I open the cabinet, hearing the loud shrieking noise as I hold onto the latch pulling the door open wide. I grab my orange pill bottle, pull of the top, and shake it into my hand. To my surprise, nothing comes out. I shake the bottle a couple more times hoping that there was one more left, nothing. This was not good I thought to myself. My parents are gone for three days and to get a new refill you needed your parents with you. I can’t function without my pills I thought. I had school today and a big presentation to present in my biology class. Only if I was not different. Only if I was normal, like my twin sister. Everyday I struggle with the thought that I have bi-polar disorder, and one day without my pill… everything could go wrong. It happened once. In 10th grade my mom forgot to pick up my refill from the pharmacy. When we went there, they were closed. My mom blew it off and said we would just go in the morning. That night I ran away, just mad at the world for no reason at all. Luckily my dad found me before I could do any harm. To think that that could happen with my parents thousand of miles away, was not a very good thought. I decided that I could not go to school. Who knows what I could do. I didn’t even trust myself. When my sister came down the stairs I told her what happened. She responded with an ok, whatever, and walked out the door. You could say me and my sister were not that close. She was the popular girl, everyone knew her and everyone wanted to be her. We talked but most of the time me and my sister could not connect, because, her words exactly, she was not crazy like I was. I had no friends, because everyone knew I had something wrong with me. Not to mention my sister, telling everyone that I was crazy and that I could not control myself at home which was not true, at least sometimes. On my pills I was perfectly fine. I do not know why my sister does these things, but I don’t dwell on it. I have school to think about, while all my sister cares about is partying. Sometimes I think my sister is scared of me. I mean, only one event could even make her even think of that. Again, I was off my pills and I would not leave her room. She yelled at me saying to get out of her room or she was going to tell mom. We were nine at the time. I did not like that, I slapped her across the face and told her if she ever told me what to do again she would be gone. When I was back on my pills, I apologized to her, but she could not even look me in the eyes. And now that I think of it. She has not really had since. Did I scare her for life? No, I don’t think so, but what I do think I did was teach her a lesson. She has never told me what to do since. I think that was a win on my part, don’t you?
It was noon. I was not doing well. Everything was making me mad. The dog, the cat, the fish, my binder when I didn’t close right. Now I was getting scared. I read in books before that people with bipolar disorder off their pills for even a day, can cause serious problems. Suddenly I moved my leg and my laptop fell to the floor. Rage flooded up through my body and seemed to spill out of me like a bathtub filled with water. I screamed, dropped down to the floor, and through my laptop against the wall. What did I just do? I asked myself. Maybe my sister was right. I was crazy. As thoughts of my sister flooded my mind. I got more rage. My mind was switching back and forth. Rage, going into sadness, going into guiltiness. What am I doing I thought to myself? If only I had my pills. This was not supposed to happen. Then again rage flooded into me like a wave flooding onto the shore. I heard the door open. My sister was home.
I walked down the steps very slowly, steps creaking loudly each step I took. I looked at my watch, five o’clock to be exact. She called out my name. I walked into the kitchen seeing my sister raid the fridge. My sister opened the fridge drawer, looked up at me giving me a sneer look and pulled out the last apple. She looked at me again asking what I wanted. I did not say a word, walking away slowly. Just when I was about to turn the corner she growled creep. The name seemed to fill the air. I wasn’t a creep I thought to myself. Was that all my sister was good at? Calling me names and making me feel worse about myself? Rage grew inside of me again, this time worse. I stormed back into the kitchen. I screamed to my sister, proclaiming that if she ever called me another name again I would fulfill my nine year old promise. A tear fell down my sisters cheek. She asked me if I had taken my pill today. She was going ask questions know? I thought to myself. How dare she. I held back my scream and calmly told her I was out of my pills. She said to me that figures since for all her life I had been haunting her. She was scared off me. She was scared I was going to hurt her. She said loudly. Then my sister got more witty. She said that since I had bi-polar disease I was a creep and there was no doubt about that. Just at that moment I lashed out. I pushed my sister right in the chest as hard as I could. She went flying back her head hardly smacking against the counter as she went down. She lay there. Not moving, not doing anything, For a second I was happy. Happy that I finally had beaten my sister at something. But then fear crept into me like a lion stalking its pray. She still did not move. I bent down next to her to feel her pulse. I put my finger on her neck. Nothing moved. Death seemed to swirl in the room. I panicked. I was scared. Had I killed my sister? I didn’t mean to! Throughout my whole life my sister had made my life harder, but I still seemed to love her. This was not me, I thought to myself. This was my disease. I wanted to take this all back. Every part of it. This would ruin my mom and dad. Especially if they found out the real killer was me. I couldn’t let that happen. I slowly whispered into my sister’s ear, I’m sorry. I grabbed her body and walked out into the back yard, into the woods behind our house, and walked about a mile or two. This was perfect.
I slowly laid my sister down on the damp, dirty ground. I would leave her here. I thought to myself. That is all I would have to do. I took one last look at my sister and walked away. While I was waking tears streamed down my face. What would everybody at school think? She was the most popular, most pretty girl in the school? Would they be sad or would they be happy because she made everyone’s life miserable just like me, I don’t know. I was sad and disgusted with myself. I was a killer. What have I done? I finally reached the edge of the woods. Darkness filling the sky. I opened my back door and sprinted into the house running up the stairs to my room. I laid on my bed. I wonder if anyone saw me carry her into the woods. I hope not, but I was still feeling a rush of emotions. Still no pills yet. I turned on my side .Miraculously sleep came to me very quickly, tears streaming down my face.
I awoke to the robins faint chirping outside. My memories still fresh in my head. It was Saturday morning. I turned to my left, seeing a white envelope sitting on my nightstand. I grabbed it, the front saying, To my lovely sister… confusion flooded into me. I slowly opened the envelope, and pulled out the card. I slowly read the words on the card. Hello, Lisa. Thought you could get rid of me? Did you? Not very fast my dear sister. I see you have some fight in you, I do too. Now it’s my turn to make you scared. I’ll be back.
With love, your sister