Keep My Secret

April 1, 2012
As you begin to read this, I ask one thing of you. I need you to keep a secret for me, and it’s a deadly one as a matter of fact. You must swear that every word you see here shall be expressed to no one other than yourself. This secret didn't start off as anything more than a little misunderstanding, so don’t blame me for lack or sanity, but just understand that it was only my fate.

It all started when I met Josh. We instantly fell in love and began dating. He was the sweetest guy that I ever met and he always told me I was the sweetest girl he had ever met. It was young love at its finest. When I was with him I felt like life was finally rewarding me for all that it put me through. I suffered a rough childhood, dealing with a single parent with an alcoholic problem as well as my own behavioral pattern. All of that suffering disappeared when I was with him, so who wouldn’t have thought this love would last forever?

The only issue with that everlasting love though, was that it was only felt by one of the two. Josh didn’t feel the same way, so he broke up with me soon after everything became right. I cried my life away, letting my grades drop as well as ditching the people who cared about me in school. I practically threw everything away over him. Then one day I picked myself up.

I decided to go out on a date at the mall with a guy who I had known had a crush on me for a while, to get Josh out of my system. His name was Todd and he was thrilled at my asking. The only problem was that even though I liked hanging out with Todd, Josh was still all over my mind.

We were sitting in the cafe when I saw him, happy as ever, with a girl I had recgonized. I was enraged that she was getting all of his attention. I should have been with Josh, he was mine after all! Things don’t always happen the way you want them too, so I guess that’s why her heart was held close to his while mine was far out of reach. Fate had its own mind all the time, so I just had to deal with it.

I began talking to Todd about some interesting topics that we had in common as I slowly realized what I had to do to end my pain. The plan came to me as I stuck my hand in my purse for my lipstick and stumbled on a jar of honey by mistake. I kept it there for when I waws on the run and needed a cup of soothing tea, but that wasn’t going to be it’s only purpose.

I excused myself from the table and pretended as if that soda went through me quickly. I walked towards Josh and found a convenient plant right next to his seat. I crouched behind it and when his eyes were entrapped in hers I slipped a tablespoon of honey into his tea. I wish I had never done that, now that I can look back to the moment, but you can’t change time.

I sent flowers to his family the day he passed away, wishing them a sincere mental recovery, but that wasn’t going to happen. If only I had never caused his death or even known of his severe honey allergy he might still be alive and in love with that girl today. I would have been dying inside, but that would have been worth it all. The plan was never meant to go that far, but just like the rest of my life, it happened anyways.

This is the secret I must now entrust with you. I can no longer keep this to myself because I have to move on with my life and love again. My heart can’t forever be bound to the late Josh; it has to be loved again. The only way to do that is clear my history and start life off fresh again with Todd. He shouldn’t be plagued with my past, so here’s the deadly deed.

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