An unfriendly breeze flowed through the cracked window chilling the tan bathroom floor tiles and sending goosebumps all over my pale skin. I silently screamed and dug my chewed nails deeper into my arms. I stared at the broken mirror shards that surrounded me; I was certain at least one person would hear but nobody said a word. At least thirty cops and forensic scientist filled Jaime’s minuscule apartment questioning the neighbors and collecting any information they felt was useful. I had been holding everything in from the moment I came home but when they told me they were calling the clean-up team, tears started streaming down my face and I had locked myself in the bathroom. I don’t know what had happened but I guess it just shocked me that they were referring to this as if it was just a dirty apartment, not a kitchen with pools of blood, broken furniture, a bloody knife, and a cold, lifeless body splayed out on the floor. I shrieked at the thought and punched my already bruised and scratched hand into the dry wall. My chest burned with an intense pain and I was starting to wish I had died eleven years ago. Footsteps sounded down the hall and I heard the sound of our front door groaning open after a depressing day.

“I’m sorry son it’s always hard to lose a partner.” The voice sounded like the chief of the Loma Heights division.

“I just don’t understand how this could have happened…” this was Ryan’s voice and he trailed off trying to solve the same question I was repeatedly asking myself.

“Well we are going to figure this out son.” The chief sounded uncomfortable in this situation. “Alright ladies and gents let’s wrap it up.” People made agreeing noises, “I don’t think the little lady is coming out until we leave and she could probably use some sleep.” This he said quieter.

“You go sir, I’m going to stay. She could probably use someone to talk to.” Ryan could have been trying to be nice but something in his voice sent a cold chill down my spine and made the burning worse. I respected him though and had always admired the way he handled difficult situations. Nothing more was said but soon the house was quiet and the door had been closed long ago. I carefully picked up the fragments of the mirror and did everything I could so I didn’t have to go outside of the room. I banged my head on the wall and ripped out a few strands of my trashed hair trying to get my thoughts collected before I tried to talk to someone. I tried to calm down by splashing chilled water on my face but inside me things still remained dark and fragile. I quietly slipped from the bathroom hoping that I could just go to bed but sadly at the end of the hall Ryan was pacing back and forth with a blank face.

“Do you think she was scared?” it took me a second before I realized he was talking to me and my mind raced for an answer.

“I know she was.” He suddenly stopped pacing and his whole body tensed.

“Why?” he turned to face me and regarded my every move with the same blank face.

“I don’t know Ryan! Okay? Just move on and I guess remember it’s not our fault or whatever.” I was irritated and tired and I wanted this conversation to be over. He started to smirk at me as if I had just told him a joke and I started to feel squirmish.

“Don’t worry Amanda, I know it’s not my fault.” Something about his tone was rubbing me the wrong way and I was starting to feel the darkness bubbling up.

“Look I just want to go to bed. I’m tired.” I touched my face just as the tears started to glide down them. I was crying?

“I bet you are.” His tone implied that he knew something I didn’t but I wasn’t going to play games.

“Look I’m just trying to help!” I was screaming. Why was I screaming? He was making me feel angry but what did he know? Or did he know something?

“Don’t you think you’ve done enough?” he raised his eyebrow and he was so calm. What was happening? Was he accusing me or validating me?

“Yes, Yes I do.” I turned around and took two steps when he grabbed my wrist.

“Don’t run away Amanda, we aren’t done here just yet.” His hand had gotten tighter and tighter with every word but he still seemed calm. Maybe he was just as lost and confused as I was.

“Let go Ryan.” My voice came out rigid and shaky. I had no clue you could talk with two different tones in your voice. To my surprise though he let go and went back to his rigid cold stance.

“Amanda you are amazing you know that.” His voice was dark, yet wasn’t that a compliment? My mind was spinning; it felt like everything he was saying had a double-meaning or was insinuating something.

“Ryan you are confusing me. Look, let’s both get some sleep and I don’t know things will be clearer in the morning.” I sighed so tired and feeling the darkness spreading to my thoughts. He froze and stared at me as if I had suggested we should go jump off a cliff together.

“How could you!” he grabbed me by my shoulders and a tear slipped down his cheek. I finally got to see the anguish in his eyes but again I was really confused by what he was asking. “How could you.” He whispered. How could you Linda… a voice, my dad’s voice echoed through my mind. Oh god, my dad… no. This was nothing like that night.

“I’m sorry I’m not sure what you’re asking.” He let go of my shoulders and straightened up putting on that blank face again. That broke something inside me and I’m not sure why but I reached out and slapped him.

“What is wrong with you! One minute you finally show some emotion and the next your acting like a heartless robot!” I shoved him and felt warm streams flowing down my cheeks soaking my shirt even more. He looked confused for a few seconds but recovered quite well and grabbed a hold of my face so I had to look directly into his lifeless eyes.

“I’m not the one who has no heart, Amanda.” His eyes pierced mine and a wave of confusion set in again. What was he talking about? I had been crying and breaking things all night, why was I the heartless one?

“You—you jerk!” my blood boiled and a hot prickling sensation spread over my face. I hated him right now, screw respect. He started to laugh and shake his head at me.

“You know what I’m going to bed. I’m done playing your games.” I pushed past him and started walking towards the door so I could lock him out.

“Oh you are good Amanda. I almost believe this oblivious little girl act.” He stared expectantly at me. What was he expecting?

“It’s not an act Ryan. God I don’t know what you are hinting at or what you want me to say but I know you need to leave.” His eyes narrowed scrutinizing my every move.

“I want you to tell the truth. I expect you to tell the truth.” He wasn’t going to leave unless I told him the truth.

“The truth about what! What do you want me to say!” tears started flowing again and my knees felt shaky under me.

“Oh for god sakes Amanda! Just admit what you did.” He was pretty calm which surprised me.

“What did I do Ryan? Please enlighten me.” I stared at him waiting for him to tell me what was going on.

“It’s your fault and we both know it.” I walked over to the couch and sat down.

“What my fault I didn’t call the police faster, my fault that I didn’t stay home for my birthday?” I was exhausted I had cried out all my tears and the anger was fleeing.

“Wow, you cause something this big and you can’t even own up to it.” This big? My fault? Oblivious act? What had I done? Or rather what did he think I had done?

“Wait, are you talking about what happened today?” He just looked at me and nodded once. “So you are saying her death is my fault?”

“Yes, you know exactly what I’m saying.” He glared at me again. That wasn’t it, there was something more than that a deeper accusation but what? Then it hit me.

“You think I…” my hands were clammy and my stomach twisted into a ball, “You think I killed my mom? You’re insane! I loved her; she was the greatest thing that ever happened to me! I would never…” He just watched me.

“I wish that was actually the truth.” He walked to the door. I screamed and threw the closest thing to me in his direction. My nails dug into the palms of my hands and my eyes burned.

“Goodbye Amanda.” He opened the door and met my eyes, “Don’t worry, we’ll see each other again real soon, just under different circumstances.” He walked out and slammed the door. Hysterics bubbled up within me and my mind was turning to mush. I don’t want to see you again, I thought. And what did he mean by different circumstances? What had just happened? Was he really accusing me of murdering her? How could this be happening? What had I ever done to deserve this? I couldn’t even answer my own questions! This night might even top the tragedy that occurred eleven