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Excerpt One of Novel: 'If I kissed you...'

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We got to the rocks and climbed over them and up into the rocky opening, into complete darkness as it swallowed us up.
Our hands were clammy together with sweat and blood. I couldn't see my own hand in front of my face, but we pressed onward into the blackness. I heard the car engine stop outside.
“Joh-”
“Sh...” he muted me, tugging at my hand another way as I followed him.
There was a shadowy, reflective light in the distance, then we turned a rigid corner and it was everywhere across a cavern with an opening at the top.
Little rocks cascaded downwards, in a cacophony of knocks and plops to the hard floor behind us.

John pointed to a boulder, and we ran to it, hiding behind it's shadow. John made sure he was at the corner of the boulder and held the machete, ready to attack whoever encroached on our hiding place.
I heard what sounded like a misplaced footstep and rocks fell to the ground because of it. The breath went out of me as I realized that Raiden knew we were here and that little flicker of hope I had that he was searching around the caves went out. I swallowed a lump in my throat so loud I was surprised John didn't hear it and jump.
My heart stilled as I finally heard Raiden's footsteps intrude into the quiet of the little cavern we were in. Every little breath I took in sounded like a crash from the waves of an ocean. I felt his footsteps with every nauseous flip my stomach did, as well as heard their padding on the stone below.
He was getting closer. Every few seconds his steps would stop and I felt his eyes scanning the rocks.
Slowly, I turned my head to John, sweat was beading down his forehead as he looked with pure concentration to where Raiden would have to turn his head to investigate. His knuckles clamped the handle of the machete, poised upwards to hack at Raiden.
The footsteps drew closer, he must have been feet away from the boulder, though it were as if Raiden was right next to my body. John drew the machete further up-the footsteps stopped.
Why would he stop-my heart dropped through my stomach as I looked down in question-and saw John's shadow reflected onto the floor, in full-view for Raiden.
I nudged John and jerked my head to his shadow. John's eyes grew big in realization and then we heard the 'shing!' noise of a blade being unsheathed.
In a sudden whoosh of air, a long blade whipped towards John's face, just as he met his machete with it in time and they clashed violently together, as Raiden came into view.
John held the blade where it was and they both struggled against each other trying to force their clashed blades further towards the other in a test of strength. John let out a roar and rammed himself and the blade into Raiden's, forcing him further into the middle of the cavern and away from me. He gave out another roar as he stretched his muscles to the limits and pushed a much bigger Raiden into the wall away from the entrance we'd came through, pinning him there.
“Get out of here Kim!” John bellowed.
I ran around to the back of John, still a distance away from the blades. I ran to the entrance, but couldn't leave as my heart tugged away towards John.
“No-John I'm not going anywhere without you!” my heart spoke for me.
“Kim-leave-get out of here!” he yelled back, desperate.
“No!” my voice shook with emotion.
Enraged, Raiden's strength returned and he pushed John off him. In seconds Raiden was swiftly swiping and shoving his blade at John as he would duck and dodge his ambush. Then, thinking with more concentration than I'd ever seen John muster, the next blow Raiden dealt, John whipped around it and sliced open Raiden's hand, causing him to drop the blade.
Now it was John's turn-I watched with both triumph and anticipation as John swept his machete at Raiden and he swerved and dodged in circles around the room. Then Raiden side glanced the machete barely missing his torso and wrapped his arm around John's hold on the blade and head-butted him. The blade clanged to the ground as they both stumbled back, but Raiden was more winded because of the previous head wound I'd given him.
John scrambled up, grabbed the other machete Raiden had been disarmed of, and ran towards me as we went back through the blackness of the cave's tunnel together.
“We need to get to the car,” I murmured.
There was cracking of rocks falling the ground and heavy footsteps running after ours.
The light was in the distance and we both panted in relief as we ran out into the bare sunlight, burning our eyes. John grabbed me as we caught sight of the car and we ran down the rocks towards it. I tried the door.
“It's locked!” I saw the glint of something silver under the seat.
John saw it as well and smashed at the window with the hilt of his machete, cracking it, then it shattered with a final blow.
Raiden ran out into the sunlight, squinting at us as though he were puzzled by what we were doing. He stood there with his hands at his side, without a blade. This strange grin spread across his face and looking directly at me he took out a set of keys from his back pocket, dangling them from his fingertip.
I shook my head in disbelief and looked down at the shiny set of keys, glinting under the seat.
“He's bluffing!” John said, not wanting to believe it.
He unlocked the car door and I ran around it to the passenger side as John grabbed the keys-Raiden sauntered down the rocks towards us.
“Hurry John!”
He tried one of them-it wouldn't even fit, I looked under my seat and got a hold of something-the old rusty razor that had been in the bathroom; I looked at it, disbelieving. John tried the other as Raiden got to the hood of the car-it wouldn't turn. John looked at me, panicked.
“He wasn't bluffing...” I stated in a small voice.
Raiden's long, hairy arm shot through the window grabbing John to jerk him out of the car and John slashed his machete at him just in time-I dropped the razor when the machete barely missed my hand in his haste. As Raiden recoiled away I opened my door and jumped out of it as John crawled across the seat and out of mine.
Suddenly we were at a standstill, with Raiden glaring reproachfully at John and I from across the car, and John waiving his machete at him, pushing me back.
“Don't come any closer assh*le!” John shouted to him.
Raiden grinned, testing him as he walked casually around the car and stared him down with eyes that looked as though they could kill on their own.
“DON'T COME ANY FURTHER!” John bellowed.
Raiden turned his head to look at me, “Don't,” I said softly, shaking my head.

