January 11, 2013
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The night air was cool on my face, the breeze ruffling my hair. It was a clear sky so the moon was fully visible. For such a peaceful night, anyone could have been fooled into believing that it would continue that way.

It was late when I came downstairs. About 12.30. But I just could not sleep because if I did then the nightmares would come.

The fresh air cooled me down as stepped onto the cold paving stones that led to our small garden. So small. Too small. My feet made their way down to the grass and I sunk down onto it.

Digging my toes down into the soil felt comforting. Like I was rooting myself into the core of the earth. So that I was more in control. At peace with the world. Almost.

There was a menace in the air however. One I couldn’t ignore. And one that pierced it’s way into my brain, bringing lingering thoughts into clear view. I sighed. So not even the soil, the earth and the cool breeze could stop the horrors. A shiver ran down my spine that had nothing to do with the cold night. My breath came out in little water droplets, that lingered in the air before evaporating in front of my eyes. I automatically rubbed my arm, a motion I made out of habit while feeling particularly vulnerable, and winced as I reached the burn. I could feel more memories rising from the part of my brain that I tried to permanently shut down.

The world span as pictures flashed before my eyes…

Red. Colours have always been important to me, being an art enthusiast. But this colour is one that, to this day, I have not been able to keep out of my thoughts. It has a whole new meaning when you have been through what I have. Red. Before that night, it was just another colour, one that I frequently used. Now it is the one that I relate to everything bad that could ever happen in this evil world.

Red. A wolf howls in the distance. I spin around. Nothing. I could have sworn that I heard her. Her screams. Red. I could not stop the memories flooding back. It was no use. So I gritted my teeth and let them come.

Red. My sisters screams. The hurry, the rush to get out of the door before the house collapsed. The swelteringly hot wall of fire, jumping up and teasing us. Red. My father rushing back to get my sister. Me, running in after him. Mother holding me close to her, screaming at me too stay. Red. Pulling away from her. Pushing father back outside the burning wreck. Running to my injured sister. Red. Red. Dragging her out but not in time. Red. Red. Flames engulf me runs back inside with her life. House collapsing with me in it. Red flames. Red heat. Red fear. Red pain. Red. Red. Red.

My own screams were the last thing I heard before I passed out.




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This article has 19 comments. Post your own now!

E.J.Mathews This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
May 12, 2013 at 6:48 pm
This piece was wonderful. Besides the two misspelled words I found, this piece was flawless. I loved the poetry of it, and felt all of the emotions the narrator was trying to get across. Very nice work.
thegoldenllama said...
Feb. 3, 2013 at 4:32 pm
Nice use of repetitiong for the colors red and black, it adds a nice touch to the story and I can easily relate to how the main character is feeling. Oh, and I found a small grammar error. :) The 'too' in 'screaming at me too stay' should be 'to' , but it isn't obvious. Anyways, overall great job! I wish I could know what happened after that fire... :O Haunting in a way.
BeccyFxx replied...
Feb. 23, 2013 at 7:44 am
Thank you! I think the grammar error was acidental! :)
IMSteel said...
Feb. 2, 2013 at 7:07 pm
It is very good, you definately have a talent for writing.  The whole thing was good, I only have a few suggestions:  First of all, it could use the slightest bit more description, you have very good description here and there, but maybe add a little bit more...maybe, to show how attune she is to colours, on the first part describe her picking out colours around the yard, and then describing what it is that colour is on.  Second suggestion: the end is a little stuttery.  I ... (more »)
BeccyFxx replied...
Feb. 23, 2013 at 7:46 am
I'm glad that there are more writing nuts than just me! I like your suggestions, especially about picking out colours from the garden. Thank you for your feedback!
lucybrown said...
Jan. 22, 2013 at 7:46 pm
I really like this this!  I especially liked the repetition of red towards the end of the piece.  The beginning drew me in immediately, and you do a great job depicting the emotions the character feels.  I really liked the imagery in this piece as well.  There are a few minor errors, for example in the last big paragraph, my sisters screams, should be my sister's screams, but other than that, you did a great job with this.  Keep up the great work!
BeccyFxx replied...
Jan. 26, 2013 at 6:09 am
Thank you for your feed back!
Apollo77 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jan. 19, 2013 at 9:09 pm
interesting-in a good way. I like the emotion-the last paragraph confuses me a little, but the description is wonderful and emotion is great.
BeccyFxx replied...
Jan. 26, 2013 at 6:15 am
thanks, now that i have read i back i see where that is confuzing! 
Sketched97 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jan. 19, 2013 at 5:35 pm
I really like it. You convey the emotions well. It could use a little bit of minor editing but otherwise it's great.
BeccyFxx replied...
Jan. 26, 2013 at 6:16 am
yeah a few people have said that:)
In_Love_with_Writing said...
Jan. 19, 2013 at 1:28 pm
Whoa that sent me into a whole range of emotion! This was so good. You said in the thread not to judge you too harshly, but you are FANTASTIC. There was no need to worry because I like this soooo much :)
BeccyFxx replied...
Jan. 26, 2013 at 6:18 am
Thank you soo much for this! You have no idea how sweet this is:)
guardianofthestars This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jan. 19, 2013 at 12:50 pm
Very haunting and chilling. I was into it to the end. Very good!!
BeccyFxx replied...
Jan. 26, 2013 at 6:18 am
Thank you!
XXxTakersGirlxXX said...
Jan. 18, 2013 at 12:47 pm
I like this! Very good work! =D
BeccyFxx replied...
Jan. 18, 2013 at 1:11 pm
Thank you very much!! xxx
Emma-Riley replied...
Jan. 18, 2013 at 1:38 pm
this is really good! i love it alot, good job! one thing though....  The world span as pictures flashed before my eyes… you said this, but span is like a length... i understand what you're trying to say though! "the world began to spin as pictures flashed before my eyes..." might work better though! other than that, good job! (:
BeccyFxx replied...
Jan. 18, 2013 at 1:55 pm
Oh yes I have realized that now that you mentioned it! Thank you!:)
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