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Black Glass

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I pressed my hand against the cool, tranquil glass. My reflection was barely recognizable through the fluorescent glares gleaming off the sheet of glass. Closing my eyes, I could feel the blood pulsating through my veins, and I could feel the glass start to warm up. On the other side of the glass was a figure, much taller than me, whose hand was mirrored exactly as mine except on the opposite side. The warmth stretched up and captivated each and every nerve cell up through my neck. Soon enough, my entire body was numb and my eyes were locked on the figure's. My head rolled from shoulder to shoulder, and I felt a rush of adrenaline flood my body. A ghost of a smile was placed on the figure's face, and then a black sheet was thrown over my head.



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kamkitThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jul. 22 at 11:55 pm
I really like the idea behind this story that you talked about, it fits really well with what I was picturing anyways. I think you could make this a little longer by adding more imagery and characterizing the 'figure' and the effect on the narrator a little more clearly (I wasn't sure if the smile was mailicous or benevolent, or anything else). The use of glass was a good idea, as it representing reflection inside oneself. Enjoyed reading this :)
 
TaylorWintryThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jul. 23 at 10:54 am
Thanks for the feedback! I will take your advice and develop this story more.
 
SkippyPeanutbutter said...
Aug. 19, 2013 at 4:21 am
I like that this piece keeps you thinking long after you've read it. It's mysterious and dark and really well written, without excessive length. 
 
TaylorWintryThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Aug. 19, 2013 at 10:15 am
Thanks for the feedback!
 
RarelyJadedThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Feb. 5, 2013 at 6:48 pm
This is really powerful! The crystal clear imagery is breathtaking!
 
jetta.ckThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Mar. 2, 2013 at 2:04 pm
Thank you so much (:
 
KnitsandPurls said...
Dec. 8, 2012 at 7:11 pm
Good Work! This is a good example of a story that is powerful without having much plot. Every detail is powerful. There are no unnecessary sentences to trim. If anything, I would add a bit about who this hooded figure is. (Though this is not strictly necessary.) Very, very, good work. --KnitsAndPurls
 
taylor.bugThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Dec. 8, 2012 at 8:01 pm
Thank you! I'll definitely take your advice into consideration. thank you for commenting!
 
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