Knowing Myself

May 1, 2012
By diana ramirez BRONZE, Austin, Texas
diana ramirez BRONZE, Austin, Texas
1 article 0 photos 0 comments

How can I escape from that? How can I escape from that monster inside me? How can I escape from myself?

What have I done? Why? I ask myself again as I break another branch, I’m stronger now, so much stronger. My senses are better now; I can smell the sweaty smell of a corndog seller from 3 miles away.
“Ivy!” I hear mom, I can smell the cheap perfume on her, wild flowers and maybe berries. Now it burns into my nostrils. I run past the creek, past the big rock that I feel on it when I was seven. I’m fast, oh yeah faster than any other human being, but of course I’m faster , 2 hours ago I used to be human , now, I don’t know what I’am.

As I get to mom I can see her soar red eyes like if she was crying for 100 years. “Ivy!” she yells again, but this time she wraps me in a thight hug.

“Oh thank god, Thank you!” she says as she sobs in my hair. Then she pushes me so that I’m facing her eye – to- eye. “Where the hell have you been young lady?” I stood there frozen; mom has never said a bad word, never. This only means that she is really upset about something, but what? I have just being away for thirty minutes, “Do you have an idea on how worried I was?” I try to think of a reasonable answered “But, Mom….I-“she cuts me off before I can finished “No but’s, just the truth” she says as she gives me the dirty look that only means that I’m in a big trouble. So I try thinking again “I…I was with Brianna sorry mom if I made you worried” I say trying to act the most innocent look I can. “What!?” mom responds with a yell “with Brianna?” Mom has never like Brianna, my best friend.
I remember when we were in eight grade we were just moving to our new house and to our new lives, after mom and dad got divorced, because mom though that living in the same city as my dad was going to ruin her life ….. More. In my new school Brianna was the popular one , the one who every boy in our school had a crush on and the only one who actually spoke to me in the first week of school, so after I had the courage to talk to her back I became friends with her ,I decided to invite her to my house to eat some cookies. At the very first moment that mom saw Brianna coming to our house she told me that why not to go to the back yard and she’ll bring us some cookies later because we couldn’t miss such a wonderful day. For my luck Brianna didn’t know how my mom really was, but I did and I knew that mom was planning something. So after we left to the back yard mom came to us with a huge jar of pink lemonade and a tray full of chocolate chip cookies. When she was going to put them in the ground so she could pour us some lemonade in our cups she “accidently “tripped over the grass (how can you even do that?)And poured all the lemonade on Brianna’s white miniskirt, which at the end it was white with big pinks spots all over. What scared me the most when mom after seeing what she had done put a tiny smile in her face. Then Brianna had to leave home because she had to try to take off the pink stains out of her precious NEW skirt, which her mother had given her. And after she left mom told me “oh god Ivy next time choose your friends more careful!” with a face that not even god could believe. So yeah mom really doesn’t like Brianna because she’s pretty as a model wears thight clothes which makes her look like a model, and because she uses make up. But the thing that mom doesn’t know is that Brianna understands me better than my own mother. She knows how I felt about all this drama I’m going through she knows how to make me happy, Brianna for me is like the big sister I never had.
So now I hope Brianna doesn’t get mad because I just scored one point to her against my mom who already dislike’s her. And that I just told my mom that I was with Brianna who really doesn’t have an idea where I was , but I think Brianna wouldn’t get mad at me because she understands me. Okay, so now I have to think on what happen 2 hours ago, so that I can think of solution to my BIG problem I have. I really can’t remember very well what happened to me, but one thing I have clearly is that I was with Jason, yeah you hear right Jason the hottest guy of my school, the one I have a crush since I was in eighth grade, the one who I have dream every day, the one who when I pass him in the halls and he says hi or just says my named and my stomach feel that it’s going to explode from all those butterflies tornados. So yeah I have what’s called a maniac crush on Jason, but the thing is that today after school when I was passing him on my way to mythology he handed me this folded paper that said to meet him, after school in the woods that where behind the community center and the weirdest thing was that he wrote in the bottom that it was very important. And the thing with me is that I don’t think twice when it’s about Jason, so you can imagine what I did. Yup I went straight to the woods after school, and when while I was walking towards the specific place that Jason told me to meet him I was imaging him that he would be there waiting for me and that he would possibly tell me that he had the same feeling for me that I have for him, but when I arrived to that placed where he had told me to meet him I was very surprised that he wasn’t even in there. So I decided to wait for him, in there in what I think was an old tree trunk…10 minutes had passed and he wasn’t there yet…….15minutes………20!minutes…….25! Minute no Jason in sight……30 minutes and finally!!! He was there ….but look so bad, like old men! And when I ask him what was wrong with him he just told me that he hadn’t had enough sleep. Then he just told me that he was in love with me. IN LOVE WITH ME! At that moment I was like going to faint from the happiness I was in. Then he got a bouquet of red roses and gave them to me, when I was about to take them he told me if he could kiss me , I told him yes and little, by little he approach me giving me the chance of smelling his perfume , it was just a plain exquisite fragrance . At the moment that I felt his soft lips touching mine I close my eyes, trying to focused just on him….. Just on us.
The last thing I can remember is his voice telling me “you’ll be okay Ivy, I promise”…….then a couple of men wearing black coats approaching him telling him “you did a great job kiddo” then he respond with anger showing in his beautiful icy eyes “but I had no choice!, I was running out of energy an-“that’s all I can remember before I got lost in a black whole there, at that moment. After I woke up I was in the ground cover with Jason’s brown jacket, I could still smell his perfume……beautiful. There near me was an envelope with my named in it , his beautiful writing showing a letter for me…..
Dear Ivy:
I’m sorry for not being with you at the moment that you woke up but …. It’s just that I couldn’t support seeing you …..I’m sorry; I know that you may be asking yourself why? And what I’m talking about? Right? Well … I know that you fainted when we where kissing so I put you in the ground…with my jacket on top so you wouldn’t catch a cold but, now you have to learn to live with the true ….. You are a Pixie, I know you may think I’m a weirdo but with that kiss I turn you into a pixie …so you are no human again …. Sorry for taking away your humanity….. Please forgive me...
Love Jason
I was like what? I’m no human now I have to live my entire life being a pixie?

The author's comments:
I got inspired to write this piece from a book called need.

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