It all started when our predictably heroic protagonist, Bob, woke up in a haunted thicket. It was the third time it had happened. Feeling alarmingly worried, Bob slapped a dull pencil, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). In a tragically predictable turn of events, he realized that his beloved toy bus was missing!  Immediately he called his favorite Mormon, Joe. Bob had known Joe for (plus or minus) one million years, the majority of which were saucy ones.  Joe was unique. He was attractive though sometimes a little... stupid. Bob called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.

   Joe picked up to a very angry Bob. Joe calmly assured him that most spotted wolf hamsters panic before mating, yet Indonesian devil cats usually scandalously sigh *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Bob.  Why was Joe trying to distract Bob?  Because he had snuck out from Bob's with the toy bus only eight days prior.  It was a eccentric little toy bus... how could he resist?

   It didn't take long before Bob got back to the subject at hand: his toy bus. Joe yawned. Reluctantly, Joe invited him over, assuring him they'd find the toy bus. Bob grabbed his hippopotamus and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Joe realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the toy bus and he had to do it recklessly. He figured that if Bob took the neighborhood-terrorizing crotch rocket, he had take at least nine minutes before Bob would get there.  But if he took the umbrella?  Then Joe would be very screwed.

   Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Joe was interrupted by seven stupid squirrels that were lured by his toy bus. Joe cringed; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling frustrated, he fearlessly reached for his gerbil and aggressively poked every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief.  That's when he heard the umbrella rolling up.  It was Bob.

----o0o----

   As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Jim's House of Wings to pick up a 12-pack of live hand grenades, so he knew he was running late.  With a careful leap, Bob was out of the umbrella and went flamboyantly jaunting toward Joe's front door.  Meanwhile inside,  Joe was panicking.  Not thinking, he tossed the toy bus into a box of dull pencils and then slid the box behind his rhinocerus. Joe was angered but at least the toy bus was concealed.  The doorbell rang.

   'Come in,' Joe explosively purred.  With a hasty push, Bob opened the door.  'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some annoying self-righteous ass in a magic flying carpet,' he lied.  'It's fine,' Joe assured him. Bob took a seat excruciatingly close to where Joe had hidden the toy bus. Joe yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness.  'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted.  But Bob was distracted. Like a drunken sailor at happy hour, Joe noticed a abrasive look on Bob's face. Bob slowly opened his mouth to speak.

   '...What's that smell?'

   Joe felt a stabbing pain in his double chin when Bob asked this.  In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the toy bus right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what?  I don't smell anything..!'  A lie.  A dimwitted look started to form on Bob's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's potatoes from when she used to have pet albino cats.  She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Bob nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Joe could react, Bob skillfully lunged toward the box and opened it.  The toy bus was plainly in view.

   Bob stared at Joe for what what must've been eleven minutes. Before anyone could take off their pants, Joe groped charismatically in Bob's direction, clearly desperate. Bob grabbed the toy bus and bolted for the door.  It was locked. Joe let out a enticing chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Bob,' he rebuked. Joe always had been a little funny-smelling, so Bob knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Joe did something crazy, like... start chucking gerbils at him or something. Ever so extemporaneously, he gripped his toy bus tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

   Joe looked on, blankly. 'What the hell?  That seemed excessive.  The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Bob. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame eight days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for Bob. 'Oh.  You ..okay?' Still silence. Joe walked over to the window and looked down. Bob was gone.

----o0o----

   Just yonder, Bob was struggling to make his way through the bush behind Joe's place. Bob had severely hurt his double chin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength.  Another pack of feral squirrels suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the toy bus.  One by one they latched on to Bob.  Already weakened from his injury, Bob yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed.  The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of squirrels running off with his toy bus.

   But then God came down with His charismatic smile and restored Bob's toy bus. Feeling angered, God smote the squirrels for their injustice.  Then He got in His wannabe go-fast Civic and sped away with the fortitude of  153 Indonesian devil cats running from a huge pack of spotted wolf hamsters. Bob flipped with joy when he saw this. His toy bus was safe. It was a good thing, too, because in six minutes his favorite TV show,  Keeping up with the Kardashians, was going to come on (followed immediately by 'When spotted wolf hamsters meet gun'). Bob was elated. And so, everyone except Joe and a few ebola-toting Indonesian devil cats lived blissfully happy, forever after.