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The Quiet Man's Bride

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We were in an abandoned warehouse. The quiet man screamed. I loved it when he screamed. My teeth met the flesh of his shoulder and sank in. I bit deeper and deeper until teeth clashed with teeth and I pulled away. His flesh tore like paper under my bite. His shoulder sprayed blood which splayed all over my face. I chewed the still warm meat until it was a pulp and then I swallowed. I swooned at the taste.

I swooned and fell and the quiet man caught me. We were at a carnival in New York City. We had just viewed an attraction at the sideshow. The creature we saw was more beast than man. He had shocked me with his appearance and the quiet man caught me. I smiled at him and shoved him away. I told him that his holding me in public was not proper. He laughed and said I was never the type to be proper. I kissed him on the lips and whispered that he was right.

I whispered that I was scared. We were in an alleyway and surrounded by muggers. The quiet man told them that we didn’t want any trouble. The biggest mugger said that they wanted trouble. I told them to leave us alone. The big mugger said that I should shut my mouth if I wanted my boyfriend to survive this encounter. Another mugger grabbed me and pinned me down. Then he lifted up my skit. The quiet man lashed out. He single handedly took out the three muggers. Let’s go to the carnival he said. I hugged him around the neck and cried.

I hugged the quiet man around the neck and cried. We were at my parent’s house in Baton Rouge. He had just returned from the war. I had thought that he had died. He picked me up and swung me around. He proposed. I said yes. We were married and moved within the year. We lived in New York now. To celebrate our move, we were going to walk from our apartment to the carnival.

We went for a walk. We were in Natchitoches, at his parent’s estate. The quiet man told me he was joining the war effort. I cried. We were to be married. I could not understand his motivation in joining the war. He said that his country needed him. I told him that I would wait for him.

I told him that I was waiting for someone. We were at a Marti Gras ball in New Orleans. The quiet man asked me to dance and would not take no for an answer. I agreed, as it looked like I had been stood up by my date. We danced for what seemed like hours. He asked to take me back to his hotel room. I told him that, even though I had been stood up, I still had my pride. He offered to walk me to my hotel room. I told him as a woman of the twentieth century I could walk home myself.

I walked home from the abandoned warehouse. I was in New York City. I had just eaten my husband, the quiet man. And I was off to find another man to charm into being my husband. So I could eat him as well. Maybe a tall man, or a fat man. But, God forbid, not another quiet man.



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anonymous_user said...
Jan. 7, 2013 at 10:10 pm:
.I see what you are trying to do, and I appreciate this type of writing. The basic idea is solid. The grammatical issues are also somewhat solid. Starting sentences with prepositions as well as "and" can only really work within a dialogue between characters or with an intended lead-in/set-up. Also, i would suggest omitting or even finding a different way to build on the story besides a major issue such as war that was glossed over without skipping a beat. Aside from that, it reads Tarantino-e... (more »)
 
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Imaginedangerous This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jan. 6, 2013 at 7:09 pm:
Kind of disturbing, but the voice and organization were very cool. I loved how the story was told backwards- and so emotionlessly. Great job.
 
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JRayeThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jan. 6, 2013 at 4:39 pm:
Oh my goodness! This is just incredable. Keep writting, seriously! One of the best things I've read on Teen Ink
 
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In_Love_with_Writing said...
Jan. 6, 2013 at 4:04 pm:
Wow, this was . . . something. I don't know what else to say. You have quite an imagination. Can you rate or comment some of my stories? It means a lot to me!!
 
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