Murder at the Mall

November 12, 2012
By Detective_Finn SILVER, Houston, Texas
Detective_Finn SILVER, Houston, Texas
9 articles 0 photos 9 comments

Favorite Quote:
A great day starts with the thought of having one. Joseph Dixon

Case #: 003
Detective Finn and the Murder at the Mall

“Oh, man. I need to get my girlfriend a gift for our first kiss anniversary,” Finn moaned as he walked through the mall. After he got in a divorce with his last wife, he wanted to make sure that if he is ever in a relationship again, he would try to make the relationship perfect. “I know. I’ll get her a nice card. Then, I’ll get her some bath soaps too.”

Detective Finn walked in to a little card store. It was very small, only had about three shelves of cards, and every time you walked in, you would hear the faint sound of jingling bells. He went to the anniversary shelf and tried to pick a card. He saw the large variety of cards and he started mumbling to himself, “Hmmmm. Maybe I should pick this one, or maybe this one. Hmmmm. I like this one.”

Suddenly, he heard a scream in the distance. This shocked Finn and he decided to look outside to see what happened. When he went outside the shop, he saw tons of people running away from the sudden scream. As he charges through the ambushing crowd, he thinks to himself ‘What have I gotten myself into this time?’ As he walks closer to where the scream was, he realized that he was in the storage area. He looks around and sees a dead person lying on the ground.
“Wow, I didn’t think you would be here.” boomed a familiar voice. Then, with the aroma of Danish pastries in the air, Detective Finn knew who it was. He turned around and saw an old time friend.
“Well, Officer Jenkins, I was going to find a card for my girlfriend, but this happened,” Finn replied, “What do we have here?”
“Lenny Goodwin. Age 43. Died of stab wounds.” Jenkins stated as Finn started to frisk the corpse. He found a wallet that had all of his credit cards and business cards.
“Well, it wasn’t a burglary, because a person would have taken his credit cards,” Finn said as he stared at his business card that said “Clowns4U- Manager”, “We must find out the suspects. Hand me a payroll list from the Clowns4U store.” An officer walks up.
“Good evening. I found these three in this area. I think they know something about the murder. They work at Clown4U.” the officer said. Then he walked away. The three suspects were all wearing the Clowns4U uniforms. The suspect on the left was named Manny Quinn. He was 5’6”, 40 year old, and made mannequins. The suspect in the middle was named Marley Quinn. She was 5’4”, 38 years old, and was a clown. The last suspect was named Jenny Rose. She was 5’8”, 45 years old, and made the squirt flowers.
“Well, should I get that payroll list?” Officer Jenkins asked.
“Yes, I just want to know if there is a larger set of suspects.” Finn replied. Jenkins nodded and went off to get the payroll. Then he turns to the suspects. “I am going to ask you guys a couple of questions. I am going to throw this ball to somebody and that person will answer my question. Then I will ask you to throw the ball to someone else. Then, I will ask a question to the person with the ball. We will continue with this until I say we are done. Do you have any questions?”
“Man, this is dumb.” Manny grumbled.
“Well, too bad. You wouldn’t be in this situation if you weren’t in here,” Jenny exclaimed to Manny, “Finn, this will be fun.” She laughed nervously.
“That’s the spirit,” Finn cheered. He grabbed the ball and threw it to Manny. Manny caught it with his right hand and waited for Detective Finn’s question. “Why were you down here?”

