What if my life was full of lies?

Filled with secrets I can't control.
Full of hatred and tormentors, who torment my every move?
If I told you a secret, would you keep it?

"I'll take a caramel Frappuccino, low fat please" I chimed. "What do you want sweetie?" I questioned my daughter Evelyn. "Hot chocolate" she squeaked. Her eyes were so beautiful, infused with bliss and laughter. They were the perfect baby blue, unlike my  brown eyes, only showed loathing and love. I unlocked the gaze between us. "Here you go mam one Carmel Frappuccino and one hot chocolate for this little cutie" she giggled. "Thank you, what do you say Evelyn?" "Thank you" she choked.

CLICK went the sound of my seat belt. The smoke from the car filled my lungs, making me cough. I put the car in reverse, looked both ways and headed towards the exit. An ongoing car sped right pass me. I honked my horn, "asshole!" I screeched to a violent stop. "What does that mean mommy?" I had forgotten that I was speaking badly in front of her. What a great mother I am. "Oh don't worry about it sweetie"
The sound of birds resonated while I was driving, decided that I would put on my favorite radio station, well Evelyn's favorite. "Oh baby, baby, oh" I rolled my eyes in disgust knowing that this wanna be singer was on the radio. I looked in the rear view mirror and saw my little baby moving her feet to the beat of the song. How did I make such a beautiful girl?
I giggled at the sight of her. I turned my left turn signal on and waiting for the red light to turn green.
By now the voices were out of control.
Little dots of blackness appeared before my eyes I tried blinking them away.
One minute I was watching my baby dance, the next i'm in a hospital bed.
What happened to Evelyn?
What happened to me?

It felt as if everyone was in slow motion when I awakened from my daze. "Rileigh are you ok?", "Talk to us Ri" Too many voices were everywhere. Suddenly my daze disappeared. I shot right out of bed, almost falling to the ground.
There were so many people around me invading my precious space that I needed. Bears and flowers were scattered around, in corners, and on top of tables, welcoming me from and event that I had and don't remember.

FLASHBACK
"Come on babe, it'll be fun" my boyfriend Caleb exclaimed.
"I don't think this is such a good idea" I stuttered. We were going to an abandoned amusement park.
He opened the gate SCREECH. I covered my ears.
A cold dust of wind shot at me, I shivered. Caleb ran right pass me making me fall.
"Caleb!" I yelled.
I walked past 3 cotton candy machines, and one roller coaster with half of it vanished from sight.
"God damn it..." I paused.
Rose pedals caught my eye, that were followed by other pedals that led to a tent. 
"Caleb..." I walked in carefully like a mouse on wood trying not to make a sound.
Lights streamed the walls of the tent, pedals blew by me as I walked.
"Boo!" Caleb whispered in my ear. I screamed almost having a heart attack. He was holding his side of laughter.
"What the hell was that for?" I punched him in the arm.
"It was supposed to be a surprise" he chuckled.
It was breathtaking, my mouth was practically drooling from the sight.
He clung himself to me wrapping his arms around my waist causing butterflies to crawl up my to stomach.
"You like it?" he said kissing my cheek.
"It's..it's beautiful" I softly whispered.
FLASHBACK OVER.

"Where's Evelyn?" I yelped.
The only thing I wanted to see was my baby safe and sound, protected by the beat of my heart.
"Rileigh!" yelled everyone except Caleb.
He was looking down at the ground kicking dust bunnies and seemed deep into thought. What was wrong with him?
"Where's Evelyn?" I repeated
Sadness was the answer.
"No..no" I ripped the cord out of my wrist making blood ooze out.
I ran down the hallway towards a doctor.
"Where's the morgue?"
He observed me up and down, looking confused. He should be because I don't know what the hell i'm doing.
"Where are you supposed to be?"
"Room 121, my nurse let me out to ask you where I could find the morgue" I lied.
"Right, it's down the hallway to the right"

I entered the room towards a grey table with a body covered by a blanket. Is it my little girl?
I removed the blanket to see my baby breathless. I put my trembling hands on the table. God what the hell happened?
I lost it at that moment. Tears and tears fell to the floor, I went by a corner and cried remembering the memories I had with Evelyn.

"Hello?" a voice asked through the doorway.
I didn't move, only a whimper came out.
Caleb squatted in front of me and lifted me up into his arms.
We sat there in silence utill he finally said
"We can get through this together, you know I forgive and still love you"
I lifted my head "Still" I stuttered.
"Yea after what you did."
"What did I do?"
"You should know Rileigh, it was your fault"

"What are you talking about?" I looked in his eyes with worry for what I have done.
I crawled off his lap towards the table where my baby lies dead.
"You really dont remember?"
"No I really dont"
"Rileigh there's a video of you that somebody recorded of you losing control on purpose, you headed straight towards a gas station"
I tried remembering what had happened, but I couldn't state the obvious.

I headed back to the room and asked everybody to leave including Caleb.
I needed to try and figure out how I did this.
Was it the voices? I mean the voices can be over powering, but can they really take control of me?
Are my torments coming out?
My thoughts sent me to sleep with a headache.

I woke up with police officers around me.
I jumped up with confusion.
"Hello Rileigh i'm officer Michael"
I interrupted him. "I didnt want to hurt Evelyn, she was my everything. The voices took control of me"
"We know Caleb told us about your voices, but you need help and you need to pay the consequences. That's why we are taking you to a different hospital, one that will make you feel better"
"What...no, i'm not crazy.."
"You need help mam"
Before I could say anything else the officers put the straps around me from the hospital bed. I tried to break loose.
"Rileigh you need to calm down"
I squirmed.
"No f*** you, you bastard" I spit in Michael's face.
I froze in shock of what I had said. Tormentors are back.
"Give her a shot"
A sharp pain in my left arm left me numb, it went dark.

I spend my days in a crazy house.
Lost in my head.
Tormentors yelling in my ear.
"Do it Rileigh"
"Hurt them or I will hurt you"

I wrote a note for Evelyn.

Dear my sweet little angel,
     Mommy loves you so much. I don't remember what I did, but please forgive me.
I wanted you to live a happy and long life, but I took that away. I love you to the moon and back.
I will be with you soon.
                                           Love mom.

I left the crazy house that night and of to the clouds I went.
My baby was there waiting for me. I wrapped my arms around her small body. Tears rushed down my cheeks.
"Mommy I have to tell you a secret."
"What is it baby?"
"I love you and forgive you"
I smiled and hugged her again.
Hand and hand we walked through the clouds.

Life for me was fair in the end. I was free with Evelyn, free from my tormentors. Freedom is my savior. My secrets are left down on earth. I reviled my biggest one today.

So if I told you a secret would you keep it?