How To Be A New Yorker

Custom User Avatar
More by this author
How to be a New Yorker

If you are newly planted in NYC, I hope you will indulge in reading each succulent word in this mini-guide. The pages ahead are filled with personal insights and tidbits of essential information to help you appreciate the curious characteristics of the magical and at times outrageous city you have just embarked on. So sit back, let these pages ‘schmooze’ to you. Maybe get an egg cream and a knish and find a cozy spot. As they say on Broadway when the curtains go up… “Sit back and enjoy the show!”


1. Be open minded! Don’t ever underestimate the insane humor of the city.

2. Stand your ground. There will be plenty of rudeness coming your way. Take calculated risks; this is NYC after all and there are some crazy people.

3. Don’t try to dodge being packed together with people. It’s inevitable. Whether you’re on a train, in an elevator, or on the corner of a block it’s going to happen. I guarantee it.

4. Be prepared to deal with ignorant cab drivers. Most of the time they will do everything in their power to make the light. So you’ve got to make sure that you keep your eyes out for the tiny neon white ‘walking man’ sign! And when the time is right don’t be afraid to lash out, you have the right of way as a pedestrian!

5. When your first snow arrives, seize the moment to embrace the pure whiteness of it all… because in 24 hours the city will wear a soot face smile.

6. Accept the dirty circumstances. Pretty much everywhere you go filth will follow.

7. When that glorious snow starts to melt, go for the rain boots! Don’t look for your knight in shining armor to lay down his cloak over the castles of ash colored slush that are piled up on almost every corner. Or to give you a hand jumping over the various puddles of melted snow, that might very well be the cause of you getting a morning shower by a speeding cab driver. Instead, seize the opportunity to share a cab ride with a fellow New Yorker if you’re lucky enough to find a taxi in rush hour traffic. It could be a win-win situation, not only do you cut the cab fare in half but you could strike up some interesting dialogue and possibly have a future date...?

8. When a tourist asks you for directions you have one of two options: a) you can pretend to know exactly where they need to go and lie through your teeth. Or b) you can be perfectly honest and say “I don’t know.” But then be prepared to have their rath unleashed. For example…


Tourist: “Excuse me; do you know where the Horizon Restaurant is?”


Stranger: “Sorry, I don’t know.”


Tourist: “How long have you lived in New York City?”


Stranger: “For some time now.”


Tourist: “You’re the 3rd person to tell me this. Don’t you New Yorkers know where anything is?”





Post a Comment

Be the first to comment on this article!

bRealTime banner ad on the left side
Site Feedback