“To get more stuff for the shop.” Manny stated. He threw the ball to Marley. Marley caught it with her right hand also.
“Why were you down here?” Detective Finn asked again.
“Ummm, I was here to look for Manny.” Marley answered nervously. Manny shot Marley a glance as if he thought she was lying. Marley got scared and threw the ball to Jenny, who caught the ball with her left hand.
“Why were you down here?” Detective Finn asked Jenny.
“To ask Mr. Goodwin for my pay check.” Jenny replied. She then tossed the ball back to Marley and Detective Finn noticed a reddish brown mark on her shirt.
“What’s that on your shirt?” Detective Finn asked ingeniously.
“Oh this? It’s just some old makeup I put on this morning.” Marley replied. She then tossed the ball to Manny.
“Why do you make mannequins? That doesn’t seem like a man’s job especially for a guy who looks like you.” Detective Finn asked.
“Why you little punk!” Manny yelled and charged at Detective Finn with full speed, but Marley held onto his shirt and kissed her husband with her rosy, red lips and reassuring him that everything will be all right. Detective Finn didn’t flinch; all he did was shake his head and walk towards the body. As he looked at the body’s head, he saw a pink stain on its cheek. He wiped his eyes to check if he wasn’t seeing things. Then he started to smell cinnamon rolls and started to laugh.
“Well, if you didn’t bring me the pay roll, then you should at least have a cinnamon roll for me.” Detective Finn said. He then turned around and saw Jenkins eating a cinnamon roll and reading the pay roll.
“This is interesting. It doesn’t seem as if Mr. Goodwin didn’t finish the pay roll before he died.” Jenkins said. He then handed the pay roll to Detective Finn and slowly decided to give him a cinnamon roll.
“Thanks.” Detective Finn said and started to read the pay roll. As he ate his cinnamon roll, the pay roll said this:
Manny Quinn- 40 hours- $400
Marley Quinn- 40 hours- $360
Jenny Rose- Failure to complete- $0
“That’s odd. Failure to complete isn’t supposed to be on a pay roll.” Detective Finn said. Then he looked at the body. There was a puncture hole on the left side on his neck as if the left side was poked and the knife was dragged to the right. Then a question popped up in his head, “Hey Jenkins, when you stab someone with a knife with your right hand, the puncture wound will appear on the left side of the neck if the murderer is behind the victim?”
“Yes, always. Why?” Jenkins replied. Then a spark ignited in Detective Finn’s head. He started to think about all he did today. Then, it dawned on him. “I know who killed Lenny Goodwin.” He then turned to Jenny.
“Me?” she asked mournfully.
“Here’s the deal. Jenny, you don’t work here. You were fired 2 weeks ago. You didn’t want your husband to find out, so every day you dressed into your uniform and acted as if you went to work. But, you weren’t getting paid, and you didn’t want your husband to be upset with you, so you tried to get Mr. Goodwin to hire you back but he said no. You had the perfect motive,” Detective Finn said. He started to hear Jenny cry, “But you are left handed, so you couldn’t be the murderer.” He then turned to Marley.
“You lied to me as well,” he went on saying, “You didn’t come down here to find your husband. You were having an affair with Mr. Goodwin. That’s why there was lipstick on his cheek. You were there when he was murdered. I could say you were the murderer, but that make up you lied about was actually dried blood, and when you stab someone from behind blood doesn’t get on you.” He then turned to Manny.
“That’s where you come in. You were the murderer. You were hearing rumors about your wife cheating on you and you wanted to confront him. You are right handed, have a good motive, and have a bad enough temper to prove that you are the murderer.” Detective Finn finished.
Manny stood in shock. He then turned away and ran off frantically, but he tripped over his own shoelace and fell. Then, Officer Jenkins walked up and put hand cuffs on Manny, read him his rights and sat him down on the floor. “Good job Detective. That was a good way to solve the mystery. I have to do wrap up.” Officer Jenkins said.
“Yep, I am going to go home and probably watch a movie and…….. Oh snap! I forgot to get my girlfriend a first kiss anniversary gift. Man, I don’t get these crazy anniversaries women come up with. ” Detective Finn sighed. Then his phone started to ring. Detective Finn answered the phone and started to talk to the person over the line. Then he hung up with a frown on his face.
“That was my girlfriend. She called me to remind me that our anniversary was next week instead of this week. If I would have known that, I wouldn’t have had to solve this case.” he sighed. Then they both started to laugh. Oh well, all in a day’s work.

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This article has 1 comment.

on Nov. 19 2012 at 12:05 pm
Snowflakes SILVER, Lichfield, Other
6 articles 0 photos 91 comments

Favorite Quote:
I'm afraid so. You're entirely bonkers. But I'll tell you a secret. All the best people are. - Alice In Wonderland

I'm not going to lie; I want to help you improve this piece so I'm going to state my opinion. It was okay, but I wouldn't say it was amazing. In all honesty, I think it was all a bit rushed. For one, when you claim all this stuff that Finn knows about the 'suspects', I don't understand how he could possibly know that information when it doesn't seem like he actually knows the people.
Also, I find it a bit odd as to how casual everyone is of being near a dead body, I think you should have created a much more dramatic scene here.
I mean, it's a great idea, and there is a kind of comedic side beneath it that I enjoy - but it's no mysterious. You need to slow things down, make it more dramatic but not overly, and develop your character of Finn a lot more, so we can see how much of a good detective it is.
Basically, I think this piece was okay but it needs a lot of work in my opinion :) 


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