I can't do this anymore, here I thought I could start fresh, -- I could get away from it all, but I couldn’t. It decided to follow me here, then everyone even has the nerve to lie to me! Wouldn’t it be easier too simply tell me the truth? To tell me that this was all just a plan to get to me. Sure half of them were trying to protect me, but that doesn’t give them the right to decide to do what is best for me. I know what is best for me, not them! I heard them all calling me, I looked back and just started running. I don’t know from what, but it seemed like I couldn’t get away. I kept running and what seemed like 15 minutes I sat myself down, leaned my back against it and cried. Usually, you feel one small tear and then break down, tears leaving you like a waterfall. But not this time. It was as if a dam broke with a sudden force, releasing all of the water that it has been trying to hold back for years. I couldn’t hold back the tears, and I knew they weren’t stopping anytime soon.
Why did they assume they knew that I wanted to be with them then going back home? Sure some unspeakable things have happened there, but it is still my home, it is still where my friends are, where my life is. How I could just walk out at 3 a.m. to the swings 5 blocks away, pouring my heart out to my other half, watching the stars twinkle high above us, then bursting out laughing. It has been months, and I miss them more and more every second; each memory floating farther and farther away until it burst to nothing but a stain to my memory.
Why can’t I just go back? What’s stopping me?!
I never asked for this! I just wanted to be a simple girl, who led a simple life but life couldn’t be that simple. It just had to pick at every single piece of me, making it shatter into a thousand pieces, still not being satisfied with the way it turned out and just throwing it into the “forget about it pile”.
I wish back then it was me, not him, not my precious little brother. It is my fault that he’s gone, it is my fault that everyone left me. I should have dropped my case and picked him up. He had tiny legs, he couldn’t outrun them if his life depended on… which it did. I still regret it every single morning, yet I know I was stuck in this messed up universe with no escape.
I needed to walk, get all these jitters out of my system. I got up and headed in the opposite direction I came from, getting farther and farther away from everyone that has ever hurt me. Get away from the person who lied to me about who they were, get away from the people who didn’t tell me they knew the truth I was looking for, to get away from my own family who decided to leave me out of nowhere. I just needed to get away from it all. Getting lost in my thoughts I realize everything around me has been getting darker. I decided to look up to see how much sunlight is left, that is when I see something, I swear I’ve seen it before. I walk towards it and I hide behind a tree to be safe. As I turned I saw the face so much clearer, those bright blue eyes, that medium length hair that was always a mess, the shirt that became crimson red through all the suffering.
But how? I thought no one was out here or that anyone could have survived the massacre back then. But I knew that face, I could never forget the face of my own brother.