He looked away from me into the sun, but it were as though he were lavishing in my attention, and as though he were enjoying every moment of my terrified expressions.
Turning his head back to John and I, he settled his eyes on John as he started towards him, this sadistic grin pinned on his face.
“John!” I screamed as he pushed me back and began twirling the blade at Raiden, who swerved and lunged out of every blow.
Raiden chuckled as he dodged another swipe of John's blade and it was clear John was getting out of breath, “No wonder she cried for you so much...you're so pathetic.” Raiden's lips wrapped themselves around the word pathetic as though it were a final nail in John's coffin.
Suddenly John yelled and rammed the machete at Raiden who was taken by surprise as he barely got out of the way in time, and a loud screech of metal punctured my eardrums.
John had hacked the machete into the car hood.
Angered at being startled, Raiden immediately pounced on his chance and grabbing John's hand, kicked him in the stomach and back away from the blade.
“John!”
I ran to him as he got up, stumbling back and away from Raiden and the machete stuck in the car. Raiden looked at it momentarily and then decided to ignore it, walking slowly towards John and I.
“John-let's run-let's go!” I urged.
“No.” John shook his head. “Let's finish this.”
“John!” I screeched as he ran to meet Raiden, throwing a punch at him which Raiden caught in one hand.
“Ah!” John yelled as Raiden crushed away at his enclosed fist. Clamping together his left hand with the missing finger, John punched and punched at Raiden's side until he got a hold of John's other arm and head-butted him again. This time Raiden didn't recoil from it and it was John who was thrown back.
Frantically I darted around, looking for a rock to hit Raiden over the head with, and when I found one, I crouched behind a nearby boulder, waiting for my chance.
John ran at Raiden and Raiden threw him to the ground where they wrestled on the dirt and sand. John managed to get a momentous punch to Raiden's face, bloodying his nose when Raiden threw back a punch of his own and got a hold of John who was still dazed, picked him up, punching him with all his might into his stomach, and then threw him to the ground. Raiden looked around for any signs of me and seeing nothing, he looked overjoyed as he looked back down on John.

“Where's your Kim now? Isn't she supposed to be protecting her weak little boyfriend?” Raiden mocked.
He crouched down, staring daggers into John's eyes.
“I thought she was supposed to love you...I've got news for you...she doesn't.” Raiden starting laughing.
John looked up at me, poised to knock Raiden over the head with my rock.

“I've got news for you too,” I growled, slamming it into the same place where I'd hit him before.
For the first time I heard Raiden yell in shock and pain as his body convulsed from the impact and he was thrown to the ground away from John.



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This article has 4 comments. Post your own!

BorderlineGenius777This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jul. 18, 2012 at 4:43 am:
I like the idea, though I think it could be edited a bit more. also, some of your sentences are run-ons. I really do like it though, and would totally read more! 4 stars! :) do you mind reading one of my articles? your choice, but leave a rate/comment... thanks!
 
KateLA replied...
Jul. 18, 2012 at 9:11 pm :
Ok, I'll check out your work! I've done lots of editing on the whole book, completely changed the begining, and am adding on more, so I'm not really worried much about it. I like your screen name btw, lol :-)
 
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Inkstone said...
May 27, 2012 at 3:14 pm:
The plot is really interesting, but what's happening and who is Raiden? I know this is only an exerpt of your story. It's quite good. You describe the setting better than I can.
 
KateLA replied...
May 30, 2012 at 3:18 am :
Thank you, everything is explained in the main novel I have on called, 'If I kissed you' (same name). I think it's on the second or third page of my profile.
 
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