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The other night I had the unfortunate revelation that there is no good way to admit to your family that you’re not their daughter. That I was a stranger pretending to be someone I’m not and everyday that I ate dinner with them they looked into the eyes of a liar. Now I realize I will die with my secret and only you and I will know what really happened to Elly.
Eight years ago today Elly had an accident. For now it will only be known as her accident. Please don’t be mad at me, I’d just like to tell you my whole story before I just give away my little secret. Like I said before, eight years ago Elly and I were seven years old and enjoying the summer neither of us will want to remember.
Elly was the kind of girl, even at seven, who knew what she wanted, when she wanted it, and just how to get it. She walked around our block as if she controlled everything and everyone. Me? I sat in my yard and watched her run around yelling and screaming until my ears bled. I watched her so carefully each and every day I could tell you what she would do at any given moment. Elly was so young yet knew how to make anyone feel small, meek, and unimportant. Never have I ever seen a little girl so manipulative.
Ely was not my best friend and I was not hers either, yet she loved to let my name slip out of her mouth like vomit. That’s all I was to her, a name, another insignificant face in her way to the top.
Days would fly past me like minutes on a clock as I stared at her, memorizing her every movement. My own parents gave up on me, trying making me normal. I could never be normal, not with the way my mind worked. I liked to think of new and different ways to inflict pain. I cut up my Barbies, had them commit suicide instead of going to the ball with prince charming. In kindergarten I drew beheaded people laying on the street corners while Elly drew rainbows on a sunny day. She bothers me, her very voice makes me want to cut her tongue out so she can’t speak, but at the same time her simple perfection makes me want to be her.
I forgot to tell you this one very important detail in this little story of mine. Ely and I, well we look very similar. Dark brown hair, green eyes, same height, even our own parents mix us up. I use to hate the fact that we looked like sisters, but now I’ve grown to appreciate this for a very specific reason.
You see for a while now I’ve been thinking of a twisted plan to finally end my obsession with Elly. Never did I ever believe I’d actually follow through with it, it was simply a way for me to vent my feelings. Unfortunately for her, she pushed me too far for the very last time.
Elly was walking home from the park, naturally I was following her. She stopped, whipped around and stared deep into my eyes, almost straight into my helpless soul and said, “YOU FREAK! Stop following me! Everyone knows you’re obsessed with me! You’re just embarrassing yourself!”
That word, freak, I don’t know why but it just set off this delicate trigger in my mental stability and I snapped. I threw myself on top of her frail body and just started scratching her face. I didn’t stop until my nails were smeared with blood. She was crying, which let me know why was still alive and I couldn’t stand one more day of her taunting me! I wrapped my blood soaked and shaking hands around her throat and just pressed down with all my weight. I kept pressing and pressing until she stopped moving, until I found my sanity. I came back to the real world, looked down and saw I was sitting on top of a motionless body with green eyes looking up at me as if they finally could see me for me.
I dragged her all the way back to my house through the woods leaving a bloodied trail behind me. Once I was home it began to pour down raining washing away all evidence of what had just happened. It was as if the sky was on my side this time. Not once did I panic. Why? Because I had gone over this scene hundreds of times in my head on those hot summer days. What was next was to wrap a rope around her neck hang her from my doorway and leave a note that said “I’m not sorry, I hated you all! I cut away at my feelings then realized this wouldn’t do it all! I had to hang myself! I had to!” Being the twisted little girl I was I covered a knife with blood in her fresh wounds and set it on the floor by her dangling feet.
The damage was done. I was no longer alive, I was dead, the walking dead among living. Who was I now? I was Elly! I AM ELLY! I AM!
It only took a month for the news of the poor little girl down the street who killed herself to die down and for everything to go back to normal. I went home that day, ate dinner, and went to sleep in my own bed. I relived this simple routine for eight years until today. Today I woke up from a dream, in this dream I was buried in the ground, deep down in a dark coffin scraping away at the wood desperate to escape. Gasping for air, fighting for one more chance, but no, I wouldn’t ever get one. I was already given up on before my soul was even born. I woke up in despair and instantly felt a twist in my gut. I had never had this feeling before but I knew exactly what it was, guilt.
Step by step I slowly walked down the stairs to find my family screaming HAPPY BIRTHDAY ELLY! Only, it wasn’t my birthday, it wouldn’t be for another 3 months. I completely lost all control of who I was and what I was living for. I had nothing left to do in this body and in this life and now all I have left to do is to let go of it all. Never could I tell my parents that I killed their daughter eight years ago, never could I stand the consequences that faced me. So what was my solution? Death.
Night fell and I left my hollow life behind as I walked back to the woods. There I found the grave, my grave. Rain began to pour just like the day I killed her and I thrashed my hands deep into the mud digging until I found what I was looking for, my coffin. Soaking wet and thunder pounding above I threw open the casket and dragged out the bag of bones, threw them into the trees and laid myself down into the pit. I took one last look into the world and thought, I was never meant to be here. With my last breath I closed the lid and went to sleep for this one last time.
What happened after that day I’ll never know? My soul has perished and I no longer exist in any world of my own. Now you know what happened to little Elly down the street and how I almost got away with murder.