Earl Swinney was born on the second Tuesday of May to doting parents Jim Bob and Crystal. Five weeks later, he is an orphan, confined to what’s known as the “church in the woods.”

One day earlier

It’s a Sunday mornin’ in May, church day, and Jim Bob and Crystal Swinney walk out the door of their rustic airstream trailer at 4 AM, baby Earl in hand, to embark on the three-and-a-half hour journey to the Cabwaylingo State Forest, the location of the so-called “church in the woods.”

After the arduous journey, they arrive at service twenty minutes before it begins. They go into the church, drop Earl off in the daycare , and enter the nave. There they meet the church’s sole preacher and the reason they’ve made the journey, Isaiah Smith. Smith had founded the so-called church in the woods twelve years ago. Since then, there have been quite a few people who have gone to the church, some of whom loved it, some of whom decried Smith as a “A deviant,” and a “mentally ill folk who ain’t got nothing better to do than act like Jesus and talk and do crazy.” Jim Bob shakes his hand. Isaiah reciprocates and clasps his cold, deformed hand on Jim Bob’s.

“Child, may your soul be set free by the power of Christ almighty. Let Him see how faithful you’ve been by donatin’ in the name of our lord and saviour, Jesus Christ.”

Jim Bob handed Isaiah two crisp one-hundred dollar bills. Isaiah folded them and put them in his pocket.

“Thank you, child, you may be seated.”

Jim Bob, Crystal, and Earl are ushered into the pew nearest them. They sit down and wait for Isaiah to start his much-anticipated service.

“Children, today is a sad day. Today we have been blessed by our savior, lord Jesus Christ almighty. My wife and I have been blessed by our lord and savior Jesus Christ with infertility. We ain’t had none of God’s children yet ‘cause we cain’t. But we soon will. It’s all part of God’s grand plan. We ‘as walkin’ o’er to the doctor’s office and he got done tellin’ us that we ain’t able to have no kids. Mamie o’er there can’t have none.  But God’ll be good to us. We’s gonna have some children of our own very soon”

The crowd let out a big sigh. Isaiah cut the service short and said, “Now, children, let us partake in this here last offered cup.”

His wife, Mamie, and brother, Adam, started to give wine to the adults in the room. Each took the wine, believing it would guarantee them a spot in the all-inclusive heaven.

“Don’t give none to the children” the two instruct everyone “they be sick if they have any of this here wine. Too pure.”

Everyone drank the wine without a complaint. A couple belched afterwards.

“Let heaven be kind to your souls” Isaiah said, “Now, If you’ll excuse me…”

Almost if on cue, Mamie, Adam, and Isaiah barricaded the doors. There was no way out of the nave. People began coughing up blood. They were dying.

A collective “prophet, what is happening’ to us?” rung out.

Isaiah responded, “We is freein’ you from this mortal world…”

“What ‘bout our children?” several people clamored.

“They is gonna be OK, your chil’ren is gonna be in the hands of your prophet Isaiah so that we can have some children of our own.”

The last adult in the room took their last breath, leaving the ten newly-orphaned children in the hands of the false-prophet, remorseless Isaiah.

The three entered the room again, “Come on now children,” they said, “time to get familiar with your new home.”

The children were understandably in shock. Many were crying, but they still complied with the orders they were given, for they didn’t want to die like their parents.

Adam spoke slowly, because he is slow in the head: “Ya know Isaiah, you’s done a good thang for you and Mamie. God’s oughta be happy for you’s.”

“Yes, he oughta be happy, ‘cause I ‘as done a good thing for me and Mamie and for these here kids. I’ve saved them from themselves and the Lord’s wrath. Now, let’s get ‘em prepared. Mamie and I’s got’s some kids now.”

The children were ushered into a large room filled with hand-made oak bunk beds. It’s clear: they are there to stay.

“Get on up there, kids. You’s are home now.”