A misty meaningless night crawling with echoing breaths of the resting souls. Silence creeping louder and louder in her mind. As she walked with nothing but shadows by her side. Blinded by darkness, guided by the hope of finding light. Every step she took felt as if she was stepping of the edge of a cliff, with the wind running her hair in a frenzy, the blood cold in her veins, her mind outside her brain, and her essence outside her body. As if trapped in a dream where you can see yourself dying but your body is trapped in this nightmare where you have absolutely no control. You scream at yourself knowing that all you have to do is open your eyes to end the ending of your life, but no response. You're watching yourself die and you have no power. So with every step she took she fell further into the night. With every groundless step she fell from that cliff again and again. The first time she stepped into gravity a tear fell from her eye, sad that a piece of her had died. Relentlessly she tried to stay still but the winds forced her to move forward. The second step, she expected the same feeling of los and numbness. Each step a replay from the last. Piece by piece the darkness creeped in. No longer was she walking in the dark, she was a walking darkness. From a misty meaningless night the echos of the resting souls were no longer heard. Although she was walking this empty road all alone, now she truly understood what it meant to be on her own. Silence was no longer in her mind, for now darkness was creeping louder and louder in her mind. Taking her back to the start, replaying the story of her dying heart, with every touch of the night she became more and more numb. Able to split in two, she was once again respectively see herself taking the first step of the night, impotent to her mind, her body a willing victim. A tear in each of her eyes, not from pain or sadness, rather they were happy tears. She hoped that finally she would really die. The light that left a void to be filled by darkness consumed her body, her soul and her hope. In tears of despair driven to the urge and longing of suicide. Every waking moment in that nightmare ate her away like worms at a corpse except she wasn't six feet underground. No, she was six feet above ground living here and every single step again and again with no end with no peace with no road to follow. A meaningless step guided by nothingness leading to emptiness. How could she have known that she was walking the wrong way when she couldn't see. Each step a leap of faith and with each she failed. Subconsciously knowing that every time she stepped she'd fall into a deeper darkness that would overtake her will to live she continued to leap every single time. Why? Why step into a pain that drives you insane? She liked the pain, it meant that she was able to feel. Like everyone and everything else had done, as the sun rose the darkness left her alone. The scorching hot sun rayed at her casting the darkest shadow after her. The resting souls now awakened would all see her shadow and wonder her nature. She, standing alone in the bright meaningless day wore her shadow like a hero wears a cape. She had grown her own shield. Darkness can creep in her mind, but in nature she was wired to live and move forward whether it's dark or light within her will. Blindly following the paths that life had laid in the midst of days and nights. She woke from her nightmare, now able to once again control her body and see from her own opened eyes, she missed seeing herself under the power of the night.
August 20, 2017