October 13, 2012

Cold. It's so cold here. It wasn't as cold during theprevious hour. What's wrong with the weather here? One moment it's hot and the other moment it's cold. To be honest, though, I love the cold. It's so beautiful. Autumn and winter are my favourite. Those are my cold months, those are my cold days. Every single day during the cold months, I feel pretty, beautiful...powerful. I like feeling powerful. Beautiful and powerful, what else could a girl want? This room is freezing and maybe that's why it's my favourite. My fingers always turn cold and I hate fighting the urge to touch his neck. Him, the person infront of me. My fingers yearn for flesh and it's so close yet so far. I want him to feel the cold of my fingers, I want to watch his hair get frosted and his skin turn red from my touch. I want fear to course through his veins as he remembers his past mistakes and all the times he hurt others. Hurt me. I want to hear him gasp at the sudden touch of my skin upon his ,want him to go stiff at my touch. I want him to feel what I'm feeling. I want him to feel my sweet pain.

I finally give in to temptation and touch my right index finger to his first vertabrae. I hear him gaso, feel him go stiff. I can hear the gears turning as he tries to remember who sits behind him. He's confused and I smirk, knowing he won't remember unless he turned his head and registers my face. I slowly reach out both of my hands and my fingers slowly start circling his stiff neck. His neck isn't like mine,thin, long and soft. His is sturdy. He doesn't move, doesn't turn around to face me so I can see the fear in his eyes. I move my hands up to his neck until I can feel his jaw. I cradle his face and slowly and steadily tilt his head back until it rests on my desk. His face facing the ceiling, his eyes flicking this way and that, I can tell he's immensely confused. He's getting frustrated, anxious to know who dared to do such a thing. I run my fingers up towards his eyes and they rest on his high yet flat cheekbones. I move my body forward and position my face directly above his, pour eyes parallel. He looks up and we make eye contact. He finally sees me and the confusion ever present in his eyes clears and is replaced with longing and what is that? Remorse? As he looks into my eyes, I can see the memories rushing back to him. How close we used to be, what happened,what he did, what he still does to me. He realized how much he hurt me and that realization melts away all of my anger like butter over a fire. That realization is enough for me. I sigh, move back until my lips are parallel to his forehead , transferring all my forgiveness and love into my lips , I press them on to his soft forehead. The warmest part on my body and I want him to feel my warmth. I pull back and slowly slide my hands off his face, through his fluffy hair ad fold them on top of my desk. He feels remorse, my presence. I know he does. His realization...that's all I wanted.

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