Importance of Oration (Satire)

January 2, 2011
By Alex Juliano BRONZE, Exton, Pennsylvania
Alex Juliano BRONZE, Exton, Pennsylvania
2 articles 0 photos 0 comments

Welcome to the introduction of A Terse Reminder on the Importance of Oration, a compilation of significant techniques that expounds on the secrets of seasoned orators and expert speech writers. In this book you will uncover the wonderfully organized nuances of oration, whilst understanding how they benefit you. After finishing this enlightening guide, you will be ready and able to stand in front of large groups and aver your position and wow the crowd. Personally, I have used this speech bible to widen my knowledge of public speaking and reveal my inexcusable solecisms. Furthermore, my words have become erudite and sharp, which in turn propels my argument into another realm where those opposing cannot confute. Therefore, in this introduction I will briefly explain the three most crucial nuances of oration that are covered in this novel: Confidence, Stance and Diction.

Confidence - was it confidence that I listed first? Ah yes, it was. So, when speaking to the opposition, when orating to a hostile throng, when communicating with the bitter clamjamphine or snappish panjandrum it is of greatest importance to relay your message with confidence. Confidence can, or probably, will win you the day. It instills fear and uncertainty within the minds of those athwart while injecting increasing arrogance into your own mind allowing you to further aver with self-assurance. Basically, you can proclaim your fabrications to the malcontent and, obviously, leave them befuddled with a simple sleight of heart in order to prove points. Ah, we are almost there. The last point I would like to make in this paragraph is to remember to be terse. You can only achieve this when you achieve audio audacity with something like confidence.

Almost as important as confidence or it can be argued as important, or in hindsight more important, is stance. Stance is kind of a difficult thing to illustrate in writing. Therefore, I’ll basically describe it using words on paper, like paint on a canvas. Arms akimbo, hands clasped to hips, eyes like probing orbs, legs, uh, have them firm because you want to seem taut like your argument. Even more: quizzical lips, ripped thighs, receptive ears, deceptive eyebrows, reflective teeth, strong kneecaps, and you know, like your legs, a taut buttocks. All of the above will make an audience open to your message and they will, like, like when they like your message.

We have finally arrived at our last stop – the final way to beautify your speech. As pepper and salt make everything nice, diction can in all likelihood make your speech sassy, and maybe snappy. Diction is the words you choose when you speak. You know, people like it when you connect with them, when you make the speech seem real. Cheekily, you can toss some slang into your tasty salad of a speech. Use the jargon and localized vernacular of the region: if you are in the South use “y’all,” if you are in Canada use “eh?,” and in North Korea use, well, hopefully you won’t be in North Korea because Kim Jong Il won’t be pleased that you are peppering his peons with everything nice. Finally, another reason to use diction advantageously is when après-oration, even if you have not entered an elenchus, your simple words will leave a lasting effect on the audience hopefully bringing your dissertation into a, um, full circle. So there we are, the full circle; we have completed the crucial nuances of speech and like I said earlier these are the techniques of seasoned writers. I will now wrap up with a review of what you have learned.

Ab ovo, you start with cracking confidence, then the yolk of your speech is in your stance, and finally you cook your meal (argument) in the pot of diction and spice it with the inflection of your voice. Delicious isn’t it? Of course it is, for you made it. You are the chef of your own meal as you are the creator of your own destiny. Hold up. Wait, let me start over. You are the chef of your own meal as you are the creator of your own speech. Now doesn’t that sound lovely? Of course it does because I wrote it. Now off into the seas of speech where you can navigate masterfully and elegantly as you conquer opposing orators and impregnable arguments. But remember - be terse and faithful to your reasoning, for no one wants to hear the gobbledygook of a pretentious turkey. You know what I mean?

The author's comments:
For all who stumble in speech...

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