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The sound of the blade slicing through the victim's brings power to my mind and throughout my whole body making me feel stronger and stronger.
My name is Caroline. People may see me as a chill and low key kind of girl. But, they don’t know who I really am.
I walk through the halls and people will glance at me. I keep my head tucked into my phone minding my own business. My friend Stephanie walked up to me one day and starts to speak.
“Oh my god, Caroline. Did you hear about Duke and Leslie last night at that party?”
My head snapped up.
“No. What happened?”
“They started making out and he was all over her,” she said.
“Oh.” I said with sadness in my voice.
I used to date Duke for about a year and then about a week ago he broke things off for some reason. The day dragged on and all I could think about was Duke on Leslie. It’s the end of the day and I walk home since it’s only a 10 minute walk. Once I got home I sat down and started writing. I go and see a psychiatrist every Sunday to talk about my problems. There really isn’t a reasoning behind my horrendous thoughts. He told me I needed to write these feelings down because one day if I keep it all in, I might just go crazy. I hope this day never comes because my psychiatrist says that there’s no way to stop me until all my business is finished.
I finished my writing and my mom walked upstairs into my room to tell me that it was time to go see Doctor Brown. I put down my notebook and walked down the steps and out to the car. Away we went.
“So, Caroline, how’ve you been doing lately?” doctor Brown asks.
“I’ve been doing alright, the thoughts haven’t been as regular as usual.”
“That’s good. When was the last time you had one?”
“This afternoon,” I say.
“Can you explain to me what it was about?”
“Well,” I said.
“It was about me, doing bad things to this girl who did things with my ex-boyfriend I just broke up with last week after being together for a year.”
“I see,” he said.
“Caroline you must remember to write these thoughts down because eventually if you don’t and you hold it in, you could do bad things to people you love the most.”
“What do you mean do bad things to people I love the most?”
“What I mean is your head and thoughts are a very powerful place and can over take your body making you do what you think and do the things that you think to the person you're thinking about. But really you're holding in everything that has happened to you in the past and letting it get to you.”
“Oh, alright. Thank you.”
I got up and left the room traumatized. What if this happens to me and I actually hurt someone that I love? I can’t let this happen to me. I got in the car with my mom and we went home. Sat in complete silence the whole ride home. I went home and looked at my book and realized that I had so much more to write down than I ever did. I think to myself, if this does happen to me, what will be the thing to unleash it all? I came home and I walked into the door and there was my father, lying on the ground, not moving. I ran to him and knelt next to him in shock.
“Daddy,” I yelled.
“Mom come in here quick dad isn’t waking up.”
I heard footsteps come from upstairs and some from behind me.
“Call 9-1-1,” shouted my mother.
I raced for the phone and dialed the three numbers and the started talking to the person on the other end in a calm tone. Soon enough the ambulance showed up and started to give my dad CPR. My mom, my sister, and me all sat in our living room hugging each other while all we could hear was,
“Clear. Clear. Clear.”
Later the doctor came over and announced to us that our father was dead. My mom started bawling and so did my sister. I just sat there in shock and tear by tear came rolling down my cheek. A few weeks after this all happened my mom started drinking more and taking pain medication. School seemed to be the only place I could get away from my personal problems until I found out even bigger news than Leslie and Duke making out. My best friend, decided to sleep with him. In the back seat of his car at a dead end. I stormed home after I found out and just sat there on my bed and clench my fists together as hard as I could. I stood up and swept everything off my desk, breaking my lamp. I sat on the floor and leaned up against my bed. Snap. The tears dissolved and suddenly, I turned into some kind of monster. All these thoughts and feelings flooded into me. I slowly picked up my journal and read each name written down in it.
“Top five, top five, top five,” I kept repeating to myself.
My school counselor (Mr. Conrad)
My head snapped up and I thought to myself,
“Stephanie, your first.”
I got up and grabbed my backpack. I put a butcher knife along with a chef’s knife, a rope, zip ties, rubbing alcohol, duck tape, my dad's old shotgun, and matches. My mom was passed out on the couch with a bottle of vodka and a capsule of pills lying on the table next to her. I walked out the front door and started walking to Stephanie's house. It was about 11:30 at night and by the time I got there it was 11:45. I walked through her backyard where I could perfectly see into her room. Guess who was there. You guessed it, Duke. The two of them making out on her bed. The anger grew stronger inside me and the urge to kill grew with it.
“Looks like I get to get two done in one night,” I said in a soft whisper as a smirk appeared on my face.
