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Dear Insanity: The River

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The River

Dear Insanity,



“I feel lonely. I feel like I can barely make it anymore. My nights, and days are now spent thinking. Will I be okay? Will everything be alright in the end? I don’t think they will be, but I can’t be to sure.” I say. “This is my story.”
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I feel the water touching my skin, it’s hot. Thousands of drops of water collide with my skin. The ground is hard, and not very roomy. I open my eyes, and realize that I am laying down on the shower floor unconscious. I feel my head throbbing. I take a stand, and twist the shower nobs, so that the water will stop. I touch my head, and I feel a scar. I pull my hand away, and see spots of blood covering it. I step out of the shower, and I get clothes on. I ready myself for work. I stare at myself in the mirror, I smile and say to myself, “Hey there, handsome. I see you’re checking me out. Well, you look pretty nice as well.”

I laugh, and walk out of the restroom, and into the kitchen. I make me a bowl of cereal, and hear my wife’s voice, “Hey, good morning.”

“Oh, well good morning, beautiful. How are you this morning?” I say to her while smiling, and chewing my cereal.

“I’m great, thanks for asking. How are you?” she asked me.

“Oh, I’m fine, just woke up in the shower though. The water was running, and everything. I don’t even know how I got there.” I said while rubbing my head.

“That’s strange, are you okay then?” she asked.

“Oh, I’m fine. Thank you for asking, my dear.” I said while smiling. “You look a little pale today, and wet. Are you okay?”

“Oh, yeah. I’m fine. I just feel a little sick I guess, and I just splashed some water on my face.” she said.

“Oh, well I’m sorry to hear that, my love. I hope you get better soon, babe.” I said while taking my last bite of cereal. “I got to start going to work now, love. Or else I’ll be late, then the boss will really ride my ass.”

“Oh, well be careful okay? Drive safe, and I mean it.” she said to me.

“I will, don’t you worry to much about me. You need to get rest, so you can get to feeling better. You’re far more important than me.” I said. I walked up towards her, then gave her a kiss.

“I love you. Please be alright.” she said to me again while looking into my eyes.

“I promise I will be alright, why are you worrying so much? I love you more.” I said to her while smiling, and grabbing the keys from the counter.

She watched me as I walked out of the door. I opened the car door, and I took my seat. I took a glance at the window, and I saw her staring out of it. She waved at me, and blew me a kiss. I did the same to her, with a smile stretching across my face. I took a breath on the car window then wrote on it. I made an “I” at the top, then a heart-shaped drawing below the “I.” Then I wrote a “U” below the heart. I smiled then buckled my seat belt, then I drove off.

While I was driving to town, I heard police sirens going off. I pulled to the side of the road, and stopped my car. I watched as the police car drove past me, with a line of cars following it. “Must be a funeral.” I said to myself. I sat there, and waited for all of the cars to past. I turned the radio on, so I could listen to music. When all of the cars were done passing, I pulled back onto the road. About thirty minutes late I was into the city. I saw light rain drops hit my windshield. “I hope it doesn’t get that bad today. The traffic looks busy today.” I said. I turned the music up on the radio, and I listened. I started singing along to the song, “We better stop. Hey! What’s that sound? Everybody look what’s going round.” After the song was over I listened to the radio voices talk.

“Hello everybody! Good morning to all of you people in San Antonio, Texas! We actually have some bad news to tell. There is a funeral being held for a girl, who had died recently. Local police found her at the bottom of a river, stopped by a tree branch. It’s been announced that she had drowned from the water entering in her body. I have the best of wishes to her family, and I hope they will be okay. You are listening to 102.5 the bear.” said the radio voice.

“Wow, I feel bad for her family. Maybe that’s the funeral that passed me up earlier.” I said to myself. I took a right turn, and parked my car in the parking lot. I stepped out, and I could feel a small breeze hit me, and I could feel the rain drops touching my head. I quickly walked up to the door of the building to get inside. When I was inside, I walked to the elevator. I started going up to the fifth floor, but I stopped at floor two. A man got inside the elevator with me. “How are you?” I said while smiling at him. He just looked at me, as if I were crazy, then he put his head down. Ding! “Well this is my stop. I hope you have a good day.” I said to the man as I left the elevator.

Everyone took a quick glance at me, then they put their heads back down. There was complete silence in the room. I walked towards my desk quickly, and took a seat. “Hey buddy, how are you?” my friend asked me as soon as I sat down.

“I’m alright, how are you?” I asked him back with an awkward tone of voice. “Why is everyone being unusual today?”

