of the pain that I caused you. I dug a furrow into my own heart when I punctured yours. I just feel remorse. Regret attempts to swallow me, even when I know that there's nothing I can do. I broke down the walls that you put up to keep me in, and now it feels like you're going to push me out and raise it back up brick by brick. I threw the trust that you gave me away when I should have believed you against everyone. I f***ed up. What else can I say besides, "I'm sorry?" And no, I hold no illusions that an apology will fix anything. Just... I can't... I can't say it enough to show you how much I mean it.

Now you stand by him again, and go when I need you. When it should've been so obvious that I needed you. When you should've protested against my empty words to push you towards him when he simply wanted you. Now I wonder if I mean as much to you as you said I did before. And I wonder if you're thinking the same.

Well, I can swear on my own pitiful life that you mean the world to me. I didn't stop to think before. I should have. I should never have doubted you. Making mistakes is the trademark of the human psyche, and I adhered to that stereotype admirably. Now I contemplate on this question, "Will you move on with me, or will I move on by myself?" Please let it be the former option. I'm tired of feeling so alone, so detached from everyone. You could change that so easily. Hell, you did without even meaning to before. Imagine what you could do if you simply tried. Just the thought of being in the same room with you speeds up my pulse dangerously. The thought of feeling your skin against mine sends it spiraling towards ecstasy. My lips against yours would nearly kill me, but I'd be willing to risk the effects if you would just tell me that you love me more than anything. But, I don't know if that's possible. I don't know anymore. You said you needed to stay where you are, and you seem so happy with your place by his side. Maybe I was a fool to think that you'd extricate yourself to mine.

Just do what makes you happy. I'll move on against my own desires. They've never had much of a hold on me anyways. Just tell me, tell me if you want to be with me. Tell me if you love me like I love you. Tell me if you'd sacrifice your life for mine like I would for yours. Tell me if you want to send those waves of light crashing over my eyes. Tell me if you want to repair the damage that we've caused. I'll tell you that I want all of that. I'll tell you that I want you to stand by me. I want to be your lover. I want to be your one and only. I want to hold your heart in my hands like it's just a moving figurine of the thinnest glass. Tell me what you truly want from me. Just tell me, and don't hold back.





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