"Am I psychotic?" This is one of the many questions that runs through your head, when you are in a mental hospital. I think psychiatric hospitals have gotten a bad rep. When I first got there, I thought it was going to be like a horrible 80's movie. Girls who could use a hairbrush, screaming, and bed gowns, not clothes. When you first get there you wonder what you did wrong. Why am I here with all these crazy people? Am I crazy? No, you aren't crazy,and neither are all those other kids. They just have problems that they have to learn how to deal with. Every day it's the same routine, I am so lucky I was only there for a week. The never ending routine itself, is enough to make someone go crazy. By the time I went to sleep there would be a pile of tissues beside my bed. One for being scared, one for feeling alone, one for anger, one for everything terrible in my life. Just piled up, sitting there. You think you're done crying, but I promise you, you aren't. You'll cry some more,and than again, you'll cry out all the impurities and all bad things. Not everything about the hospital was bad though. You'll definitely remember it for the rest of your life. Your time there will make you think, a lot. You will think about why you are there, how much you want to leave, and how awful it is, but remember this: you are not crazy. By the way, you aren't alone either. There are other teens with you, going through the same thing,and you have your family. You have the knowledge that they put you there, because they love you. You will learn a lot. You learn about life, love, people, yourself, the whole nine yards. I don't regret it. I consider my time in there to be a valuable chapter in the story of my life; in the story of me changing, and becoming a better person.
Am I psychotic?
January 12, 2011