He just looked at me with a weird look, and he said to me, “Oh, well you umm didn’t hear about the girl today?” he asked.

“Yeah, I did. That’s sad. She probably could’ve had a good life.” I said to him.

“Yeah, buddy. I bet she was pretty happy though, before she passed away. We better get to work before the boss comes in and rides our ass.” my friend said to me while patting me on the shoulder, and turning back towards his desk.

Time just passed. Seconds turned to minutes, and minutes turned into hours. It was time to leave, everyone else had already left. I got up from my desk, and found my way to my car. When I was standing outside, I noticed the wind, and rain had picked up. I quickly unlocked the door to my car, and started making my way towards home. I could hear thunder, and I could see trees moving in the black night as I drove. I pulled into the driveway then quickly got out of the car, and ran up to the door of the house. “Man this rain, and wind seems like it keeps picking up.” I say while unlocking the door to the house. I step inside then wander my way into the kitchen, only to find my wife sitting at the table. “Hey, you.” I said to her while smiling. “I missed you, you know that? What are you doing up still though?”

“I missed you more. Casey, I want to go, and watch the river. Can you please take me?” she asked me.

“Out in this weather? We’ll catch ammonia. Then the weather keeps getting worse, and worse.” I tell her.

“But Casey, it would mean a lot to me, and it would make me so happy. Could you please do it, for me?” asked again.

“I can’t do that. You’re already sick, you know?” I said to her.

“I’m not that sick, and if you don’t take me then you really don’t love me.” she said to me again.

“Fine, but we have to stay inside the car...okay?” I said to her.

“Deal!” she said to me while smiling, and running out to the car.

I followed behind her, and started driving us to the river. Rain started pouring down really fast, and strong. It was getting hard to see the road. I looked at my wife, and saw her looking out of the window. She had such a sad look in her eyes. I kept driving, I saw lighting bolts skip from cloud to cloud, and I could hear the loud roars of the thunder. “We’re almost there.” she said to me.

I smiled while looking into her eyes, and I said to her, “Yeah, we are. I love you.”

“I love you more.” she said back to me while smiling, and placing her hand on my leg.

I pulled over on a cliff, so she could see the river run. “It’s running fast, huh? I never seen the weather this bad before. This is insane.” I said to her

“I’m so sorry.” she said while getting out of the car. She ran towards the edge of the cliff, and I sat in the car with the look of fear on my face. “I love you.” she said to me, then a heavy wind blew in, knocking her off the cliff.

“No!” I screamed out, slamming the door open to the car. I ran to the edge of the cliff then dove in. I hunted her down in the fast moving stream. “Hannah! Hannah! Where are you!” I kept screaming.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I will always love you, I never meant for any of this to happen. I love you Casey. I needed you to hear that. I love you so much. Please forgive me for leaving you.” she called out.

I felt the water of the river running into my mouth, feeling myself being drowned. I started thinking. ““Oh, I’m fine. Thank you for asking, my dear.” I said while smiling. “You look a little pale today, and wet. Are you okay?” I watched as the police car drove past me, with a line of cars following it. “Must be a funeral.” I said to myself. “Hey buddy, how are you?” my friend asked me as soon as I sat down. “I’m alright, how are you?” I asked him back with an awkward tone of voice. “Why is everyone being unusual today?” He just looked at me with a weird look, and he said to me, “Oh, well you umm didn’t hear about the girl today?” he asked. “Yeah, I did. That’s sad. She probably could’ve had a good life.” I said to him. “Yeah, buddy. I bet she was pretty happy though, before she passed away. We better get to work before the boss comes in and rides our ass.” my friend said to me while patting me on the shoulder, and turning back towards his desk.” At that point, I knew. I came to my senses. I knew my wife was the girl who died. I was taking a breath every chance I got as I flowed down the stream. I felt my heart throbbing, and I felt it shatter into pieces. I felt a hole in my chest. “I’m not going to make it. I’m alone now.

I wake up from the shower floor, gasping for air. I touch my head, and feel the scar from the fall. I let out loud cries. After two years have passed, I lie in my bed, looking at the ceiling, and talking to myself.

“I guess grieving is natural, and it should eventually go away. Mine will never go away though. I feel lonely. I feel like I can barely make it anymore. My nights, and days are now spent thinking of her. Will I be okay? Will everything be alright in the end? I don’t think they will be, but I can’t be to sure. Grief takes time to heal.” I say while looking up at the ceiling. Then the lights cut off, and I close my teary eyes.



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