I think of how I’m going to get one to come out. I remember she has a back patio so I tied the rope to one chair and pull it across their porch to another chair. I slowly walk back to the window and here they are now shirtless getting more into it. I tap on the window and they didn’t notice, so then I threw a pebble at it and their heads turned. Duke stood up and came over to look out the window, he didn’t see anyone so they went back to what they were doing. I became furious. I took the red lipstick I had in the side of my bag and started writing on the window.
“Come out to play,” I wrote.
I threw another rock and both heads turned once again. Except this time, their eyes were glued to the window. I could see them talking back and forth with each other debating on whether or not they should come look outside to see who it is. I peered back in through the window and Duke was putting his shirt back on and started walking out her door. I heard their sliding door open and a footstep onto the porch. He closed the door behind them and took a couple more steps which is where his foot met the rope and he went flying forward.
“Damnit,” he yelled.
He looked back to see the rope then shot a look forward. My shadow was outlined by the outside light. Duke just laid their. Staring at me with fright, which only brought me happiness. I took a step forward and showed my face yet, it wasn’t my face. You didn’t think I’d really go around murdering people without a cover up would you. I put on a mask that was another persons face yet it wasn’t mine. Duke shot up and bolted towards the door but he didn’t run fast enough. I pulled out the chef’s knife and threw it perfectly between his shoulder blades. He fell to the ground immediately.
“Poor Duke, you should’ve ran faster,” I taunted at him.
“What do you want?” he said with pain in his voice.
“I want you dead, that's what I want.”
His eyes grew large and he was mute for a moment.
“Who, who are you?” he said choking on his words.
“I’m your worst nightmare.”
I yanked the knife out of his back and he shrieked. I turned around to see Stephanie's pool. I took his wrists and feet to make a slit so the blood would start to flow out. I dragged him over to her pool and threw him in. He couldn’t move because of the stab wound in his back. I took the knife and placed it in the water to wash it off. I saw Duke twitch and I turned around. The door was still unlocked which meant Stephanie, you're up. I went to open the door when I saw lighter fluid next to their grill. I picked it up and made my way into her house. I walked down their hallway and her door was on the left. I slowly pushed open and there she was sitting on her bed rocking back and forth. Her head snapped around and fear appeared on her face.
“Who the hell are you,” she demanded.
“Well, Stephanie, if I told you, you wouldn’t be happy.”
“What do you mean wouldn’t be happy?”
“Well you would feel like you just got stabbed in the back like Duke just did but you know what, you already stabbed me in the back so sucks to be you.”
I lifted the lighter fluid and sprayed it all around her room. I lit the match and threw it and the room slowly went up in flames. I lit door knob on fire too so she wouldn’t be able to get out.
“Next time Stephanie, don’t make out with your best friends ex boyfriend a week after they broke up.”
Her eyes widened and I walked away slowly. That only means two down and three to go. As I was leaving I heard police sirens outside the house. I ran to the back door but there were police officers surrounding the whole house. Someone must’ve seen me sneak in their backyard and called the cops. I slowly slid the sliding door open and raised my hands to my head and they all started running towards me. They yanked my hands down and put me in handcuffs. They started to escort me towards the police car when I saw Stephanie and Duke’s parents. A grin appeared on my face and I started to speak.
“You wanna find the other kid look in the pool.”
The police officer pulled me closer and shoved me into the police car. Out came Duke on one gurnee and what was left of stephanie on the other. We slowly drove off and I knew I was headed straight for juvie.
I’ve been sitting in this jail cell for about 4 months now and I may have gotten a visit from my mom twice and my sister once. I’ve been thinking of all the ways to break out but I just can’t figure anything out. I must finish what I have started. They take me over to the mental hospital 3 days a week. Monday, Wednesday, and Fridays. I met a boy there and his name is Jace. He has anger management like no other. Me and him have both been discussing how to break out but nothing. Unless… An idea pops into my head I think it just might work. Our next group talk was in 20 minutes and I needed to get there early so I could take care of business with the lady that ran it while nobody else was around. I walked in and there was the instructor.
“Hello Mrs. J,” I said in a sweet innocent voice.
“Oh, hello there Caroline. What are you doing here so early.”
“I needed to talk about something with you.”
“Alrighty what do you need to talk about?” she asked.
“Well,” I said.
I walked up behind her while she was looking down at her papers and did a quick snapping motion with her neck and down she went. I dragged her to a closet and stripped her nursing clothes off of her and switched it for mine. I started walking out the door and down to the exit.
“Goodbye ladies,” I called to the women sitting at the front desk.
“Goodbye,” they called back without even looking up from their desk.
Out the front doors I went and was on my way to finish what I started.
