The Beast In The Shadows

November 21, 2008
Moonlight flickered down through the leaves, making small orbs of light on the floor, illuminating the path for the animals of the inght and those unfortunate enough to be followed. The orbs' perfectly round shapes were distorted as feet stamped across the loose soil. He looked abck and saw it gaining on him. He was truly terrified of the creature, for he had no idea what this beast was, but he kept going, driven by the small beam of hope of making it out alive. He was like a deer, caught in the headlights of some unknown driver, stuck by it's fear. Only if he knew where he was going, some clue to get him out of the maze of trees that twisted up until the treetops pierced the sky. He was reaching the outskirts of the trees now, and he sprinted away at the lit meadow outside the field. He was no more then ten steps away when the ground underneath him gave way,. As he plundered down, he realized that his life is gone, that this was just a trap. His body hit the jagged stones at the bottom, shredding his skin. His bloood seeped out from the gashes made by the stones, and the last thing he saw was the beast that lurked in the shadows leaping down to feed on him.

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NataleeIrene This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 15, 2013 at 10:31 am
This was good. You just need to edit it better. Also, I think you should extend it just a little by adding really vivid description. I'm a huge fan of short stories that really blow up one small event into a really great short story, and the best ones are almost always the ones that add alot of good elaboration.
Patrice B. said...
Apr. 26, 2010 at 9:31 pm
stellar word choice! I really got into it.  Just make sure to do a bit of a better editing job next time(:
luckyducky4 said...
Apr. 1, 2010 at 5:10 pm
for it to be a short story i personally loved it
sleeplessdreamer said...
Dec. 20, 2009 at 2:17 pm
There was no topic or any form of theme. But some of your descriptions were impressive for someone in eighth grade. Good job overall.
shmegles replied...
Feb. 23, 2010 at 4:33 pm
ummm.... i don't know what you read, but yah it does. IT's a short story not a book. he/she can't give a whole story line. it's about a person being chased by a monster, then falls down a hole or off a cliff or something and then the monster jumps down to eat him. it's not hard to get.
that_one_kid said...
Nov. 26, 2009 at 8:12 pm
Well the writing itself is not bad, in fact if you're only in 8th grade it is probably a bit ahead of some kids... but you need to go back and edit it, and make sure it has a point!
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