Life Struggles: Stepping Stones To Happiness

September 29, 2011
By , austin, MN
Many people struggle throughout their life. Unfortunately, I’m one of those people. Growing up in a bad neighborhood, I’m not sure where it all began.

My parents divorced when I was twelve years old. I didn’t think about it when they told me, it didn’t even hit me. I had come home from a long fun, hot day at the fair. I was in a great mood. My parents sat my sister and I down in the living room, explaining to us what was going to happen. It all took ten minutes. “In one year we will be back together”. Those words stuck in my head, I was confident they would be back together. It never happened. It really hit me when my dad and mom found significant others a short time afterwards, people they had already been talking to for quite some time. I stayed with my mom, and sister moving out of our two- story home into a small one floor 3-bedroom home. It was a big change. Going from where I grew up to a new neighborhood, new home, and getting to know a different man other than my father. I enjoyed going to visit my father and his significant other, until after months of moving house to house in town my dad moved out of town, and my sister went with him. I felt so abandoned. My mom had to work a lot, so my grandparents took over helping to transition me from childhood to being a teenager. It was hard; because a lot of things a teenager go through I had to deal with on my own.

Finally I just went on to seventh grade as my happy go lucky self. I continued seeing friends and being involved in activities. As the year went on it got harder and harder. I was feeling very sad and angry. At times I was so overwhelmed from school I would go up to my locker and just kick or punch it. At times I would break a mirror. I didn’t understand my feelings. My grades went downhill and I started skipping school. I didn’t want to be with any of my friends, and my happy go lucky image turned to anger. I resulted in finding closure in self-infliction, and horrid poetry. I couldn’t figure out who I was and where I belonged. I wanted my family back; I wanted to be smarter, skinnier, and prettier. I felt like a failure. I knew I had severe depression, I just didn’t know what to do about it besides what I was doing. Friends were very concerned about me, but I didn’t bother to listen. I seemed to keep to myself. Nothing made sense anymore. I knew I needed to finish middle school, and make it to high school.

My severe depression went on for two years, when finally in freshman year when I was fifteen it got to be too much. I overdosed on pills. Thankfully, my body threw them up right away, not being able to handle it. I was put in treatment over five different times before I could get a handle on myself. I saw myself as a monster. Rumors would be spread at school and kids would say how I’m in a wacky hut or crazy bin, hurtful things that made me feel like I was crazy. My friends seemed to see me as a problem more than having a diagnosis that takes time to get over. I lost most of my friends through this. They did not want to deal with it. As time went on and I got more and more help, I saw my old friends going through the same things with severe depression, anger, and bi polar I was here for them. There is no reason I should sink down to their level and leave them in their time of need.

A year went by and I had been going to online school. It was working out well for me. I was a sophomore, sixteen years old. Halfway through the year I started feeling very sick. I felt bad pains in my stomach and I was constantly thirsty. I went to the emergency room to find out I had pancreatitis, inflammation of the pancreas. I was put into Austin Medical Center until it calmed down. A week after I was discharged, it came back, and came back bad. I was transferred to a different hospital where I received a stint put into my bile duct which was causing the pancreatitis. My liver count was down, doctors thinking I had developed hepatitis. I had also developed diabetes. They watched my liver count and worked on getting my sugars under control. I was in the most excruciating pain I had ever been in after the procedure, being they upset my pancreas more in order to get the stint put into my bile duct. I remember being in the hospital that night, in pain, liver count down, and sugars up high, I folded my hands and prayed for everyone else. It took six months outside of the hospital after my procedure to get everything put back together and my diabetes completely controlled. Thankfully, my diabetes is very controlled now.

The next few years came easier, with downfalls due to depression and dealing with that. It was a hard struggle and didn’t help when fights arose between family and friends, I would either get very angry or burst out in tears and screaming because I did not want to handle anymore hurt in my life.

Before finishing my senior year of high school I became ill in April. During work I would have pains all across my right side, and through my shoulder blades, one point leaving work to go to the emergency room. I felt very sick. An abdominal scan they said showed nothing so I was sent home rudely. The next morning I received two calls while asleep at my Grandmothers that I needed to get in right away for emergency surgery on my appendix. Why they hadn’t seen it the night before is beyond me. I went in got set up and even though scared I went through with it to save my life, being if they were to burst it could kill me. It was just an overnight stay, but left me with a lot of constipation and digestive problems. Too much trauma on the body.

That following summer I went through many emergency room visits, cat scans, x-rays, exploratory surgeries, and pills. My abdominal was having much pain and burning. My stomach was inflamed. I had IBS spasms of the colon depending n what you eat. Today it is controlled although dealing with stomach tenderness 24/7. The summer before my extended senior year of high school in which I was going to enroll in high school I became ill. I developed bad pains in my abdominal area again. After many emergency room visits, cat scans, x-rays, exploratory surgeries, and pills, they found the problem to be IBS, spasms of the colon it is a stress disorder. There are certain foods I can eat and certain foods I can’t. I had to just eat and find out what caused the spasms and discomfort. Most of the summer I was laying low, dealing with stomach inflammation, learning how to deal with the spasms, and getting on the right medication. Now it is under control, but I still suffer from constant tenderness in my stomach and a sick feeling that tends to linger. I push myself through school and learn to get through it the best way I can.

Shortly before my extended senior year of high school I had my back going out every month, and constant problems with it and my shoulders. I finally got put on insurance and went to the chiropractor. The first one did not help, and then I went to another one who did x-rays. I found out I had L5 disk degeneration and L5 arthritis in my spine, and my muscles were weak in my back. I have learned to strengthen them through physical therapy and icing every night helps. Although when I get overworked, the pain throughout my back and shoulders gets to be too much. After dealing with this on and off during my first few weeks of school I experienced and still currently are experiencing high anxiety to where it makes my body sick, I constantly have my nerves going everywhere. It frustrates me greatly, and I look forward to continuing help with this problem so I can give my best performance in school and be on my A game.

Life is a constant struggle, and I refuse to let mine stop me from pursuing my dreams. My dreams are to be an English Teacher and I have already taken those steps to be accepted to Waldorf College in Forest City, Iowa. I have to pass an ACT test and then things should be rolling from there. I hope that my hard work determination and will power are going to pay off for me. I ask for the help to let my dreams come true. Everyone needs help from others at times and this is one of those times. Teachers have gotten me through the roughest times in my life and are sometimes the only people I turn to. Especially this Senior Year. I want to be a teacher that changes lives and puts smiles on faces of children and teens whose lives will be full of good choices and outstanding careers.





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Motunde S. said...
Jan. 27, 2014 at 12:28 pm
Beautiful article, inspiring , motivating and can relate to.
 
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