I walked back to my home and there she was. My mother passed out on the couch once again. I walked upstairs to my room grabbed my grey zip up sweatshirt and my black sweatpants, I grabbed my backpack and left again. Next up was Leslie. I started walking to school and sat on a park bench waiting for her to walk the usual path she always does. I saw a group of kids start walking and five minutes later there she was. Walking alone like she did everyday. Her face deep in her phone. I started to walk behind her then I went for it. I took the duck tape and wrapped it over her mouth and dragged her into the woods. I tied her hands up in zip ties along with her legs. She looked up at me and her eyes filled with fear like the others. A part of me knew what I was doing was wrong but I couldn't help myself.
“Hello slut, remember me? I'm Dukes ex girlfriend, you know me right? But then again u made out with him shortly after we broke up too. Isn't that right?”
She shook her head no and I kicked her in the ribs.
“You know, I'm gonna have a little fun with you,” I said.
I took the rope out of my bag and found the lowest branch and started to tie. The good thing about Leslie was that she only weighed about 100 pounds so it made my life easier. I dragged her over to the rope and put her head through the hole. Then, I started to pull. I pulled till her feet we at least 5 feet off the ground and then I tied the rest to the bottom of the another tree trunk. I slowly started walking and didn't pick up the pace till I heard the squirming go away. Within 2 minutes the forest was once again dead silent.
The angry voice inside my head started to get louder and louder telling me what to do next. Deep down I didn’t want to do any of this and it was wrong, but the feeling of power and strength has gotten the best of me.
I see that I haven’t used either the gun or the rubbing alcohol. This last part should be very fun.
I started walking to the shooting range since I haven’t shotton a gun in about two years. I take out my dad's shot gun and the rest of the guys in their just look at me oddly. I see a 9mm hand gun sitting on the table behind the rest of everyone, so, I went and took it. The shotgun was a little too big for my bag and I’m honestly surprised nobody has seen it yet. I fire about five rounds out of the shotgun and see I still have my touch. Five perfect shots between the targets head and the middle of its torso. Next up was the handgun. I lifted it up and closed my left I. Started right through the pin and fired 6 round. Every bullet perfectly hitting the head. Looks like I figured out which one I was using. I left the shotgun on the back table and put the handgun into my bag and I walked out.
The school day was almost over and I waited in the back parking lot where Mr. Conrad would come out. He usually is one of the last teachers to leave. I stole a silencer from the shooting range too so nobody could hear the shot when I pulled the trigger.
I saw the top of his brown curly hair and around the corner he came. My eye came in sight and I pulled the trigger. A small bang went off and I hit him right where I wanted to. In the leg. Down he went. He lyed there on the ground and I stood up and started walking towards him.
“Why hello Mr. Conrad!” I said with excitement.
“Caroline?” he said with confusion.
“Yep, it’s me.”
“You must get out of here, there’s someone with a gun.”
“Man aren’t you just a dumbass.”
I pulled the gun out of the back of my pants. His eyes filled with terror and he started to scream help. Bang. I shot another in his other leg.
“That’s not a good idea Mr. Conrad.”
“What do you want from me? And why are you doing this?” he asked with such anger.
“Well, you are my counselor, and when I came to you about everything you kind of blew it off like it was no big deal. But hey, if it weren’t for you I don’t think I’d be in this state of mind so thank you for giving me all this strength and power. You got a few people killed.”
His face stood frozen.
“I, I didn’t kill anyone,” he said.
“Oh but you did. You're the reason why their dead. I wouldn’t be like this if you would’ve just helped me.”
“I’m sorry, I thought you just needed to grieve.” he said.
I held the gun up to eye level and looked down on him when I heard someone say my name. I turned around and couldn’t believe my eyes.
“Dad?” I said as tears welded up in my eyes.
“What are you doing?” he asked.
“Daddy,” seemed to be the only words to come out.
I dropped the gun and started walking towards him and he did the same. I gave him a hug and started to cry. Every feeling of anger and pain seemed to have left my body. We slouched to the ground and sat there for a good 20 seconds just hugging. He pushed me away and started to speak.
“What happened to my little girl?”
“I, I don’t know.” I said with a depressed face.
“You need to find your hope and strength deep down and figure out away to fight through this all.”
“It’s hard daddy. You died and then mom and everyone at school it’s just hard.”
“ I know it is honey, that why you have to fight extra hard to be the best person you can be.”
Before I could get another word out, the cops surrounded me and stood me up. They walked me over to the cop car and shoved me in. I looked up and saw my dad. A police officer walked passed and blocked the view of my dad. But when he got out of the way he was gone. It was all in my head. I did it all on my own. Maybe there is hope deep down inside me somewhere, I just needed to find the strength to believe that there was good in me.