there’s something oddly romantic about watching t.v. in silence comfortably. and just sitting there staring at each other, silence without awkwardness and need of words, just wanting the others presence is calming and sexy. to tell the truth I feel like I had a chance at everything I ever wanted and it was shot outta’ my hands by nature. it was a millisecond of chance yet it was there and now more than ever do I realize how much he cared, so why did I have to push? now he doesn’t treat me the same and I realize even a ‘lil bit of those returned feelings was a huge difference I would give it all to go back and embrace him and never try to replace him. when I say I don’t like him anymore it’s not a lie, I don’t like him. he changed there’s a new him. I miss the old him, my him. and he’s gone. that’s the one I still like. and I can say with confidence I’m in love with. but that him is gone so now my love is meaningless and being wasted on nonexistence and out into a dream a memoir fed with what if’s and how it COULD have been. but it is not and nothing did EVER happen. so now I’m at a loss. I’m filled with a hurt that is there forever. he changed me, molded me to the way I am, and that’s ok. it makes me happy to know that a little piece of him lies inside of me and will forever be there. never will those summers be forgotten. never will his face fade from my mind. never will his words wear out, or mold into something it was not. I will remember the truth and nothing more. but is MY truth and so I do not know what went through his head, I’d give my life to know though. </3
the L word (love) !!
April 17, 2010