the Haunted Mantion

March 17, 2009
By soccerjosh46 BRONZE, Birdsbro, Pennsylvania
soccerjosh46 BRONZE, Birdsbro, Pennsylvania
2 articles 0 photos 0 comments

One day i was with my friend and we were playing and game it is used with teniss rackets and you see how high you can hit it and i was the highest. we went back indie and i say a note from my mom this is what is said," Boys i have went over to the new naubhors house to give them a welcoming treat." Both me and my friend were saying why does she have to be so kind now we had ot stay insid e the whole time until she got back and that is not fun at all. I was starting to get woried because my mom still hasent come home for about three hours now. i went overe to the naubhors house it was quite scary. went in the house and there was this reaky smell. it almost smelled like dead bodies. i went up the stairs. the stairs creeked like and dog growling at you. so i went into the bed room still no one. i looked in ther closet and BOOM there ws my mom there laying on the ground and my heart skiped a beat. that day i will never in my life forget.

The author's comments:
Remember this is just fiction this didnt happen in real life but it could posably happen!!!

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This article has 1 comment.

LastChapter said...
on Jul. 13 2010 at 1:19 pm
LastChapter, Hempstead, New York
0 articles 0 photos 215 comments

Favorite Quote:
(couldn't think of anything better at the time) "Take the first step in faith. You don't have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step."-Dr.Martin Luther King Jr.

uuuh, you spelled your title wrong. i think its "mansion". but aside from that, I think the writing was very choppy, and I became instantly confused. I'm sure with a little revising (and a dictionary) your second draft will be much better.

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